Do your family take it in turns to pump on the Christmas tree?

[OverTheHammer]

DSs friend has just asked me this. He said at Christmas, whilst putting the tree up the whole family take it in turns to pump on it. He then asked, dead seriously "do your family do the same thing?". DS looked at me as though we'd been missing an essential part of Christmas all these years.

AIBU to think this is beyond weird to say to your mates mum??!

Saucy jack, pumping around the Christmas tree...

A rendition of 'Ding Pong Merrily on High' would go rather well...

Well, I always sing Last Christmas I did a big fart but I can't say I've actually done one deliberately at the Christmas tree. Why would I waste one on a tree when I have children to fart at?

Well, Christmas is the season for sprout-induced flatulence, I suppose... do they eat a special bean-heavy meal before putting the tree up, I wonder?

Am weeping slightly at 'shitnuts in small boy's pantaloons', partly with laughter and partly with the recognition that this sort of thing is i. My future too, given how amusing ds already finds his own farts

I have never heard pump as a euphemism for fart! I'm in stitches!

In west Scotland pump iseitger a fart or a horrible way of saying sex. I was super confused when a drunk colleague started shouting 'let's go back to the office and all pump each other in the photocopy room!'

Please OP tell us exactly how the conversation started and went ad verbatim!

Oh Christmas tree oh Christmas tree how shitty are your branches
I farted and I followed through, my advocaat all over you...oh Christmas tree oh Christmas tree please let me fart all over thee

This is utterly brilliant. Haven't laughed so hard in ages!

what in all holy fuck have I just read

That's my Xmas MN name sorted...PumpTheHallsWithBowelsOfHolly

Is it just me that thinks it's really sad?

I'm shaking with laughter!

Another from the NE here who says pump.

I wondered if they take it in turns one each year "Dad did it last year so it must be Sons turn this year!"

This has amused me muchly. Families do have in-jokes and daft traditions...this one is very funny.

I'd never heard farts called pumps until few years ago when I used to visit my friend and her four-year-old son and the moment anyone even so much as sniffed or opened their mouth to say 'Can you smell something?' he would say "I didn't pump!' in a clear case of the little boy doth protest too much. They weren't from the north east though.

I've heard the term pump, but around here it's very twee and it's always posh people who say it.

If anyone did the to my Chris they'd be sent outside & could stay there until February. Revolting.

I'm with you Bert, I'm not seeing the humour in this at all.

(Family from the north though & pump is what we say too, fart is vulgar imo)

@fourandnomore 😂😂😂😂 shitnuts and pantaloons! I can't read it to my DH without p-ing myself, that is so eloquently written 😁👍🏻

this thread is so funny, one for the classics!

We all say pump (pronounced poomp) in our family too - also from NE!

Never heard of this tradition but perhaps they don't like the aroma of pine. Perhaps eau de pump is more up their street?

What happens if you can't force one out?

The people who aren't finding this funny are somehow making me laugh even more.

What happens if you can't force one out?

The evil flatulence fairy comes down the chimney instead of Father Christmas and fills your stocking with sprouts instead of presents.

AnnieAnon I'd be revolted if someone pumped over my Chris too. They'd be sent outside until at least April.

But what about your Christmas tree?