AIBU to say I don't want her near my son?!

[Libbywx]

SO a few weeks ago we had a christening for my son. Long and short of the family drama is I really dislike my fiancee brothers girlfriend. Main reason is she once put pictures on fb of her with my son sat on the sofa with her staffy cross alsatian (cross they say "American bull dog" that screams pit bull to me but I'm no dog breeder.)

Anyway at the christening she didn't speak to me because she knows better. What she did was pester my partners mum to let her feed my son a cupcake (a cupcake??? He's 7mo.) To which my partners mum eventually said "ask his mum" she did... I said no and she did it anyway.

So now I really dislike her. Blood boiling kind of dislike. When we go away for the night in September my son is staying with the in-laws.... SO do I say I don't want her coming round and being around him? Or is that really crappy of me?

I've bred dogs most of my adult life. No chance would I leave any unknown dog around any young child. OP have a polite word with your in-laws they probably feel the same and maybe feel under pressure to include their son's girlfriend in things without her acting immature. How old is their other son? Is he quite grown up? There's no magic age where common sense kicks but you're the parent so you have every right to say what happens and shouldn't with your LO. If she doesn't like it that's tough. I think you're being very calm

Why don't you speak to her yourself?

I can understand your anger, I'd be pissed off if someone fed my child when id said no, it's rude. And the dog thing would defo make me say something.

Libby I feel for you! I can't be arsed to RTFT BUT do agree with a pp who suggested pil come to your house? Maybe DS could be experiencing slight clingy behaviour during the week? Then a phone call to pil to explain wouldn't be too far of a stretch of the truth and gets you out of the situation. Btw i agree, cupcakes and rescue, UNKNOWN dogs are NOT the environment for a baby.

You may continue the bitchfest!!
(Not you OP!)

There's nothing wrong with a 7 month having a cupcake

There is if the mother had said not to feed it to him. It's extremely disrespectful to not abide by her wishes.

Be very clear about your expectations with the ILs and why you have them. Your child your rules. Simples!

With regards to the dog American Bull dogs are a totally different breed to pit bulls and as a rescue there need to be very specific boundaries on both sides - child and dog. I have a rescue Ambull and an 8month old baby - he is lovely but still a dog and she doesn't understand boundaries yet so supervision of them both is important. They should grow up mutually respecting each other not the dog being used as a hobbyhorse / climbing frame or the dog thinking it is more important than the child.

The cupcake is annoying but not world ending be very clear that you will decide your child's diet and no means no. Worse case scenario being a food allergy that she ignores and LO ends up poorly.

Best deal with it now though before it escalates into a total soap opera.

Anyone who sits a baby near a recent acquired and big rescue dog , or any untried dog for that matter is an utter and complete idiot. I went cold when I read that.

And I've got two dogs of my own that I love like babies, so I'm in no way a dog hater.

And I've have knocked her into next week if she'd fed my baby cake after I said no.

YADNBU OP

It's hugely irresponsible of her to let a recently acquired rescue dog near your baby. And the cupcake thing is totally out of order too,

Ask your ILs to keep her and her dog way from your baby. If you don't think they'll do so, you need to change your plans or find a different babysitter. You won't enjoy your night away if you have to worry about what's happening with dc all night. Who cares if she/they think it's crappy? Your baby, your rules.

YANBU

we were at a family BBQ and someone gave my 6 month old daughter chocolate cake knowing I didn't want her to have it. She laughed her way out of it and tried to make me look unreasonable 😡😤

Can't abide people who deliberately disrespect your wishes and then mock you in the process!

You were right 7 months old is too young and how dare she gainsay you!
He may have allergies she wasn't aware of. What exactly was in the cup cake? My dentist friend didn't allow her children to experience sugar for the longest time possible. I wish I had done the same thing. Keep her away from your child.

Libbywx if the think you won't be judged on MN I'm afraid you're in for a nasty surprise 🙄

Can't believe so many people are happy for a 7 month old to have cake! Both my DCs had immaturity allergies to egg. Would have caused them real harm. You don't give a baby any food if the parent says not to.

