Should I tell DD about Father Christmas before starting secondary school?

[keepingonrunning]

And if so, how?
I am very happy that DD has got to this age while still being a passionate believer.
However she relies on me to be utterly truthful with her after trust/honesty let-downs with others close to her. Once or twice recently she asked me directly and I fudged an answer.
I don't want her to be a laughing stock at secondary school but I also know she will be heartbroken. Ruining her Christmas magic spell forever would always sit on my conscience.
Her ears are closed to playground rumours!
WWYD?

[FrustratedTeddyLamp]

Lol when I was told I cried! I was pretty sure anyway, my parents left it late. Thing is I was crying because my mum was upset telling me

[Twinkletowedelephant]

Dd teacher had an open chat with the kids in yr 6 class.....

Lots of the kids were happily telling younger years mum/dad buys presents...

Most knew about santa she talked about the traditions of Christmas and each child said what they liked most family food chruch, Day trips, panto...who puts the star/angel on the tree etc..
And how each family is different and has different traditions, and how special their memories are to them... and how unfair it would be if any of them 'imparted their new found ideas onto a younger child in the playground'

It bypassed the whole is santa real with all the other bits that make Christmas special.

[LoniceraJaponica]

I agree with june. I think it would be a kindness to let her know before secondary school. DD is in year 13 now, but found that year 7 could be pretty brutal. Something like this will give the other kids a handle to be rather unkind to her.

What is worse? Being told by your parents or being laughed at by the whole class?

[alltouchedout]

I am horrified that many of you are adamant her daughter (or children generally) would be bullied for having a belief in Santa.

I'm concerned that you don't recognise that such bullying will happen.

[LoniceraJaponica]

MrsPayne I think you are being rather naive to assume that the other year 7s won't poke fun at her.

[becotide]

MrSPayne, have you ever BEEN to a secondary school? Have you ever spoken to a group of year seven students?

It is bordering on psychological abuse to send an eleven year old child into that environment with a firm belief in Father Christmas.

OP, you MUST tell her or she's going to be a laughingg stock. You should have done this 2 years ago

[becotide]

www.google.co.uk/search?q=year+7&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwj2_cCHwd7VAhXkCcAKHXCCAv4Q_AUICigB&biw=1366&bih=662#imgrc=k4m598NR-tQS-M:

Example of year 7 girls.


I cannot help but suspect that someposters don't know what an 11 year old is. It's not a bigger six year old.

[Nomoreboomandbust]

MrsP

The reason you may not have dealt with 'Santa bullying' is that no 11 year old without any additional needs belives in Santa!

They really truly in their hearts don't and although they might protest and collide with doting parents they wouldn't dream of bringing up Santa at school.

And who calls 11 year olds 'little kids'?? Mine were all into puberty by then.

I have no patience with this clinging onto children and trying to keep them babies. It's not fair to them.

[eyebrowsonfleek]

Year 7 are 11-12 year olds and not to be mistaken with 7 years old.

[Nomoreboomandbust]

And we all hope our kids are tolerant and kind! Mine were and I am but looking back to my 11 year old self I would definatly have taken the piss out of another 11 year old who belives in Santa! I mean come on.

[cantkeepawayforever]

I think the thing I find difficult is the line in the OP 'Ruining her Christmas magic forever' ... so the implication that the ONLY thing that makes her DD's Christmas special is a belief in Santa.

I have encountered this - occasionally - in RL: the idea that once a child doesn't believe in Santa, that's Christmas done for: nothing fun or nice about Christmas will ever happen again - and in some cases, families actively create that situation, by working incredibly hard to 'keep the secret' with increasingly elaborate schemes, then basically dropping all Christmas traditions as soon as the child 'knows'.

We have never specifically fostered a belief in Father Christmas - yet we tell the stories, sing the songs, have stockings, give one another gifts (the DCs are old enough now to join in the present giving as well as receiving, and love that), have ritual menus, wear silly hats, laugh a lot....

I know this isn't much use to the OP now, but perhaps if she reassures her DD that everything will be lovely still, that there will be lots of special things that she can now be 'in on' [stockings for older siblings or whatever], then it will soften the blow?

