Should I tell DD about Father Christmas before starting secondary school?

[keepingonrunning]

And if so, how?
I am very happy that DD has got to this age while still being a passionate believer.
However she relies on me to be utterly truthful with her after trust/honesty let-downs with others close to her. Once or twice recently she asked me directly and I fudged an answer.
I don't want her to be a laughing stock at secondary school but I also know she will be heartbroken. Ruining her Christmas magic spell forever would always sit on my conscience.
Her ears are closed to playground rumours!
WWYD?

DS found out earlier than I realised. He later told me he was worried he wouldn't get presents if he didn't believe anymore!

He then enjoyed keeping it up for DD. But DD is already working things out in her head at 6. However, we have dc3 to keep the magic up for!

I found out about Santa from my parents. My mother enjoyed telling me it wasn't true because I truly believed it like nothing else. She laughed about it. I was devastated. I cried myself to sleep each night for a good week or so

We don't go overboard with Santa. Christmas is really about us buying each other presents, Santa gets to buy one present per child. No mythical man is going to take credit for my kids happy faces!!

We went a bit OTT with the tooth fairy though

No. Don't tell her, let her be,he did for as long as she can/wants to.

Some people are always nasty about this & frankly, I wish they'd fuck off stop it.

Children can be very bright academically, very good at critical thinking & still believe in SC. IMO it's no different than believing in God. I don't, but I don't mock those who do.

11yo still believes. Genuinely. She's definitely not humouring me. She has nice friends & goes to a nice school, she won't be bullied. She's not the only one that still believes either.

When I was 8yrs in first yr secondary school I took a letter my mum had written as if from the tooth fairy into school for show and tell. All the kids laughed at me, but it didn't bother me. However when my mum found out I had taken it she was furious, she was embarrassed for me and her. I wasn't phased. I can't remember when I stopped believing in Father Christmas, it just blurred into wanting to believe and not asking even though I knew, because I liked the magic of it.

My son is 11 and still believes as do several of his schoolmates we live rurally and its a small school.Obviously there are several kids in his class that don't believe but they certainly don't mock or bully those that do. He is a happy intelligent well rounded boy and I really don't see the harm in him still believing. Obviously if he begins to question it or asks I will tell him the truth.Suppose I'll be torn apart if I say that he also still believes in the tooth fairy and the easter bunny too .....

Just to add I was a grade A student, but I just like seeing the beauty in things, and to me that was beautiful.

I've always wondered though, why is it important for parents to have their children believe in Santa/Easter bunny etc? I'm genuinely curious because my family never did.
I think my non Xmas is beautiful and "Magic" but I'm wondering what I may be "missing out on". My DS1 wants to make his little brother believe but I'm quite iffy on the idea.

Still checking in.
For me it was a tradition I loved as a child and I wanted the same for my own DC. I've never thought it about it intellectually too much, except to justify the deception to myself as well-intentioned.

I was devastated when I suddenly found out and the bubble was burst on Christmas Eve. DF had slipped up.
Since it's been my turn I determined to be careful. Really, really careful. DD most likely does have suspicions from things she has heard but she wants and needs the Santa story to be true.

So if these academically, critically thoughtful 11 and older children who truly believe in Father Christmas
when they see/hear/learn about children living through awful things, in terrible places- what do they think? How do they reconcile the fact that Father Christmas, who visits every good child leaves these children out?
Look I'm not trying to pissed on anybodies chips, it really is a lovely tradition, and the wonder on a small childs face is priceless.We don't sit around watching News night, listening to R4 and digesting the broad sheets in my gaff - but I am glad my dd questions things especially in regard to inequalities. I don't want her to think her privilege is because she's inherently "good" or "better" than any other kid on this planet.

We don't analyse it to a fraction of that degree Rolling. And there's no mention of good or bad children here.

She doesn't need it at 11.

No, no I'm sorry if that sounded personal keepon - we (parents, the whole Father Christmas industy) tell children Santa comes to good children.
he's making a list, he's checking it twice he's gonna find out who's naughty or nice
My childhood was lived under constant threat from September to December 24th

What pressure!

