To move my children to China

[Maisy313]

My dh has been asked to move to China for 18 months to 2 years, its a request rather than a summons but it would probably give him the push he needs to break that glass ceiling. I work part time in a fairly senior position in the media industry and would have to hand in my notice. We've got 2 children aged 6 and 3 and they would be sent to an international school on the company and we would be given a house to live in so the rent from our flat in London would equate to my wage. I go from thinking it's an amazing opportunity to travel and for my dh career-wise and possibly for me depending on what I can sort out as I would try and find similar work. But I hate the thought of being financially dependent on my partner and of jacking my career in (at a point where it's really taking off). I worry about the children being messed up by the move and the pollution being bad (I think we would move to Hangzhou). On the other hand the education they receive should be amazing and the school looks very welcoming. Is it a crazy idea or would you just go for the adventure?

I'd do it! We've just moved back from spending 5 years abroad and I'd go back in a heartbeat! We had 2 young kids and a baby, and came back with another baby

Sounds like an amazing opportunity. Even if you don't like it, it's only 18 months

Do it.

Would you lose your children's school places? Are there likely to be places available in two years?
Does the contract include flights, health care, R&R trip, settling in allowance, adequate housing allowance, a driver, support settling in etc. See what's on offer and compare the pros & cons. Hangzhou is pretty, a nice city, not far from Shanghai. Air Asia offer cheap flights from Hangzhou to Malaysia so holidays sorted.

I'd go in a heartbeat but then I love adventure & think it's one of the best things you can instill in children (& I say this as someone who works full time in a very well paid career & would never ordinarily put my career 2nd to DHs).

Two years will fly by and you may never get an opportunity to do something like this again, I would do it!
My husband used to be in the forces and he had an overseas posting for three years so I put my career on hold to go with him. I thought I would work whilst we were away but ended up pregnant with twins just after we arrived so never did.
There were times when it was hard, I felt quite isolated and did struggle to not have financial independence but I wouldn't change it and look back on it with great memories.
I kind of see it as an extended grown up version of backpacking so it kind of satisfied my travel bug for a while!

Did it. Best time of our family life. My DDs regard the years they spent in an International Primary School as the best of their school years, so stimulating and gave them so many skills (google third country kids), along with all the travel . I did work there (marketing rather than media but those sorts of business skills are in demand), loved it but always felt I wasn't quite getting it so when I came back I did a Masters in Chinese Studies which made sense of so much I had missed and now my career has moved to specialising in Asian markets. Would do it / may do it again in a heartbeat.

I would though do a bit more in the way of learning about the culture beforehand, we had a course but it really didn't get down to the underlying differences in culture that arise from Confucianism, Guanxi etc. that explain so much of what can at times seem completely bonkers from a western perspective.

Pollution is an issue, no getting away from that

Oh and the food...... Fuchsia Dunlop just bought out a recipe book on the regional cuisine www.amazon.co.uk/Land-Fish-Rice-Recipes-Culinary/dp/0393254380?tag=mumsnetforum-21

I am an expat living abroad for 10 years now - and love it. I gave up my job in London for my husband and got a career here. Please do it - China is lovely (only went for a holiday but an amazing country).

Some of these are probably seem silly to other people but they make our life happy.

I dont think it's silly at all. It's important to weigh these things up. It's all very well talking about adventures but for the most part, living overseas is just dealing with the minutae of life somewhere else, and unfortunately, time as a trailing spouse carries v few CV points.

Re this specific opportunity, a lot has been said up thread but to add

• It's an exciting opportunity and it would be really interesting to work there in media due to major platforms like wechat etc. which just dont really exist outside China. I would explore options for you there.
• Hangzhou is quite a nice city. I dont think it would be realistically commutable to Shanghai though - its about 200km away, although I suppose Shanghai is such a sprawl that the western fringes may be commutable.
• Don't consider language acquisition as a major benefit since, as PP said, the DC wont retain it without major investment once you're back in UK and if they're in international school, they wont be anything close to bilingual within 2 years, unless its immersion.
• Hangzhou doesnt have as big an expat community as Shanghai/Beijing (city of 8 million with one international school) so it wont be a slam dunk socially. Yes, I know one should be integrating with the locals but it's actually not that easy due to language, and frankly, cultural barriers. It could take 2 years to build enough of a relationship to get invited for coffee . That said, sometimes smaller expat communities are easier as everyone's desperate to meet new people.

