To not understand why teenagers are said to be quite so expensive

[theduchessstill]

On here I often see it written that having teenagers is so incredibly expensive and I don't understand why.

It's actually getting me quite anxious as ds1 is 10 so the teen years are fast approaching. I followed one of those links people post last week where you put in just your income and how many dependants/adults live with you, and apparently I am better off than 81% of people now but that will plummet to 51% of people when both dc are 14 +. Obviously this is a crude tool, but it has been niggling at me.

Why are they so expensive and are none of the costs balanced by the absence of childcare fees with this age group ? Childcare is easily my biggest cost after my mortgage and I often think I will be better off when I don't need it anymore. Exactly what takes its place? I know food - and am already seeing it with ds1, but food can only cost so much, surely. What else is so expensive with teens? I know I probably sound stupid, but, hey, I want to know.

I know you can say no, but why would you want to say no to all but the essentials (which are also expensive)?
I don't spoil my teens but they are my children, I want them to do nice things and have nice stuff. They are good kids.

Afreshstartplease - here braces are free if kids have a 6mm over bite or above.

Ah i thought it was 8! Mine needing them is at 11mm poor sod

Food - until you have teenagers you have no idea how much one person can eat.

Clothes - not due to brands but because in the blink of an eye they have grown out of everything they own and as they are now in adult sizes you are paying VAT which ups the cost.

That is before you get to the "luxuries" of equipment for hobbies/sports, school trips to Iceland etc.

I am the parent of two teenage boys. They cost a lot.

So Odd you'd stop your teen from seeing their friends or watching the shows everybody else watches.

My kids travel by bus to their school and kids come from all over. It's easier for them to meet up in a central place. Teens are under huge pressure these days, poor mental health figures are sky high. Exams are far tougher and they have far more pressures than we did. Isolating teens and not letting them have down time with their friends is really not a good idea.

I have 3 teens. I give them a tenner to go into town. This covers coffee,lunch and travel. Nothing else. Times that by 3 a few times a month and it can be pricey. Parents all work these days,very few want gangs of bored teens sitting round their house on the 2 days off a week they have. 9 timesout of 10 I'm belting round running errands at the weekend,seeing my own friends or trying to get some relaxation at the beach etc. Independent teens catching buses to see their friends are crucial.

My 3 have masses of homework and are young teens. A regular Saturday job is not an option at the moment. I worked my arse off for money as a teen which had quite an impact on my grades. I don't want my 3 making the same mistake. You commit to a job and that is it. You turn up every week and have precious little weekend left to socialise and do school work.

My 3 get £5 a week pocket money. That adds up for us. They share the cost of Spotify and have to pay for everything else out of it. They were paying for Netflix but I felt sorry for them as sometimes used it so now we pay. I remember not being allowed to watch ITV as a child. Coronation Street was verboten. It sucked. We laugh now but at the time it felt quite isolating not knowing what everybody was talking about.

Oh and on the subject of braces, both of mine have them on the NHS, but we live in a rural area and the orthodontist is a 3hr round trip so you have to factor in the cost of petrol for every trip. As well as a day of annual leave from work that I'd rather use for something more enjoyable!

Mine have them free. Not free the £26 start up kit,brace mouth guard for rugby/hockey,petrol for tightening etc.

Have we discussed toiletries. Shampoo, mountains of conditioner for long flowing locks,skin care,deodorant,sanitary products etc add up. None top end but as a monthly bill pricey.

Oh yes braces, that was £2500 as he didn't qualify for NHS but we wanted him to have his teeth done and it was well worth every penny, his teeth are incredible. Luckily #2 has terrible teeth and even the orthodontist took one look and said yup, no problem getting those sorted on the NHS.

Mine don't eat a lot, but we aren't overweight so none of us do the 'eating us out of house and home' thing.

Toiletries are quite cheap as they are for myself.

Mine spend a lot of time outside or doing gymnastics.

