Should I tell DD about Father Christmas before starting secondary school?

[keepingonrunning]

And if so, how?
I am very happy that DD has got to this age while still being a passionate believer.
However she relies on me to be utterly truthful with her after trust/honesty let-downs with others close to her. Once or twice recently she asked me directly and I fudged an answer.
I don't want her to be a laughing stock at secondary school but I also know she will be heartbroken. Ruining her Christmas magic spell forever would always sit on my conscience.
Her ears are closed to playground rumours!
WWYD?

debbs thyv prob tol her you think its ok for 13 year olds to believe in that

sorry, what?

Good point House4
So many things to include/exclude from The Conversation and not fuck it up.

@twobobs and @BrownOwlknowsbest I think you have both made lovely suggestions as to how to break the news. I will definitely do something similar!

OP my daughter is 5 and I hope she will believe for many years to come! I'm a secondary school teacher, and I actually think some of the other posters have been a little cruel. I say, good for you in trying to keep your child a child!!!!! Far too many children today are exposed to the grown up 'real' world too soon. Childhood is such a short period of a person's life - if her belief is not causing anyone harm or upset, I can't see the problem in it personally.

I absolutely love Christmas and go all out to make it magical for our daughter. Our new baby is due in Jan and I'm excited that I'm going to have even more Christmases filled with magic, wonder and excitement.

I bit the bullet and told my DD who is about to enter yr 8 (yes, YEAR 8, so nearly 13) a few months ago. She's a bright girl, top of the class, no special needs, had obviously heard playground rumours, but still believed, because she wanted to still believe. Honestly, it's not that unusual for children to start secondary believing.

After a couple of years of being deliberately slightly careless, of dropping subtle hints, I finally decided I really did just need to tell her. She was slightly disappointed at first, but very reassured once I pointed out that I needed to know that she knew, but we won't be mentioning it again, and everything will carry on as usual!

Next year I will tell her younger brother who has been chomping at the bit to get me to confirm he's not real for a few years!

Different children are different, but there does come a point, I think, where you have to let them know.

Meh. My parents never told me and I'm in my 30s.

As they get older, I think they learn to keep their belief to themselves. I've always told my dc that some kids don't believe.

The motto in our house is:

If you don't believe, you don't receive.

I'd seriously question the critical thinking skills of a secondary age student who still believes in Father Christmas.

"I'm surprised at some of the cynicism here"

I'm not. I have just asked DD when she knew that FC wasn't real. She told me that she can't remember suddenly finding out (neither can I either). She said she kept humouring me for many Christmases because she didn't want to spoil the magic.

In our case it was only ever the stocking that came from Santa anyway. Everything else came from real people, which probably made it a lot easier.

I would be very surprised indeed that she doesn't already know to be honest. How can she not?

so youve already lied but think telling her the truth will upset her

as for pp sorry cant remember who if we'r going down that route is superman real aswell then hes a nice idea aswell

That's my Christmas ruined

Got told at school in a lesson .... Was about 6/7 years old 😕

as for your dont believe u wont receive thats cruel

I would have gone with your idea Mags except DD depends on me for the truth.
I've already come clean about the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny (thank goodness - no more getting up at 5am on Easter Sunday to hide chocolate eggs in the garden). This is the last Father Christmas shaped elephant in the room that she doesn't want to have to acknowledge.
Lovely post MrsPayne.

I think she probably knows or strongly suspects or she wouldn't have been asking. If she had no suspicions and really hadn't heard any rumours at school I think she wouldn't have had any reason to ask you. So I suspect it won't come as too much of a shock. One of mine asked me to confirm it when he was about ten -nearly 11 I think on Christmas morning after he'd happily opened his presents. However I had suspected the previous year that he knew but was just going along with it. He was happy to be part of the secret and sworn to secrecy where younger children were concerned.
My other son however has learning difficulties and at 13 still believes in Santa. He's just gone into second year at secondary school but as it's a special school it's no problem. Lots of the kids there still believe. The school still talk about Santa even in the secondary department which is lovely for him.

What choli said.
Any NT child who still believed in Santa at secondary school entry level would worry me tbh. They should be able to question and critically analyse basic stuff by then.

Can you adapt one of these letters to explain it to your DD?
www.diyncrafts.com/9189/lifehacks/4-heartwarming-letters-explain-santa-kids

Tell her - and tell her what the story is based on

At 11 she needs to know Santa isn't real or she may get bullied.

In September she's likely to meet other girls who are more like young teenagers so it would be a pity if she got picked on by them for still being childish.

I don't think children should grow up too quickly but I remember what it was like at that age trying to fit in.

Girls do mature at different rates which can make life hard for them & secondary school can be a bitchy environment.

I get the impression that there is some kind of back story here and we will get a massive drip feed.

She'll probably ask again before this Xmas. My son was the same although I noticed he never mentioned it to his friends.
I eventually admitted it in year 7 and although he knew he was sad to lose some of the magic.
A girl I knew found out during her first week of secondary school when their English topic was fables and it was given as an example in class. She was devastated!

I told my 11 year old this week as is starting secondary school in September. His reply was, "Oh, don't worry. I've known since I was 9 and didn't want to spoil it for you."

My guess is your daughter already knows!

Unless she has learning difficulties she already knows

Wtf????

Nice crass statement there

Tell her its a game adults play to make Xmas more fun for younger children, and its a rite of passage to be let in on it. It makes them feel more grown up, and it helps teach them to be considerate of younger children.

For goodness sake dont let any dc go to secondary without knowing. They will be humiliated and it will be their parents allowing that just so they can keep " the magic going" My kids never believed and we have had fantastic Christmasses which , guess what, dont end at 10 or 11. We had wonderful ones right up through teens as the magic never left.
This is one of my pet hates ..letting a poor child be exposed like that.
My dn copped on at 8 when neighbours kids got huge presents and he got regular ones. He said to his dm he is either not real or else a totally mean and unfair horrible man. She told him the truth and he was happier.

I think your making to big a deal over it mu son isn't the brightest he has very mild learning disabilities (diagnosed by the Ed Psyche) but we told him in yr 5 as we needed to but his main Xmas present he was fine he had been questioning it anyway.

DS is starting year 8 and appears to still believe. Whether he actually does I don't know. He certainly acts like he does around me and his sister. I think at school he probably doesn't. He knows his mates don't believe so I expect he adapts his behaviour. No need for a 'chat'