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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To move my children to China

174 replies

Maisy313 · 13/08/2017 15:43

My dh has been asked to move to China for 18 months to 2 years, its a request rather than a summons but it would probably give him the push he needs to break that glass ceiling. I work part time in a fairly senior position in the media industry and would have to hand in my notice. We've got 2 children aged 6 and 3 and they would be sent to an international school on the company and we would be given a house to live in so the rent from our flat in London would equate to my wage. I go from thinking it's an amazing opportunity to travel and for my dh career-wise and possibly for me depending on what I can sort out as I would try and find similar work. But I hate the thought of being financially dependent on my partner and of jacking my career in (at a point where it's really taking off). I worry about the children being messed up by the move and the pollution being bad (I think we would move to Hangzhou). On the other hand the education they receive should be amazing and the school looks very welcoming. Is it a crazy idea or would you just go for the adventure?

OP posts:

OlennasWimple · 13/08/2017 16:26

We did it (not China, but still the other side of the world) I don't regret it at the moment, though should confess that we are still overseas and haven't made the transition back home yet.

Our children have got so much out of living somewhere so different.

What are your realistic job options? Can you take a career break rather than resign from your job in the UK? Can you work remotely at all? Will the visa you get actually allow you to work in China, and what are the realistic prospects of being able to do so? FWIW, I think you shoudl assume that you will not work and proceed on that basis

oldlaundbooth · 13/08/2017 16:27

I'd do it.

Rossigigi · 13/08/2017 16:28

Go for it! What an amazing opportunity. If you don't you will always think 'what if?'. Kids are the perfect age too.

LoniceraJaponica · 13/08/2017 16:29

Is there any way you can ask for a sabbatical from your job?

Original poster

Maisy313 · 13/08/2017 16:32

I will ask for a sabbatical (would go in a shot if they said yes). But I don't feel hugely hopeful that they will. Maybe I could work from home for them a couple of days a week and take a paycut, I just don't want to take my foot out of the door if it can be avoided.

OP posts:

ihearttc · 13/08/2017 16:33

We had a similar decision to make but it was for the Middle East rather than Asia. DS1 was 11 at the time and DS2 was 5.

In the end DH went on his own and we stayed here. He comes back or we go over there every half term so we see him every 6 weeks or so.

ManyManyShoes · 13/08/2017 16:33

I'd absolutely go. I am an immigrant here and I find life in the far east a lot more vibrant than here. You and your kids will learn so much, the career can be rebuilt when you're back. Would be ideal if you could work in China as well.

EmeraldIsle100 · 13/08/2017 16:33

Definitely go. It's will be a great experience for your family. Children at that age soak up languages and learning Chinese will be a great asset.

HipsterHunter · 13/08/2017 16:36

Yes yes yes as long as the package is good AND you don't think your career will be fucked up bu going for 2 years. That would be my biggest concern.

Tensecondrule · 13/08/2017 16:38

I would go for it. Children are very adaptable at that age and I think you'd regret it in the future if you didn't give it a go. As for getting them back into school when you head back, everything is done online these days so you'll be able to make plans for your return ahead of time. Wish we had had such an opportunity!

IAmTheDragon · 13/08/2017 16:38

I'd do it in a heartbeat.

NachoAddict · 13/08/2017 16:41

Sounds like an amazing opportunity and 2 years is not that much of a career break surely, people take that long out having kids and what not.

LadyLapsang · 13/08/2017 16:41

If you could take a career break and work abroad that would be good. On the school front, may be worth looking at the demographics for your area. The LA usually have a school place plan which anticipates pupil yield from local births, housing developments, inward migration etc. Bear in mind, if your DS's school achieves an outstanding at its next inspection and the other schools go down to RI, the whole picture could change quite quickly. Also, you say the school is not very oversubscribed, but if you will not be at home on the relevant application date, you will be classed as a late application and be given a place after all the people who applied by the deadline.

jeaux90 · 13/08/2017 16:42

I did 3 years in the gulf. Prepare yourself for a massive culture shock where ever you go.

Upsides are that you can get home help cheap, you'll probably socialise more and expat communities are very welcoming.

Warning is not to sucked into the expat life style. Don't spend on credit without knowing the rules for exiting the country. Hopefully there is an opportunity to save money rather than spend it.

