To not understand why teenagers are said to be quite so expensive

[theduchessstill]

On here I often see it written that having teenagers is so incredibly expensive and I don't understand why.

It's actually getting me quite anxious as ds1 is 10 so the teen years are fast approaching. I followed one of those links people post last week where you put in just your income and how many dependants/adults live with you, and apparently I am better off than 81% of people now but that will plummet to 51% of people when both dc are 14 +. Obviously this is a crude tool, but it has been niggling at me.

Why are they so expensive and are none of the costs balanced by the absence of childcare fees with this age group ? Childcare is easily my biggest cost after my mortgage and I often think I will be better off when I don't need it anymore. Exactly what takes its place? I know food - and am already seeing it with ds1, but food can only cost so much, surely. What else is so expensive with teens? I know I probably sound stupid, but, hey, I want to know.

Mine are all nicking my Bare Minerals concealer. 😩We all have sensitive skin. I couldn't use harsh products. If I was loaded I'd treat them i.e. buy the better quality products. As it is we're not so 4 of us are sharing one pot until Christmas when they can have a pot each from relations.

I have no problem with richer parents buying top end clothes and toiletries as long as they teach their dc th value of money. Providing clothes and toiletries will vary on quality according to income. Parents buying endless shite,video games,expensive junk food,the latest phone etc is entirely different. None are necessary.

Just to add my dc eat me out of house and home but none are overweight( one is underweight). This is because protein costs a lot and a little( i.e. meat,cheese,fish) doesn't last long with 5 of us. I never buy junk and we never have takeaways. We only eat out at special times.

ironing
Felloe bare minerals fan here. Did you know that TK Maxx have been stocking it the last few months? Also, QVC is great for getting a lot of stuff on offer. You might already know, but if not then it's a way to get nice stuff at a better price.

My teens are girls and eat enormous amounts so it's not just a boy thing. DD2 is nearly 6ft and a string bean.

Mine don't eat a lot, but we aren't overweight so none of us do the 'eating us out of house and home' thing.

Mine aren't overweight either, but they play a lot of sport (mainly rugby) and 15yo DS1 has grown around 12 inches over the past 3 years. He also has an athletic physique - solid muscle from all the rugby training. It takes a lot of fuel to keep him going - not junk food, but lots and lots of pasta and rice, plus tuna, chicken breasts, beans etc for protein. And he can empty a fruit bowl in a matter of minutes.

I can't imagine ever saying to DD "look at all the lovely stuff I've bought for me. And this week I'm going for lunch with friends and DH, going for coffee, out for a meal, to the cinema, for a few drinks and booking a lovely holiday etc. You would like to have some money to do things DD? Tough you've got some sausages in the fridge (only two, mind) and some toilet roll and shower gel. Get a job!"

I would never make my daughter pay for her holiday or her food but if she wants to do most of the other things she has to earn the money - just like me.

It seems to me sometimes on here that teenagers are like old forgotten toys. When you first get your child, they are all new and shiny and exciting, as they get bigger you discover that they can do things and you have fun pressing the buttons and teaching it new things, some years down the line you find that sometimes pressing the buttons doesn't elicit the action you intended and the toy has become jaggy and spiky and uncontrollable - it also goes through batteries like there is no tomorrow and it's expensive and seems not to like you very much at times. You still love it and the memory of it, but sometimes it would be easier if it just went away.

It's part of our job as parents to ensure that our children become functioning adults, I totally agree with this, but as much as learning about how to earn and save and spend money, they also need to learn about love and kindness and treating people and how to learn from mistakes, how to make sensible judgments and all sorts of stuff.

A lot of that they will learn from their friends and some of it they will learn from watching the actions of their parents.

It's not all or nothing. You can allow your children to gradually grow up and deal with the realities of life at a slower pace - some DC are ready for that earlier than others and some parents have to push the point earlier than others due to finances.

Compared to my childhood, we are very well off, compared to others, we are probably average to below average. However we have chosen to prioritise spending on our children after all our basic needs are taken care off. I'd love a new kitchen and some stuff for the house, I wouldn't mind a new car, however there are things such as DofE and uni and driving lessons for my DC that I want more. Other people have different priorities or no options since providing for their basic needs uses up all their resources.

Fishyfriends, what a thing to say! We're not overweight either, ds is 6"1 and counting and has a 30 inch waist, he's tall and thin. Still eats like a horse. He grew 8 inches at age 13. It's slowed down, but he's still growing.

You're clearly well off
We do ok and afford a lifestyle for the whole family. DD is working p/time as she is still a student.

What of the parents who can't afford that life themselves?
You answered that question yourself with
That is how life works

Other people's financial affairs and priorities are not my responsibility.

Just paid 58 quid for teen dds school shoes. Just Clark's. Her adidas trainers were cheaper than dds 2s Clark's trainers Dd3 who is 4 got a fab pair in the sale for £14.
Teens are expensive
I rest my case!

I would never say "just" Clarks. Clarks is an expensive brand.

Well my children's feet are one think I won't economise on. They all have wide feet so we have little choice.

O and school dinners. My eldest can't have packed lunches and basics from cash cafeteria is the best part of 15 per week. Dd2 is joining her in September so that's 30 per week ish. Meanwhile the youngest get free school meals for now.

Well that's the opposite of what you said - "just clarks" implies that's nothing fancy, and refusing to economise on footwear (which I agree with, but I don't find Clarks much cop at all) implies the opposite.

Well my children's feet are one think I won't economise on*

Lots of people have to. I definitely didn't have the money to buy clarke shoes when my daughter was younger

Yes I accept that. When I said just Clark's I meant not designer. We are not rich but most of our clothes and kids clothes are second hand so we can buy shoes which fit. Startrite would probably be better but more expensive.
Just pointing out that they don't have loads of designer stuff.
Just things they need.

Indeed, there's always something more expensive!

I don't think that I could get my teenage daughter into a pair of Clarkes' shoes

Clarks? You can tell I don't shop there, haven't a clue how to spell it.

My kid (not a teen) wears m and s shoes for school and Tesco the rest of the time.
I don't remember having nor caring about shoes as a teen though.

£91 this evening on DD's uniform (4 blouses + 2 trousers). She's campaigning for new shoes, too (sigh).

I spent £40 on socks & tights on DD last week (school & out of school) and she's only 9. Socks ffs.

£135 in Clarkes last week too - 15yr olds school shoes - plus 9yr old's school shoes and trainers. Still got DS2 to buy for. It all costs a bloody fortune.

After GCSE results tomorrow DD wants money to contribute to a friends' picnic.

I offered £3. She can pay any more from pocket money. Her Royal Precious is not chuffed but good news is she's got a paper round which may lead to shifts working in a news agent (woohoo!)

WaxOnFeckOff very good post. I don't understand why people seem to lose interest either.

Others on here make good points about simple love and wanting to do the best for your kids. Why wouldn't you??