I understand your reservations. I think it will be an experience. I'm not sure it will be 100% a fun one. It'll be challengeing. For me, me being able to work would swing it in favour.

OP, our husband doesn't have a glass ceiling. You do, as you are about to discover. You can't see it. Because it's glass.

I find these threads so depressing. Sacrificing your career for your husband/family is hardly an adventurous thing for a woman to do.

This sounds amazing!

If you did want to keep working, it might be worth asking the company whether some kind of dual hire is possible? Media/comms skills sound highly transferable from business to business.

I dont think it's silly at all. It's important to weigh these things up. It's all very well talking about adventures but for the most part, living overseas is just dealing with the minutae of life
agree with this 100% - I've been an expat for over 20 years and a lot of the time it's the same crap, different view.

Or you could view it as a career break? We moved abroad as a family 2 years ago, for DH's work. It was very much a joint decision with DH. I was nervous about taking a career break but we agreed that if I was very unhappy then we would come home. It turned out that I loved it here and my CV has been broadened in ways I wouldn't have imagined - volunteering at DC's school, tutoring English, ad hoc consultancy work in my original field. We're now returning to the U.K. for other reasons and I have secured a job, in all my interviews they wanted to hear about my experiences abroad. And my DH will be at home with the DCs for a while so roles reversed from the past 2 years. I think it's key to make sure it's a joint decision with your DH and that you go with an open mind.

I would go. In fact I did a very similar thing for 2 years in Singapore- kids were a bit younger but oldest at intl school and we all loved it.
She settled back into Uk life really easily too. Go now while kids are little youll have a great time

I'd be on your next week plane, children and all. But then I've lived abroad more than than in this country (UK)

I've moved twice with my husband's job, and both times found interesting professional work myself which has enhanced my career and increased my salary levels substantially. I think it's better to frame this as an exciting opportunity for all of you, rather than a 'trailing spouse' situation. You've got the chance to potentially develop new aspects to your own knowledge and skill set, cushioned by your partner's employment contract. What's not to like!
And in addition to the potential career benefits for you, there's the overall experience for your whole family, which is enriching and exciting. We made fabulous friends across the world who we visit and are part of our lives. Our children are fluent in a different language and are themselves confident world citizens who've gone on to work and study abroad.

Go for it OP!

I would without a doubt.

Like you and PPs have said, I would try and find a way of keeping my name in my industry whilst doing so. You say your in media. Obviously I don't know what sector but if you can't take a sabbatical can you freelance whilst there? Work remotely a few days a week? Start some form of blog, this would work really well with moving and experiencing a new culture, to keep your name out there and have something to pull on when returning?

I would definitely find a way to make it work. It will be an amazing life experience for your family.

Do it!! What an amazing opportunity!

It's not an opportunity for OP, and could be a huge setback professionally and financially. It's for him.

In many fields it is VERY hard to get back into work after a career break.

Seeking work in China is a long shot and will depend on your visa. Very unlikely that your current employer will allow you to work from China PT, and few employers allow career breaks for this kind of thing with a guaranteed job at the end.

Of course it's an opportunity for the op! . An opportunity to have the amazing experience of living in another country. What a great opportunity.

I'd go for it OP.

Could you move to a contractor role and stay with your company that way? If so if go for it. These posts always end up being for longer than expected so I wouldn't just leave my job with the intention of getting back in the workforce in two years, because it'll probably end up being more like four years and that won't be so easy.

If you're even considering it, do it! We spent 6 years in China (including a year in Hangzhou) and loved it. It's not always easy but it's always interesting and it will give the kids a totally different perspective on life that will stay with them all through their lives (speaking as an expat child myself!)
It is possible to commute once or twice a week to shanghai - probably wouldn't want to every day though - now they have the fast train I think it's under an hour and nice and cheap.
There are also plenty of international companies in hangzhou you could look into.
I was pretty happy to give up my career to move and now have a totally different career which im much happier in to be honest. A lot of people reinvent themselves in China when they get away from their normal lives and have a bit of time to think about what they want to do.
Pm me if I can help with any specific questions - I haven't live there for a few years now but still have many friends there.

It is an opportunity for the OP and her DH. However, it must be a joint/family decision whether to go. It won't work otherwise, if the OP is miserable then her DH is likely to be too. Think about the positives, the opportunities, for all of you.

It's not an opportunity unless the OP is keen to experience expat living in that part of China, with DC, probably as a SAHM.

And it comes with some big risks to OP personally. And some to the DC.

There are so very few men that would do this for their wives.