And yes, work if you can as it will look great on your cv it did on mine.

Dressingdown1 · 13/08/2017 16:45

Ds and his family live in Hangzhou and the dgc are at the international school (HIS). It's quite a culture shock for us visiting them and it is not a particularly pleasant climate, often too hot in summer to go out in daylight hours. The pollution is much less than it used to be since a lot of factories have moved out of the centre.

Depending on exactly where you choose to live, you can get to Shanghai quite quickly by bullet train, but if you needed to travel far across either city, it would make commuting difficult. A lot really depends on where your dh is working as Hangzhou is a very large area.

PM me if you like, ds is staying with us at the moment, so can answer any questions.

jelliebelly · 13/08/2017 16:47

Do it!! Kids are the perfect age - it's not forever!!

BoomBoomsCousin · 13/08/2017 16:50

It sounds like it would be brilliant for your DH and, having been moved abroad by parents at 6 myself, I would say it would probably be brilliant for your DCs. ButI think you need to put a lot of work into seeing if it can be brilliant for you too and not agree if it can't. Two years of fantastic travel and experience is a great offer, but you have many, many more years after that that will be built on what you can do now.

I would also consider the question - would your DH do the same for you? Not in because you should just refuse out of spite if he wouldn't, but because if he wouldn't he isn't looking at you as an equal, so will more likely be resentful of any differences in your earning power that the move creates or exacerbates, and will be less likely to make any personal sacrifice later to let you get back into your career to make up for following him.

On the dependent on him for finances issue - could you have the money from renting out your home go directly into your bank account? It won't make up for future loss of salary, but it would give you a fairly sure income stream if you needed it while you were in China.

MorrisZapp · 13/08/2017 16:53

No way would I move from my beloved home and city to further someone else's ambitions but the default on here is always follow your husband.

millifiori · 13/08/2017 16:53

I'd do it. The only issues that would concern me are not the ones to do with DC but you, your job and financial status. First, I'd suggest that all rental from the flat went straight to you in lieu of loss of earnings, so that you're not dependent on your OH.
Can you look into working rmeotely for the company, at least as freelance? With tele and skype conferencing and drop box etc your virtual presence could be as useful in many areas to them as your actual presence.

If not, can you transfer your skills and work in the media in China at all? Might some local TV or radio station or paper need an English correspondent? (Not sure what you do.) At very least, you could tutor in English. Chinese students are famoulsy hardworking and respectful of teachers, so it could be a temporary job with great job-satisfaction.

Is there any project of your own you could get stuck into- writing a book or research in your field that you could work on while there? Two years is a good chunk of time.

I'm a bit envious tbh. What an adventure.

millifiori · 13/08/2017 16:56

And as Emerald said - if you focused on learning Chinese that oculd be a massive career asset for the future.

Trollspoopglitter · 13/08/2017 16:57

I wouldnt do it if you need to find 2 school places in london when you return. 1.5-2 years often turns into 2-4 years as it takes at least a year to settle into the job and culture. The company is giving him 18 months to make a mark for himself. If he does, both he and his firm will want him to stay longer.

Ta1kinPeece · 13/08/2017 16:59

You will come home with a really good understanding of life in the world's rising superpower
Any employer who does not think that an asset on your CV is a dick

your kids will become bilingual without trying

go for it

Trollspoopglitter · 13/08/2017 16:59

Oh and earmark 2-3 months of rent for agent fees and repairs - it will be a month's rent just to get someone in.

HerRoyalNotness · 13/08/2017 17:01

I would check out the healthcare situation first. Excellent hospitals, doctors and dentists, are they all available?

A friend was in China (can't remember the city) her young child fell at a park and severely damaged her jaw and teeth. They ended up having to fly out to Hong Kong for proper treatment. Her and the Dc left for home after that. She found it very restrictive, not a lot to do, and she is an alpha mom who is very engaged, scrabbling to keep the Dc entertained. also a professional who couldn't work there at the time. She was much happier when she went home with them

Trollspoopglitter · 13/08/2017 17:02

Yeah unless her job involves knowledge of the world's rising superpower's culture, thats not going to mean dick to an employer for a senior person. It's not a fucking gap year, ffs

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