To move my children to China

[Maisy313]

My dh has been asked to move to China for 18 months to 2 years, its a request rather than a summons but it would probably give him the push he needs to break that glass ceiling. I work part time in a fairly senior position in the media industry and would have to hand in my notice. We've got 2 children aged 6 and 3 and they would be sent to an international school on the company and we would be given a house to live in so the rent from our flat in London would equate to my wage. I go from thinking it's an amazing opportunity to travel and for my dh career-wise and possibly for me depending on what I can sort out as I would try and find similar work. But I hate the thought of being financially dependent on my partner and of jacking my career in (at a point where it's really taking off). I worry about the children being messed up by the move and the pollution being bad (I think we would move to Hangzhou). On the other hand the education they receive should be amazing and the school looks very welcoming. Is it a crazy idea or would you just go for the adventure?

Cantseethewoods - speaks sense!
I have been in china for 9 years and it is not expat-lite, in fact it's often expat- frustrating as hell.
Re working - be aware that new rules have come in re categorising alien work permits and it's no longer so easy to get a job here. China is becoming increasingly picky with regard to foreign workers.

OP you might be better off asking MNHQ to move this thread to Living Overseas where you'll get more informed opinions and advice.

You might want to check this link for air quality and pollution:
aqicn.org/city/hangzhou/
schools will have rules regarding pollution and outside play - I think at my son's school it's nobody outside above 260 and for younger children I think it's 200. The worst levels I have seen are 500 (Beijing), but have experienced 450 where I live.

chippy surrender wives = those with actual experience regarding the subject rather than someone who has no idea what they're talking about.

My parents did something very similar when my sister and I were similar ages. They never came home. Yes we had an amazing childhood and experiences that I'm sure have shaped me, but...

My sister and I had to go to boarding school at secondary. My mum spent all her life as a trailing spouse and had serious bouts of depression. My dad didn't want to come back to the uk as he had more interesting jobs and a lot more cash overseas, and reckons he would have found it difficult anyway. When I finished uni I couldn't go home to look for a job because my parents were 7000 miles away. They weren't here when my children were born and have a relationship with them that has mainly been conducted over Skype.

There is no way I would make the decision to go.

north did your parents move round a lot or stay in one place? We're you tempted to go to live where you grew up or not really an option?

*Quitting your job to follow hubby overseas isn't an 'opportunity' and an 'adventure'.

It's the most boringly conventional thing a woman can do. You might as well embroider yourself a tabard with 'Second Class Citizen' on it.*

It was an adventure for me. I tried my hand at a new career, enhancing the one I had at the same time. I went for two years and didn't have any trouble getting another job when we got home. I travelled to places I wouldn't have been able to from the UK, my kids learnt a foreign language and I didn't once feel like a second class citizen. It was a brilliant experience and I would wholeheartedly recommend it with such young children. There were periods of boredom, yes, but many opportunities and adventures that I wouldn't have had otherwise.

Am sure many trailing spouses make the best of it, but the career and financial risks are real.

Think about what you want to get out of it after a couple of years. Your kids will be fine in China and they will be fine in the UK. Most probably your DH too.

In your shoes, I'd be looking at the following:

1. Can you work remotely from China? With time differences, this is unlikely to work for a normal job, but it would be ok for certain kinds of project work. Would that be a possibility in your field/company?

1. How do you feel about trying to work in China? Can you start contacting companies and recruitment consultants based in Asia in your field? Any interest or lack thereof might be telling.

1. Is there anything else you would like to do? A qualification which would stand you in good stead on your return, or just something you have always fancied doing?

1. Are you happy to take a career break if none of the above pan out? Travel in Asia at every opportunity. Play loads of tennis. Volunteer. Socialise. Etc etc etc.

If yes to any of the above and if you think it would otherwise be a good opportunity for your family unit then I think you should seriously consider it.

I live and work in HK and have been a 'trailing spouse' in two other continents. We are moving to Shanghai soon and I will also work there. I'd say that any of the above variables would make it a good option for you, it would work your family.

I second a pp who said this would be a good question to post in Living Overseas.

what happens if after 2 years he's not satisfied with just breaking the glass ceiling?

what if he goes back on his word and extends/gets a new contract?
Or you separate?
Or you hate living there?

I think you'd need his permission to move back with the dc if things didn't work out for you
If he decided he was staying there longterm then i doubt he'd want the dc in a different country

Just joining those that say how amazing China is. I've been many times for work. I have grown to love Shanghai but also really like Hangzhou.

Your children are young. If it is for 2 years only, I think its an amazing opportunity that you may regret if you don't say yes to.

Cantsee they moved around every 1-3 years. I have never been tempted to move overseas. It would be nice to go back and see some of the places (although one of them was Baghdad, would probably give that a miss ) but I don't want to live there. It made me smile when a pp said they wanted to instill a sense of adventure into their children as I think my experience completed knocked mine out of me! I want stability, for my kids to have roots and friends they went to preschool with, to be here to help them whenever they need it. That said, I do occasionally get a strong urge to get on a plane and go somewhere hot

can'tseethewoods

Perhaps that's your bubble. I had two stints in China, one as a EFL teacher, one as an international school teacher. I learned a lot of Mandarin in my first stint, and built on it when I came back for two years. I have a working knowledge of the language, but it's not as good as many of my friends, who do not have Chinese spouses. They just give enough of a shit, and actually talk to locals.

north yes I can see that grad scheme opportunities in Baghdad might have been limited

Omg I would run there

Plus your kids are of an age where they may learn Cantonese/mandarin!

Also why don't you agree that because you're leaving your job the rent money from the London flat becomes yours in lieu of a wage?

d both times found interesting professional work myself which has enhanced my career and increased my salary levels substantially

@Getabloominmoveon even in non-western countries where english isn't widely spoken in a business context?

I think it is a bit pie in the sky to suggest this is a great career move for the OP.

@Getabloominmoveon even in non-western countries where english isn't widely spoken in a business context?

I think you're being a bit naïve to think that most people in business contexts don't speak English in China. Most of the expats I know living there have only a handful of Mandarin or Cantonese. All are professionals.

I did something similar when my DC were little (pre-school). Not China though.

We had an amazing couple of years.

However, it was agreed beforehand that we would definitely return at the end of two years. Lots of expats end up living that life indefinitely.

Childcare and domestic help was part of our package, which made it very easy for me to make the most of the situation.

I had a very clear plan about what I would do in those two years to ensure that I was not unemployable upon my return. And I stuck to it.

@imamouseduh basing it on my experience were my international company nominally uses English as their business language in China, but actually all dealings are conducted in Mandarin. We had someone go on secondment and they had a bad time, really isolated socially because all meetings and conversation were conducted in mandarin.

It just isn't realistic to say "oh, the OP can get a job". She is in Media which isn't mega transferable to China, probably can't even get a working permit and doesn't speak any mandarin!

MN is full of people who priorities their husband carers, it is wise to offer the opinion that that isn't always a good idea to probably screw over your career (which you need to be in for the next 25 years) over 2 years of 'adventure'.

Well it really depends what you do. Ironically in Hk you can get a job at Goldmans with no Canto but they'd turn you down in McDonalds. Extreme example but it's also really hard to get a job as a HCP, for example, or any sort of public sector job. Expats are highly concentrated in one or two very international sectors. As someone mentioned upthread visa restrictions are getting tighter and language requirements higher ( not uncommon to see written and spoken fluency in Chinese and English as nn). It's one thing to transfer with an employer and another to try to get hired in country. Media would not be easy with no mandarin for fairly obvious reasons- much harder than finance/ banking .