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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to say I don't want her near my son?!

273 replies

Libbywx · 16/08/2017 09:00

SO a few weeks ago we had a christening for my son. Long and short of the family drama is I really dislike my fiancee brothers girlfriend. Main reason is she once put pictures on fb of her with my son sat on the sofa with her staffy cross alsatian (cross they say "American bull dog" that screams pit bull to me but I'm no dog breeder.)

Anyway at the christening she didn't speak to me because she knows better. What she did was pester my partners mum to let her feed my son a cupcake (a cupcake??? He's 7mo.) To which my partners mum eventually said "ask his mum" she did... I said no and she did it anyway.

So now I really dislike her. Blood boiling kind of dislike. When we go away for the night in September my son is staying with the in-laws.... SO do I say I don't want her coming round and being around him? Or is that really crappy of me?

OP posts:
Donttouchthethings · 16/08/2017 17:30

Would it help if your in-laws looked after baby at your house rather than theirs?

BoneyBackJefferson · 16/08/2017 19:48

Something else with this

YANBU if you are the one to miss out, she shouldn't be avoiding you for your grudge.

Trustmeimadoggroomer17 · 16/08/2017 19:57

At first I thought about the dog yabu but now you say it was a rescue yadnbu! Idiot she doesn't now the dog she doesn't now what could set it off I would of went ballistic!

Secondly weather it was a cupcake, an apple or whatever you said no and she did it anyway this is a complete disrespect to yourself and you baby!

Tell her to back the fuck up, and if she wants to see your child do as you say and if you go away and she does stuff you have told her not to. Tell her she has made her own bed and she need to lie init! God I hate people who think they can do what they like with your child ahhh!!

BoysofMelody · 16/08/2017 20:03

Tell her to back the fuck up, and if she wants to see your child do as you say and if you go away and she does stuff you have told her not to

Blimey, which charm school did you attend?

For the most part people don't eff, jeff and issue threats to others in the family circle. Plus, seeing this child probably isn't the carrot you imagine it to be.

Whocansay · 16/08/2017 20:15

She's shown extremely poor judgement on two occasions and has undermined the OP. I wouldn't want her around my child either.

BoysofMelody this is a forum for adults. We can 'eff and jeff' all we like.

BoysofMelody · 16/08/2017 20:32

I have no problems whatever with effing and jeffimg on here, I both eff and Jeff myself, I was suggesting that telling someone in real life 'To back the fuck up' and 'do as I say' isn't valid recipe for wider family harmony or likely to achieve a change for the better.

Whocansay · 16/08/2017 20:45

BoysofMelody People like to vent on here and describe their outrage. I don't think most of us would really be anywhere near as bold in real life. However much we may feel like it.

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/08/2017 20:52

Thanks trudiedoo Smile.

chloesmum. That's awful. You poor thing.

StickThatInYourPipe · 16/08/2017 22:06

Still no one has explained how the dog is not the fault of the grandparents. They must have allowed the dog to be near the baby as it was their house and they allowed he dog into the house!

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/08/2017 06:06

I agree StickThat the gps are very much in the wrong as well. And should know better as they have age and experience on their side. Op has said they're too nice to refuse. However that doesn't exonerate them. That means they have poor boundaries.

feathermucker · 17/08/2017 06:16

You don't sound PFB at all. Most dogs would be fine, but then YOU would've made that choice to introduce your child to them. You just don't put somebody else's young baby in a photo with a rescue dog who's character at that stage is unknown!

You said no to the cupcake, so that should've been the end of it!

I think YANBU

Nuttynoo · 17/08/2017 06:30

The dog situation is the parents fault not the 18 yo's. Might have been her dog but it's their house. As for feeding cake - it's a one off. Sounds like this girl adores your son - no harm in that.

kateandme · 17/08/2017 06:48

any kind of dog with baby or youngster a ituation you have to be careful with.my aunt had the most caring wonderful wouldn't harm a fly dog.literal best friend to the fam.yet the toddler accidently grabbed her tail like she did with her teddy and instinctual reaction was for the dark to turn quickly and yap.to which childs hand was there.ouch ouch ouch.wasnt anyone fault but accidnets happen.dogs aren't used to little kiddies wild movement.kiddies don't no that dogs aren't cuddly grabby things.
so you have to tak care just out of sense really
could you tell in laws your fears.be really calmly honest."listen I'm going to have to me a over sensitive mummy and ask you to keep special eye for me.just to alivaiate my worries."a mum should get this.we all gt panicky leaving those we love epxeically when so little.

SleepingStandingUp · 17/08/2017 10:18

I suspect OP won't blame the GP as its her childcare. Meanwhile the gf isnt real family like OP. And if gf and bil do have babies then the GP will already be primed to have pushed everyone else aside for the OP's child.
Sorry new dil we really can't help look after baby cupcake as we have baby OP and you know it would cause problems...