BigSandyBalls2015 You have a good point about their own money. Mine never actually bothered about labels or appearances much but I decided they should learn to budget and buy their own clothes. At 16 I started an allowance. I calculated roughly what I spent in a year on clothes, bear in mind these were fast growing but not fashion conscious boys, added in some for entertainment and some for GiffGaff. I think it came to £60 a month, was a few years ago.
What I found was that it just mounted up in the bank because faced with spending £10 on a tee shirt of their own money they chose not to. They are now students and their budgeting skills are excellent scruffy though

I just don't get why you would begrudge your child anything but the most basic essentials???

I can and do say no to mine, but I get a lot of pleasure from saying yes, too.

Don't start me on toiletries...they go through shampoo, shower gel, body lotion, cotton wool pads, deodorant, cleanser yadda...yadda...like wildfire. I'm grateful that they have such good personal hygiene but it costs a fortune!

fishyfriends The huge appetite of teenage boys is nothing to do with weight or unhealthy diet.
It's to do with huge fast growth spurts. The big appetite wears off to some degree once they get past 18 or so. Between 12 and 18 though they ate huge amounts.

Yeah, I suppose so. Mine are all girls so don't eat a lot.

I'm female. I ate loads. I never gained a pound either. I was TINY. The sort of tiny that makes people think you have an eating disorder or need feeding up.

Your body is growing and changing hugely during the teenage years - often in ways not imediately onvious.

Obvious*

Oh course you get pleasure from giving to your dcs but imo that is not a good enough reason to give. My kids want junk food and my pleasure in giving them what they want needs to be balanced with what's good for them not what gives me pleasure!

Mine have never really been like that. I wasn't like that either so maybe it's just way we are. My family are from abroad, so different culture I think.

I can't imagine ever saying to DD "look at all the lovely stuff I've bought for me. And this week I'm going for lunch with friends and DH, going for coffee, out for a meal, to the cinema, for a few drinks and booking a lovely holiday etc. You would like to have some money to do things DD? Tough you've got some sausages in the fridge (only two, mind) and some toilet roll and shower gel. Get a job!"

Clothing, food, travel, technology.... I think it's very easy for the costs to mount up without meaning you're spoiling your kids. And you can't get away with borrowing clothes and hand me downs as many of us do with baby clothes and equipment.

Having said that, I think a lot depends on whether you worked when they were small. Having had 2 kids simultaneously in day nursery plus eldest needing wraparound school care for several years, nothing is ever as bad again, not even uni costs! When we got to the point where all ours only needed wraparound school care we cracked open the champagne! And then gradually each child grew out of needing that and we thought we'd won the lottery!

On the other hand if you've never paid childcare think it comes as quite a shock that kids get more expensive

Agreed babbity. I think teenagers are very cheap compared to babies.

I can't imagine ever saying to DD "look at all the lovely stuff I've bought for me. And this week I'm going for lunch with friends and DH, going for coffee, out for a meal, to the cinema, for a few drinks and booking a lovely holiday etc. You would like to have some money to do things DD? Tough you've got some sausages in the fridge (only two, mind) and some toilet roll and shower gel. Get a job!"

But that is how life works. You and your dh can afford that lifestyle as you worked for it.

You're clearly well off. What of the parents who cant afford a life for themsleves like the one you just described.

Should they pay for their kids to have meals out, cinema, new clothes, when they wouldn't do it themselves.

I don't 'treat' my DDs to stuff like junk food. I treat them to stuff like naice toiletries or slip them £20 to met their friends for lunch.

When DS1 was in Sixth Form, I considered giving him an allowance, to cover dinner money, cheap phone contract, outings and clothes. I worked out that to cover this, even minimally, we'd need to give him 80 pounds a month. You can easily see how that would be a Primark budget.
We just hadn't got the money for that, what with an activity each for younger siblings and a London mortgage. Savings on things like packed lunches had to come out of our budget, not DS's; we were never able to afford for all 3 to have school dinners.
We might slip one of 20 quid every now and again, but that would not be a weekly thing.
Just housing, feeding and clothing them costs a fortune!