To not understand why teenagers are said to be quite so expensive

[theduchessstill]

On here I often see it written that having teenagers is so incredibly expensive and I don't understand why.

It's actually getting me quite anxious as ds1 is 10 so the teen years are fast approaching. I followed one of those links people post last week where you put in just your income and how many dependants/adults live with you, and apparently I am better off than 81% of people now but that will plummet to 51% of people when both dc are 14 +. Obviously this is a crude tool, but it has been niggling at me.

Why are they so expensive and are none of the costs balanced by the absence of childcare fees with this age group ? Childcare is easily my biggest cost after my mortgage and I often think I will be better off when I don't need it anymore. Exactly what takes its place? I know food - and am already seeing it with ds1, but food can only cost so much, surely. What else is so expensive with teens? I know I probably sound stupid, but, hey, I want to know.

One of the things I have noticed is that the hobbies get considerably more expensive as they get older. Particularly if they are good at it and are committed.

You start off signing them up for a couple of little hobbies, it's only a couple of hours, and a few pounds a lesson and all good. But then they work hard, they're talented and they progress... one hour a week becomes two, then four, eight etc... before you know it you turn around, it's ten years later and they're training over 10 hours a week and it's costing over £300* a month.

But how do I tell her to give up something I signed her do to start off with? Particularly when she loves it, works hard to pass exams / win comps and we can afford it. To make her give up because of the cost (when we can afford it) seems like a punishment - she has worked too hard, become too good, made it to the higher / more expensive classes, so it becomes too expensive - whereas if she hadn't worked hard, hadn't attended every lesson, practised so much at home, she'd have made less progress, would be in a lower, cheaper class so could continue. To me, that lesson doesn't seem right.

(£300 is the cost of two hobbies - a sport and music lessons)

It all depends how much you want to make it expensive but somethings are naturally more expensive and you can't avoid them.

At high school dinner cost, uniform cost and trip costs are all more expensive. Teenagers also eat more, a lot more, which adds up. They are also often in adult clothing and shoes which costs more.

Aside from these you have the extras like designer clothing, phones, video games, technology, wanting to go out with mates etc which are more optional but add up incredibly quickly even if you say no to a lot of them.

As a family days out are more expensive as teens can't always get kids discounts for attractions, they also have to pay full fare on public transport and they eat adult meals in restaurants.

When late teens arrive you have driving, uni, housing etc although by this point most teens should be able to get a job to contribute.

We've just come back from holiday, and all the activities we did like sea kayaking, cable cars, water park our DDs had to pay full adult price because they were over 12. This doubled the cost most times.

Love the sweeping assumption that my 20 and 15yr olds must be criminals because they wear Nike trainers and possibly a tracksuit!! What a fucking stupid statement.

How about all the athletes who wear those labels, the mum who's run into Tesco in her Nike hoodie straight from/to the gym because they need milk.

Well done you on raising such well balanced human beings. I hope they don't have your pious attitude!!

They are teenagers. There are varying ages of teenagers a 13yr old is so different to a 16yr old and so much different to a 19yr old. You can't even compare them against each other.

Those criticising branded clothing have often stated your teen is at/going to uni. So they are at an age when they are adults and probably less influenced by what their peers have.

13yrs old might not care yet. They are still adjusting to new found independence from going to senior school and perhaps coming home alone and being allowed to go to friends houses or town unsupervised.

I even think there is a big difference between a 15 and a 16yr old. After gcse 16 can be when it starts to get a bit easier. Yiu are used to your independence, you can get a job if you need one and become financially responsible, even pass a bike test and get a scooter and be even more independent. Whereas 15 in many places almost impossible to get part time work, plus studying for gcse etc. They feel so grown up, so much more so than their 13yr old sibling but yet they can't have the responsibilities that being just 12months older can afford them.

I'd hate to be a teen now. And even if others think I'm a sucky parent because I do buy my teens branded goods and give then our old iPhones, you know what i really don't care. Both of my teens are lovely boys. Kind considerate one who has done well at school and one who is doing well and expected to achieve well. Plus great team players and love sports, lots of friends etc. We must have done something right and I'm proud of them.

Not everyone pays full time childcare, we always sort of cobbled opposing shifts and the like so that we only paid part time.

I don't think ds2 is expensive compared to many, he's not into brands and he has a job at a local theatre helping with the lighting. Still adds up though- from art supplies (school and hobby) to growth spurts, travel, vast amounts of food (we actually have three teens but not counting g their costs as they have SN so vary from typical- still- the food bill!). Not sure he costs much more than ds4 aged nine though, who has french horn lessons.

If my mum filled the fridge with convenience food when I was a kid I would have eaten her out of house and home - but she didn't. She had stuff that needed cooking from scratch - store cupboard ingredients. Yes I hated it but I'm fine and was fine and she was on a budget. So many parents pander to their kids too much.

Fivefouretcetc- did anyone mention fridges full of convenience food? And actually, as my teenager would say- 'what even IS that?'?

If my mum filled the fridge with convenience food when I was a kid I would have eaten her out of house and home

If wishes were horses..... :o

Today alone on going back to school items

dd leather shoes (doc martens as she needs sturdy shoes) £110
Ds three pairs of footwear (Shoes, trainers and football boots) £104
Dd school shirts £48
Ds school shirts £14
Various tights/socks/pants/boxers £28

Yesterday they got schoolbags (their other ones lasted two years so expect these to also) dd was £40 & ds was £25.

Dd is 16
Ds is 12

This is exceptional though and at least I didn't have the expense of new blazers, trousers or skirts.