[Dustbunny1900]

Thanks for the answers re: why it's such an important tradition to some families. It sounds like a nice thing to do as a family so long it's light hearted and done for fun! I may do it one year with DS2, but definitely tell him long before he gets serious about it to avoid hurt

I was "that child who" broke the news to my neighbor about Santa not being real - it was not maliciously done. it was just a fact I was telling her. My parents never instructed me to not say anything. But a lot of kids will get mean about it.
So even IF her fellow kids don't do it in a mean way, she WILL be told..would you rather you tell her or having her be told in a less gentle way.
Esp at 11 when many are going through puberty

[gluteustothemaximus]

Blimey Trb17 what a superb letter 👏 👏

[Dustbunny1900]

Totally agree with cantkeepawayforever. good point

[HolyMerlot]

Well I for one was terrified of FC as a child and made my parents promise to never put my stocking in my bedroom because I didn't want FC in there while I was sleeping!

But I found out FC didn't exist when I was about 7. My parents never even started the Easter Bunny myth with me and I actually believed in the tooth fairy for longer than FC! (My Mum was an incredible tooth fairy!! Seriously. I have some super tips for when I have my own DC!) My Dad told me that no matter how old I was I could always trust him and if I ever asked him anything he would always answer with the truth. I looked at him for about a minute and the first question I asked was if FC was real. Apparently my Mum was stood behind me giving my Dad evil eyes but he stuck to his word like a true hero and told me the truth! So what I'm getting at is if you and your DD also have a similar trusting relationship and she knows that she can usually take whatever you say as the truth and finds comfort in that then you really need to tackle this head on.

I also agree with other posters re. Year 7 girls being a bit more brutal than primary school kids. Even more so in this day and age, girls in Year 7 at my local comprehensive look and act more mature than me and I'm in my 20s!

[MadMags]

It's threads like this that make me so glad I'm not raising my dc in the UK.

In other countries, it's actually ok to let your kids be kids past the age of 7.

[cantkeepawayforever]

MadMags - my kids were still kids way after the age of 7, or even the age of 11 (the age of the OP's child).

How is believing in Santa an essential part of 'kids being kids'? Mine have never believed in him - but are still capable of extreme childishess around Christmas (in the nicest possible way) at 14 and 16...

[MadMags]

I didn't say it was essential.

But time after time there are threads on here about how kids needs to grow up, be left alone, have more independence, not believe in make-believe, etc etc and in my experience, it's more pronounced in the UK than anywhere else I've lived.

[Nomoreboomandbust]

mad

Are you raising your kids on a desert island?

7 is a kid.

11 is usually starting to become pubescent and it's a whole other far more complicated stage of development and a whole other different relationship grows between the parent and the child.

Honestly the most important thing to have with your child by 11 is them knowing you are there for them, you have their back, they can trust you and that they can start to explore their own views and preferences and for you to support this growth.

It's not about treating 11 year olds +!the same as a 7 year old!

That's lazy parenting and does the child no favours.

Please let kids grow it's what they want to do. Have more if you want to keep the 'little kids' years for longer that's what we did and had 5.

[MadMags]

Who said I wanted to keep kids "little kids"? Projection much.

And no, I won't be having anywhere near 5 thank you!

[cantkeepawayforever]

MadMags, just wondering if the Year 7 / age 7 thing was confusing, as you're not UK based.

Children turn 12 in year 7 - it's the first year of secondary school.

I agree that 7 year olds are still very much children. 11/12 year olds are an interesting mixture of childishness and adolescence!

[redsquirrel2]

My daughter stopped believing when she was 6 and Christmas is still special to her because she gets lots of stuff and can eat sweets all day whilst Mummy drinks champagne!!

[CarolinePenvenen]

This’ll be the first Christmas that my 9yo knows. She suspected for the last couple of years but couldn’t prove it and after Christmas this year she asked me straight. But, she’s super excited about being FC for my 5yo and she keeps winking at me whenever Christmas is mentioned

[MadMags]

Thanks cant I do have to translate on the Year X threads.

But I've seen the age 7 posted quite a bit on here as the age kids should stop, which is very very young both where I'm from and where I've lived!

[MrsCK]

I saw a suggestion for how to tell children which I think I will use.

"Everyone has the opportunity to become father Christmas. Being a child is an opportunity to prove that you have the magic to be father Christmas. Believing in the magic keeps father Christmas alive and so it's now time for you the child to become father Christmas. That means bringing magic to people's lives every day by showing kindness and compassion. At Christmas time it now means you have a new job. That job is to bring magic to other people. Think about how you could do that with your new responsibility. It could be helping out at home or donating to charity, maybe a backwards advent calendar where you give to a charity...but whatever you choose to do it is your responsibility to keep the magic alive"

This is what I now believe in. I am fc for my little boy in terms of giving gifts in a stocking but aren't we all fc and don't we all have responsibility to bring the magic to others?