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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To move my children to China

174 replies

Maisy313 · 13/08/2017 15:43

My dh has been asked to move to China for 18 months to 2 years, its a request rather than a summons but it would probably give him the push he needs to break that glass ceiling. I work part time in a fairly senior position in the media industry and would have to hand in my notice. We've got 2 children aged 6 and 3 and they would be sent to an international school on the company and we would be given a house to live in so the rent from our flat in London would equate to my wage. I go from thinking it's an amazing opportunity to travel and for my dh career-wise and possibly for me depending on what I can sort out as I would try and find similar work. But I hate the thought of being financially dependent on my partner and of jacking my career in (at a point where it's really taking off). I worry about the children being messed up by the move and the pollution being bad (I think we would move to Hangzhou). On the other hand the education they receive should be amazing and the school looks very welcoming. Is it a crazy idea or would you just go for the adventure?

OP posts:
sonjadog · 13/08/2017 15:48

I would do it. But then, I´d always choose the adventure. Life is short and I don´t want to get to the end and say "Remember the time we could have ...., but just stayed at home instead?"

silentpool · 13/08/2017 15:49

Hangzhou is a lovely city. I actually really like China and would move to Shanghai in a heartbeat but if you are not used to Asia, China could be a bit of a culture shock. I probably would do it as it would be an amazing opportunity for the family.

MyOtherProfile · 13/08/2017 15:50

Do it. Kids are the perfect age. Their schooling won't be disrupted and you will all have a really interesting experience.

Loopytiles · 13/08/2017 15:50

I would never give up my job and be financially dependent, and disrupt DC's education (popular schools likely to be full on return) to further my H's career.

Would your H do it for you?

Loopytiles · 13/08/2017 15:51

What about YOUR glass ceiling?

manicinsomniac · 13/08/2017 15:51

Yes, as long as:
*It isn't longer than 2 years
*You would be able to get a comparable job to your current one in China or at least do some remote work from home for a UK company.
*You don't have ties in the UK such as sick or elderly dependents

Thiswayorthatway · 13/08/2017 15:52

I am an expat. Do it. You'll regret not giving it a try. Kids are perfect age and will adapt quickly.

LostInShoebiz · 13/08/2017 15:52

I'm interested to hear more about this glass ceiling that seems to be affecting men now.

araiwa · 13/08/2017 15:52

Hell yeah- id do it

Genghi · 13/08/2017 15:53

Go. This could end up being a great experience for you too - Chinese media companies are desperate for English speaking professionals.

ImperialBlether · 13/08/2017 15:57

Could you do it and take another professional qualification while you're there?

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 13/08/2017 15:57

Yes. An ex colleague teaches in the International School in Bejing. Amazing experience.

WritingHome · 13/08/2017 15:58

Hangzhou is a really nice city and you have the lake etc. I would go for it and see it as an adventure. It is close enough to Shanghai to be able to spend time there too.

Good luck with it all!

Letitrain · 13/08/2017 15:58

Absolutely I would go,

Tilapia · 13/08/2017 15:59

I wouldn't have a problem with this from the point of view of the kids. But not if it was a death blow to my own career.

RedSandYellowSand · 13/08/2017 16:00

Ive ditched my professional job, and followed DH to somewhere much less appealing. The kids love having me at home. I love (most of the) holidays - 13 weeks summer holiday this year. Who knows what happens when we return. I discovered this summer that the oversubscribed school has 6 spaces for DS2 and 2 for DS1. I never thought we'd have a chance if getting back in there. BUT my career was about to go South pretty quick (previous manager who bullied, was carp and pushed me into depression was about to ge made my manager again, so I was going to have to leave). So that was the opposite to you.

But I'd say do it. The opportunities the kids have had are amazing in terms of seeing how other people live.

Magpie24 · 13/08/2017 16:02

I'm not sure I'd give up my job for my partner's job. Could you tap up a few recruiters and try and secure a position for yourself in China before you go? Is your job something you could do over there?

Ceto · 13/08/2017 16:14

Go for it. If you can get a job within your field in China, it can only enhance your CV.

Unpopularopinion101 · 13/08/2017 16:17

I absolutely hated China, but it would be an amazing adventure. Have you been before? I'd definitely visit and see how you find the culture before making the decision to move as in my opinion it was hugely different to anywhere I'd ever been before and I'm well traveled.

LadyLapsang · 13/08/2017 16:20

So in two years time is the plan that you will come back to the UK and DH will have taken a step up in his career? Then what? Will you be a SAHM and he will earn enough to keep you in a manner to which you would like to become accustomed, pay into a pension for you, pay school fees etc., or will you will have to find a new job, make up the slack in your pension contributions from two years unemployment and find state school places for an 8 and 5 year-old out of the normal application round?

Jaxhog · 13/08/2017 16:20

Sounds like a wonderful opportunity for you all. I'd do it. 2 years is long enough for the kids to learn Mandarin, which will be so very useful for the future.

Original poster
Maisy313 · 13/08/2017 16:21

I've never been to China, so checking it out before committing is a good call! I think in all honesty I'm more excited about doing some extensive travel with the children than I am about my dh's possible promotion, but if I could make something work for me CV wise in China then that would definitely help. Could you commute from Hangzhou to Shanghai one or two days a week or is that nuts?

OP posts:
BabychamSocialist · 13/08/2017 16:22

About 10 years ago it looked like DP might be getting transferred to Germany, and we'd made plans to go and it would've involved me packing in work. I was really excited. In the end, it didn't happen but we were ready to go if it had.

I'd always choose adventure - I've been to China many times and it's a fantastic, beautiful and interesting country. Your kids are the perfect age right now, as their schooling won't be interrupted too much. They'll get a fantastic education too. I'd grab the opportunity with both hands!

Original poster
Maisy313 · 13/08/2017 16:25

@Ladylapsang that's the bit that scares me, not the leaving but the coming back. I'd hope to do something similar to my position now in China and then go back to my career (in some shape or form) when we return to the UK. I love my son's school but despite being in London it's not hugely oversubscribed as we are located next to two outstanding catholic schools, so my son's school is seen as the less desirable of the three but has great teachers and a great community spirit.

OP posts:
BabychamSocialist · 13/08/2017 16:25

Plus, if your media job is anything like my sister's, you'll be able to take this career break and re-enter with no issues. It's much less of a problem in the media industry, according to DSis. She took a 5 year career break to have kids and was able to return to the same level of role as she had before and she's now progressing in her career to a higher position.

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