I haven't read all replies but I get you.

Contact with dogs is great but if they haven't had him long, and he is a rescue, you need to watch for a while and see if he has settled in. I know they vet dogs before rehoming but always best to keep an eye on kids and dogs (they so tend to hang on them)

The cupcake thing, well, if you said no, then no way should she have. At that age when you are introducing foods, you never know if they have an allergy. My son has a dairy allergy and most people so not get the 'a little bit won't hurt', WILL actually hurt and could be bad.

It's going to be awkward as if you not there, you cannot stop her going, even if the in laws say she won't. How much do you trust them? If you can trust them to do as you wish, have a word. If not, anyone else who could have him? Or worst case you won't be able to go...

I think YANBU but are ABU at the same time.

I would be pissed if someone fed DD something I had already asked them not too. I'm very much trying to avoid processed rubbish at least until she is 1 and as long as I can control what she is eating I will. Plus I don't understand other people's need to feed DC that are not theirs food that isn't good for them. SIL threw a strop when I said I didn't want DD having Easter eggs still next year even though she will be 17mo.

The dog thing I somewhat get. We have dogs in our family that are docile as anything but I wouldn't feel comfortable DD being around them if me or DP wasn't there. A lot can happen with animals in a quick amount of time and if your not there you have 0 control of the risk. But YABU to 1)assume that this dog is a pit bull and 2) further assume that as it must be a pit bull it also must be especially dangerous.

Simple solution really though isn't t? Don't allow her to have unrestricted access that involves you not being there in arms reach to stop things you don't want from happening?

FFS Mumsnet is bonkers.
If I started a thread saying I had a young baby and was going to get a dog I would have a ton of dog lovers shrieking at me that I was selfish and stupid.
Babies shouldn't be allowed near dogs because babies will poke and prod and then it will BE MY FAULT if the dog bites and they would all bet I would want the poor dog killed dead.

Yet a mother has a perfectly reasonable objection to her baby, who has no experience with dogs, being plonked on human furniture next to an untested rescue and she gets called PFB.

OP this woman is your nearly BIL's girlfriend not your mother or MIL. Of course you get to dictate if she is around your child. She isn't significant and she has no rights.

I breed dogS and would never trust any dog alone with a small child! My worry would be are they likely to get distracted and leave the baby alone with the dog? It may only be a small % but if you are the mother of one it doesn't matter if a large % or small%. Going against the mothers instructions with the cupcake would make me very wary of how responsible this girl is after all she didn't know that maybe the child may have had an allergy, if the mum says no then it's bloody no

but why would she be there ?

NRTWT. Where were you at the christening? You could've stopped Cupcaje Gate there and then...

I don't think you are being unreasonable, I never liked dogs around mine when they were little. Yes I'm sure nearly all are safe but it's a risk I didn't want to take, that was my decision. Speak to your in laws and explain

If your ILs are too "nice" to say no and keep your child safe then you really shouldn't use them as babysitters!

Hire someone reliable for babysitting so that you or your OH can be there at their house when your child is.

You sound way too PFB

A mix of two dangerous dogs together, and a baby?
Insistent on feeding a baby a cup cake? Not like he's personally having a tantrum screaming 'cupcake, cupcake now', so why would you want to!
Tell mother in law under no circumstances is the dog allowed, it's a baby so no doesn't need cake or it's tastebuds changing to favour sweet stuff (no need to mention names here). If they can't agree then try and find alternative care / not go away / take son with you.

I'm sorry but what does PFB mean ?

GOD you are so one million percent entitled to protect your baby from such a dog. The dog lovers on here will HATE me

Odd comment, pretty sure everyone on this bread has agreed that dogs unsupervised with children is really stupid?

Anyway yes the dog thing is really bad but EVERYONE saying the OP is NBU seems to forget it is the GP who were responsible for the child when left with the dog. So please can someone explain how this is the gfs fault? Because it is her dog and she put the pictures up? It was the GPS house and they were looking after the child.

You sound way too PFB

That's not what PFB means.