Generally on a weekly basis I don't spent out of the ordinary amounts on my children

Dolce my dc have 2 sausages max when we have them thanks.

They still cost us a fortune in food. We don't buy a lot of meat and cheese/ eggs/ fruit/veg are expensive. We still have to buy them as last I heard starving kids isn't really on.

Dtwin 1 is as thin as a rake but always hungry. If I don't feed him he loses far too much weight. I can't just say no.

Re everything else I do say no- continuously but they still cost a fortune. Many things are out of my control.2 have a size difference in feet so I can't buy off the peg shoes. They all needed 3 pairs of school shoes each,saying no to school is not a choice. Just spent £300 on school shoes alone. I said no to skiing trips with school but yes re the language trip every body is going on and the geography trip. £500 per child, many day trips necessary for the curriculum are pricey.

Do I say no to orthodontics,bus fares,school uniform,wet suits at adult prices,shoes to hike in,books.....

DD just got £30 off me.
She wants

1. frixion pen refills & one new pen (£8-£9)
2. Some kind of expensive pore cleansing pads(£8 ?)
3. Mascara (£5+).
4. (Probably) Expensive grapes & cheap tortilla chips (? £4)

I'll look at receipt when she gets back.

Thing is,

1. She works really hard at school off own initiative, including in holidays. If she told me earlier I would have ordered cheaper Frixion items online; but even though she didn't plan ahead I am grateful she has a good work ethic. I don't have to nag her about school. Buying her expensive pens she likes when she thinks of them is small price to pay. I don't want to derail that.
2. The pore pads probably do nothing to remove spots but she's a teen with acne & shaky self-esteem, I need to support her to think she can cope.
3. Mascara she pays from own pocket money. It's not fair to expect a teenager to have same pocket money as an 8yo would have
4. She eats a healthy evening meal & the grapes are fruit, I have some junk food in my diet, too.
5. Bonus: She's OUT of the house in daylight hours during the holidays, interacting with the world, getting Vitamin D, reinforcing skills like getting to shops, shopping decisions, paying, talking to strangers.

Agree totally lljkk

On a side note has your DD been to the GP about her skin?

"Getting vitamin D"

Lol, I think like this too!

She wants me to take her to a dermatologist, Waxon (sigh).
Her acne is about like the girl here.
My dad was about like the boy has in this pic... I was inbetween. DD is ruddy lucky to get off so lightly imho. She does a lot of potions & lotions (whatever a youtuber has recommended this month, with the exact same active ingredients as the potion she tried last month).

ps: Big bonus of getting out is talking to strangers. I interview teens for placements & the number who make a big deal out of learning to talk to strangers. It's a lost skill for many in their generation.

We've spent all our kids' lives saying, "It'll ease up a bit in the next year or two." Hahaha. We're more broke now than ever.

And now they've hit University! Gird your loins, OP.

I'd take her to the GP, it's not too bad but might clear up better with something not over the counter. Maybe a course of antibiotics.

My boys were closer if not worse than your bad picture. Nearly 3 months in on roaccutane and it's working really well :)

DS2 will need plastic surgery due to the severe pitting to his face. DS1s was worse down his nose and chin that seems to be more robust than DS2s cheeks. Both their backs are very very scarred.

Can teenagers still do paper rounds? Would this make me a bad parent to get my dd to get one and then its her money for treats and i only pay for needs and the bits i do to spoil her

Can teenagers still do paper rounds?
There are no deliveries around here, even free papers stopped about ten years ago. I presume newsagents in towns and cities still deliver though?
I have to say when mine got part time jobs at 16 I didn't reduce their allowance. I used to give them so much a month to cover everything except for large essentials like winter coats or football boots.

lljkk I so agree about the talking thing. Communication skills are a casualty of growing up with social media. Mine are perfectly good at talking to strangers but I have to literally coach them through telephone calls and DS1 will do anything to avoid an actual phone call.

They can do paper rounds but good luck finding one, Most people don't even read a paper never mind get one delivered. Then you find the houses getting papers are so far apart that it means that they struggle to finish it in time. You may be lucky if you get a free paper in your local area but I'm sure competition will be stiff.

Around here adults tend to nab the paper rounds.

Oh yes! Orthodontics. Forgot about that. Ds's braces were around £3K.

A lot of what's on here isn't actually essential.

But sadly reflects what I hear at school from teenagers. Some examples from this year (state comp with affordable uniform):

• I dont get why we can't have bits on our school shoes. The vivienne westwood flats are cute (yes, it would seem some people are actually prepared to buy deisgner shoes for school).
• kids turning up with Michael Kors handbags for school and yet their parent complains when we tell them that the fashion trousers they've come to school in flout the uniform and they need a new pair. That cost is 'outrageous' but a bag that broke 5 weeks later is an "investment'
• You want the right brand so people know what you're like. It's about the right image miss, you don't get it do you?
• I tried an eyeshadow kit thay was cheaper than urban decay and benefit. The colours were the same, but it doesnt look right when its in your makeup bag.

All from 11-14 year olds!

You know the daft thing, "everyone else has..." is a lie. Most of them don't and I must admit I question the sanity of anyone kitting their kids out with really expensive gear, getting them 'must have' pieces of tech etc.
Anecdotally, it's the ones who go around showing off this expensive stuff that seem the most impressed by it. Most other kids don't actually care.

Orthodontics yes! Caught my adult son opening a beer bottle with his teeth and I flipped. Those teeth cost me four grand!!

And then they leave the plastic night-time retainer on the bed and the dog chews it (twice) - £120.