Aww my kid probably does 'overthink'. I killed an ants nest (that was harvesting greenfly on an apple tree) a few weeks ago and she told me I'd just committed "genocide" and although they were only ants, that was their whole world destroyed!
You know your child best. We all only can try to do our best.
Good luck for dd at high school, I hope she settles well and loves it.

That is certainly a very well-developed conscience .
Thanks Rolling

Good luck in breaking the news. Please do it gently as others have said. Tell her as if it is a important rite of passage for her to know the truth now that she's older. Make into a positive thing.

My DD took one look at a person dressed as Santa when she was about two & started crying terrified. At that moment I decided Christmas is really special enough without going along with the Santa bunkum. Very relieved actually, although we did do tooth fairy stuff which she loved.

Aww Rolling, your children sound delightful. Nothing like the pure black & white logic of children.

Tell her you're father christmas.

Dustbunny. To try to answer your question - from my POV anyway, I'm sure others have different thoughts/reasons 😊

I've always wondered though, why is it important for parents to have their children believe in Santa/Easter bunny etc? I'm genuinely curious because my family never did. I think my non Xmas is beautiful and "Magic" but I'm wondering what I may be "missing out on". My DS1 wants to make his little brother believe but I'm quite iffy on the idea

Fantasy & excitement I guess. It's a lovely little fantasy with Santa, Mrs Claus & all the helpful elves & reindeer working away, making toys etc. Stories that are traditional that you can add to and be a part of. The wonderment of something special outside of the normal day to day life we live. Then there's the excitement - 'Will he come?, Will he find your house? Will he bring you anything from the list you sent him? Will it be the doll, or the car or the Lego? Can you stay awake and see him or Rudolph?' Children can pretty much predict that their parents will buy them presents & often will know what it's likely to be, but Santa is The Great Unknown...excitement & fantasy.

It was more exciting when I was a child though because we really didn't get stuff other than at Christmas or on our birthdays, kids just didn't really, but (on the whole) kids these days get stuff all the time so it's less exciting anyway IMO.

TheRollingCrone

So if these academically, critically thoughtful 11 and older children who truly believe in Father Christmas when they see/hear/learn about children living through awful things, in terrible places- what do they think? How do they reconcile the fact that Father Christmas, who visits every good child leaves these children out? Look I'm not trying to pissed on anybodies chips, it really is a lovely tradition, and the wonder on a small childs face is priceless.We don't sit around watching News night, listening to R4 and digesting the broad sheets in my gaff - but I am glad my dd questions things especially in regard to inequalities. I don't want her to think her privilege is because she's inherently "good" or "better" than any other kid on this planet

What does she think? She thinks it's sad, dreadful, awful, scary for them etc. She fundraisers to try to help them & her school is very hot on them doing things to raise funds for charity & making blankets etc. I dare say if you told her those children don't get presents from Santa she'd be very surprised and upset by it - because why would Santa leave them out? I haven't felt the need to point out that they don't get presents from Santa - so shoot me. Or, possibly, as she's grown up in 3 different cultures and is at a very 'aware' multi cultural school she might think they don't celebrate Christmas.

I told my DS11 two weeks ago ahead of secondary school. Turns out he's known since year 5......

For the same reason as you I told DD the summer before secondary school. She was so angry!!! "You lied!!" Seven years on she still brings it up at every opportunity.

My DS genuinely believed, and I had to tell him before secondary.

He was shocked. I said FC is like the tooth fairy. He said, but the tooth fairy isn't real. That's right, I said.

He was shocked that adults all over the world had got together and conspired to lie to all the children. That seemed even more unlikely than FC.

All his words, not mine.

He was shocked that adults all over the world had got together and conspired to lie to all the children. That seemed even more unlikely than FC

My 7 year old has started to question and I don't deny it. I have said it's a nice idea for Christmas.

Well, I for one am HORRIFIED at all of you. What do you mean, when do you tell her he's not real? YOU ARE ALL GETTING COAL THIS CHRISTMAS. And don't say I didn't want you...

(Grandpa Simpson-type grumbles and murmurs as I return to my corner, eyeing you all suspiciously and warding you all off with fingers in the shape of a cross)