StickThatInYourPipe · 17/08/2017 10:47

SleepingStandingUp this is what I suspect also tbh.

ChickenVindaloo2 · 17/08/2017 11:17

OP. YANBU. You don't leave your son with your in-laws unless they assure you she won't be there. She has proved she can't be trusted. If your inlaws allow her access against your permission, they will also lose babysitting privileges.

IMHO it's only your own parents who you can trust.

Fuckit2017 · 17/08/2017 11:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KEB123 · 17/08/2017 17:26

The cupcake thing I think I'd have let slip but the dog thing I completely agree. And btw I'm a vet and my kids have always been around our dogs but in a controlled way under close supervision and with animals I know well. So I'm in no way anti-dog!!

sleeponeday · 17/08/2017 17:32

I'm a dog person. Which is why I know that anyone thinking a small baby and a newly rescued American bulldog is a good combination is either incredibly ignorant or an irresponsible fool.

And you said no to a direct question about feeding a cupcake to your 7 month old. She ignored you. That's seriously shitty.

She's not a grandparent or even an in-law. She's a teenage girlfriend. No way would I want her near one of mine.

One of my cousins boasted in an email to my mother that she snuck my toddler son from under my nose and took him exploring around an old graveyard - the kind with broken tombstones, wobbly ones, everywhere, and perched on a steep hillside - as I was insanely over-protective. As it happens he was diagnosed as autistic, with serious gross motor skill problems including balance failures, and it could have been extremely dangerous. She's not seen him since, and she will not see him again. (Nor do I want her around my daughter, who is fully capable of clambering anywhere and does with frequency and aplomb, despite needing orthotic shoes!) When someone shows you who they are, believe them, and if they combine a total lack of common sense with extreme arrogance and dishonesty, why would you want them around vulnerable small children or babies?!

Choclover27 · 17/08/2017 17:32

I'm a dog owner and a parent ( my kids are older ). And I sure wouldn't take my dog near someone else's baby, even tho she's a babe. I also think the girl is an idiot feeding a cupcake to a baby without your permission. Stand up to her. Don't be afraid to. Make it public as you do it but say it nicely and firmly. She's the child, you're the adult

EllenMP · 17/08/2017 17:33

Ask your MIL not to leave her alone with your baby, to keep baby and dog in separate rooms, and not to let baby eat anything you didn't leave for him. This can be a bonding moment for you with your MIL -- get her on side with your program and you won't have to worry about the girlfriend.

user1483875094 · 17/08/2017 17:33

Libbywyx... GOD you are so one million percent entitled to protect your baby from such a dog. The dog lovers on here will HATE me, but just how many times over the last years have we read in the news about a "perfectly lovely staffie-type dog" turning and killing, or very seriously maiming a child or a baby. I have a tiny little (and HUGELY adorably well behaved) Jack Russell, but there is always a risk, and so when my nephew and his wife and new baby visit, my little dog is locked away as I SIMPLY COULD NOT RISK IT. You have EVERY SINGLE GOD DAMNED RIGHT to be utterly horrified and EVERY SINGLE GOD DAMNED RIGHT to make absolutely sure that your precious baby is never again, anywhere near such a dog. As to the cup-cake incident, - totally back you up all the way, how DARE she ignore your rules over what to feed YOUR baby. I think you need to have a serious talk with your in-laws, and if they are not 100% in support, then ask your parents, or good and close (adult) reliable friends to take care of your child. I cannot believe the folk on here saying you are acting OTT you SO are not! I back you up totally. Take care. Go with your instincts and feelings. Good luck. xxx

Rabblemum · 17/08/2017 17:33

Don't fall out over this just definitely never let her alone with your baby, she sounds too stupid. Oh well, so she's not going to babysit but just be as polite as you can and tolerate her. Your hate is part hormones, I remember hating almost anyone holding my first daughter so I would have felt a deep well of hate for this woman too. We forget having a baby is a primal experience and will bring up emotions you'll never know you had.

crdraper · 17/08/2017 17:41

No you're being entirely reasonable. Not only is a cupcake at 7mo ridiculous (I can remember being SO careful with the introduction of foods), but from the beginning the children should be taught that if a parent says no,m then its no. If she goes against what you say, then you can't trust her.

Arkenfield3001 · 17/08/2017 17:44

You sound a bit precious about your son! There's nothing wrong with a 7 month having a cupcake and a photo shoot with a dog is all right too. With regards to the sleepover in September you can't dictate whom your PIL have around the house but you could stipulate that they don't leave your son unsupervised with your future sister -in -law and that she doesn't bring her dog as you have concerns over the breed.

Good luck - I hope your PIL are understanding