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Original poster

Should I tell DD about Father Christmas before starting secondary school?

200 replies

keepingonrunning · 16/08/2017 19:01

And if so, how?
I am very happy that DD has got to this age while still being a passionate believer.
However she relies on me to be utterly truthful with her after trust/honesty let-downs with others close to her. Once or twice recently she asked me directly and I fudged an answer.
I don't want her to be a laughing stock at secondary school but I also know she will be heartbroken. Ruining her Christmas magic spell forever would always sit on my conscience.
Her ears are closed to playground rumours!
WWYD?

OP posts:
grannytomine · 16/08/2017 21:18

I know my son stopped believing aged about 8 But he still goes along with the idea just t to humour me! My son is 46, he has never told me he doesn't believe, they like to humour us and still get the pressies, well your son might not be as present focused as mine.

WhooooAmI24601 · 16/08/2017 21:21

DS1 is starting High School next month and we've never had the definitive talk about Santa. He's asked a few questions and picked up on a few things and we've always just asked him to help keep the magic going for DS2.

I think it's fine for them to know and play along. DS1 loves the traditions and although I'm certain he knows it's us, in the moment on Christmas Morning when there are footprints by the fireplace and notes from Santa in their stockings it's no less lovely.

Fresh8008 · 16/08/2017 21:25

Frankly shock shock shock that one poster wrote they don't do Father Christmas in their house at all.

Not that unusual, I know several people like this. Christmas is just as magical for their children, they just dont pretend Santa is a real person. He is just a mythical figure used to create a fun holiday, like Disney creates mythical figures to make stories fun.

junebirthdaygirl · 16/08/2017 21:49

Fresh thats exactly the way we did it and my dc always had a wonderful Christmas.

happy2bhomely · 16/08/2017 21:51

Father Christmas is not real in our house.

DS1 was 5 when he got quite upset about the idea of someone letting themselves into our house. So after some reassurance that didn't settle him I told him that he isn't a real person but a magical idea that we all join in with.

We told him he is just a person to represent kindness and sharing. Just like Jesus (to me) is someone to represent love and forgiveness. I don't 'believe' but I appreciate the notion.

I have since had another 4 children and we all play along. No one must say that he isn't real (I have explained that some children think he is a real man and it is important that we don't spoil that) but we all do big exaggerated winks to each other and knowing nods in private.

They still write letters and we still put out a mince pie and carrot. It doesn't spoil the magic at all. It's just a fun game we all play.

I think you should lead your daughter to realise for herself. A few 'clues' so that she doesn't feel silly and instead feels clever enough to have worked it out.

Original poster
keepingonrunning · 16/08/2017 21:54

I overheard DD insisting to some children in a playground last week he was real. That's why I've posted, to find out how to break the news having covered my tracks a little too successfully all these years. I need to do it well before December so she has time to adjust. No younger siblings to keep the magic going for.
It's been a really interesting thread. Thanks all.

OP posts:
PollyFlint · 16/08/2017 22:06

I have no recollection of ever believing in Father Christmas. I just always thought it sounded entirely impossible, right from a very young age. I loved the idea of it and got really excited about Christmas, but I knew Father Christmas wasn't real just like I knew, say, Cinderella wasn't real. It didn't make Christmas any less magical for me and I still love Christmas to this day.

I'm kind of stunned that there are kids who believe in Father Christmas beyond the age of about seven, really. But then, I suppose there are adults who believe in things that are obviously nonsense too.

Papafran · 16/08/2017 22:07

Frankly shock shock shock that one poster wrote they don't do Father Christmas in their house at all

Did you know, OP, that there are other religions that do not celebrate Christmas at all? I know it seems shocking, but there are millions and millions of kids around the world whose parents do not do Santa in their house. Terrible huh? It's tantamount to abuse.

MadMags · 16/08/2017 22:08

I'm kind of stunned that there are kids who believe in Father Christmas beyond the age of about seven, really.

Imagine children being children past the age of 7!

GlitterNails · 16/08/2017 23:03

I clung on to the belief all through primary school. I doubted often, but just wanted to believe so much I still did. Was very imaginative and just loved the whole story and magic of it all. My mum told me between primary and secondary for the reasons you mention, but I had been asking her for some time if it was real. So she's not the only one!

mumeeee · 16/08/2017 23:21

If she asks you directly again then tell her, Otherwise leave it, DD3 believed until she was 11… Nobody teased her because of it.
Mind you in our house Father Christmas only bought the stocking stuff.

Fresh8008 · 16/08/2017 23:35

OP, how about starting with telling your DD the history of Santa.
St. Nicholas a Bishop from Turkey.... So you can say he was a real person but now its exaggerated for fun.

Floralnomad · 16/08/2017 23:50

We've never done FC as a 'real' person , he was always just a character , same for tooth fairies and Easter bunnies , doesn't detract from any magic or fun . We make a really big deal about Christmas and our dc are both 18+ now , they are certainly not traumatised by never having believed in FC .

5foot5 · 16/08/2017 23:55

Unless she has learning difficulties she already knows. No way she doesn't. She just loves Christmas or getting extra presents or loves your reaction.

Horrible thing to say!!

I was almost 11 before I found out. My Mum told me in the last summer term before the end of primary. Christmas came up in conversation and she said she thought I should know if I didn't already. It was genuinely a shock but no learning difficulties here I can assure you. I put it down to the fact I was the youngest and my elder sisters were desperate to keep me believing so whenever I started to wonder how it worked they came up with ever more fantastic theories.

But I think you should tell her definitely. One of my friends at senior school let slip in the first term that she believed in Father Christmas (again no learning difficulties Hmm) and she got lots of ridicule poor thing.

TheRollingCrone · 16/08/2017 23:57

I have a great book about the history,mythology and commercialisation of Father Christmas.

I'm always a bit Hmm when parents insist their 11,12,13 yr olds truly believe.

My dd and I were watching TV during the Christmas holidays a couple of years ago (she was just 7) and a Red Cross appeal for Syria came on. It showed children in desperate states.Sad
My dd "I don't think FC is real, coz if was he wouldn't leave those children out - they don't even have coats and they're cold"

She's averagely intelligent, not (IMHO) overly thoughtful in the way some of my friends children are. But unless children live a very protected, closeted life,or have SEN, how can they not have this very basic level of critical thinking?

The "magic" of Christmas hasn't gone for her, as a PP said the idealism of FC lives in all who find joy in giving.

TheRollingCrone · 17/08/2017 00:01

^caveat * SEN, being a broad church, I mean specific SEN or intellectual differences

StarHeartDiamond · 17/08/2017 00:08

The rolling - I think some children have very convincing parents who want it to carry on themselves, so even if the child does question it, some parents have an answer for everything or are so very vehement that of course he exists that the child really doubts themselves.

Personally I think there's a big difference between a child of 6 or 7 asking in general or because of a clue eg the handwriting on labels is all the same etc, or because they have spotted an injustice about the situation such as the one you describe - that might be a time to verify their mature observations. Possibly the parent is caught off guard though and they just don't want the conversation about the fact he's not real during the school run or when younger siblings are around or whatever. But if that's the case, they should correct at a suitable moment. Point is, when is that suitable moment?

working925 · 17/08/2017 00:17

No no no don't tell her. Why spoil it. Have a chat preparing the ground but don't just come out and tell her. Tell her different families celebrate in different ways and fc is a bigger or smaller thing in different houses.

threestars · 17/08/2017 00:25

Ah, he's a knowing joke secret with DS, who goes into year 9 next month.

DS has said for years that's he's not real and I've told him that's worrying as if he believes this, FC won't fill his stocking. He's grinned and said OK then.
He loves trying to catch me out and I Iove being evasive. It's not a big betrayal, but I'd hate for him NOT to feel some excitement on Christmas morning, waking to the sound of presents in a stocking at the end of his bed.

ChristinaParsons · 17/08/2017 00:27

Father Christmas has never existed here. SEN or not

LapsedPacifist · 17/08/2017 00:31

Why on earth would any parent maintain the fiction that 'magic' and the supernatural are real things WELL beyond the age when children are expected to understand otherwise at school? Does she believe that dinosaurs are still alive too? It's utterly selfish. Of course you can explain that's it's just a lovely story to make Xmas special for children - why should that upset your DD?

Beeziekn33ze · 17/08/2017 00:35

Oh dear, my DM was a great believer in telling the truth. When I was 6 I asked her about FC and, a little reluctantly, she told that everyone who have someone else a present was FC.
I was happy with that. We'd just moved house, I shared my interesting piece of information with the kids in our road. My mother had to fend off irate parents annoyed that I'd told their DC. I'm not sure we were ever really accepted there. Still, if it hadn't been FC I'm sure we'd have put our foot in it in some other way!

Beeziekn33ze · 17/08/2017 00:38

TheRollingCrone. Your DD sounds great! She certainly has plenty of emational intelligence!

Dustbunny1900 · 17/08/2017 00:50

Why is it cynical to not "do" the whole Santa thing? Hmm I respect other family's views, but I was never made to believe in Santa and neither did I teach my son . Shrug. I didn't feel like fooling him because I know some kids are heart broke to find out. plus no fat dude in red is going to take the credit for those expensive gifts

My friend said to me last Xmas "I think little johnny may be getting too old, he's not as excited about Santa this year" and I laughed because the kids nine and I thought she was making a joke! Then felt bad because she was serious. Your daughter MUST know, but enjoys the tradition like a game?

Italiangreyhound · 17/08/2017 01:00

Yes, tell her. But say you can keep it going at home if she likes. I expect on some level she already knows.

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