To move my children to China

[Maisy313]

My dh has been asked to move to China for 18 months to 2 years, its a request rather than a summons but it would probably give him the push he needs to break that glass ceiling. I work part time in a fairly senior position in the media industry and would have to hand in my notice. We've got 2 children aged 6 and 3 and they would be sent to an international school on the company and we would be given a house to live in so the rent from our flat in London would equate to my wage. I go from thinking it's an amazing opportunity to travel and for my dh career-wise and possibly for me depending on what I can sort out as I would try and find similar work. But I hate the thought of being financially dependent on my partner and of jacking my career in (at a point where it's really taking off). I worry about the children being messed up by the move and the pollution being bad (I think we would move to Hangzhou). On the other hand the education they receive should be amazing and the school looks very welcoming. Is it a crazy idea or would you just go for the adventure?

Do it! Amazing life experience and travel opportunities for you all. Life enhancing cultural awareness for DC and the opportunity for you to enhance your CV either by working or studying. The London house rent gets paid to you as recompense for the salary you're giving up and you won't be financially dependant. Win win!

Get the rent from your London place paid into your account, then you are not reliant on dh, treat that as your salary?

Will you Dh still get same amount of annual leave? I looked at the location, its near the coast which will be nice but also you can easily get to other parts of Asia for amazing holidays.

Air Asia are like the Easyjet of Asia, you could do Hong King (Disney too), Indonesia, Malaysia etc for some fantastic family beach holidays, also Air Asia fly to Oz.

I wouldn't do it. The pollution alone would worry me. Your career is taking off,you would probably find getting work very hard. Why let your career take such a hit if you don't need to.I'm presuming you don't speak Chinese, it is hard to learn and wouldn't you need it to work?I doubt very much your dc would become bilingual in an international school. You'd be bored witless on what would become a 2 year holiday.

Could he not go but you stay and have great holidays there with the dc?

Then there are the human rights issues

www.amnesty.org.uk/issues/china?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI55fKx6PW1QIVxLftCh3YZAWiEAAYASAAEgKWBfD_BwE

I think it would be fine from the point of view of the kids, great to have a short term experience of living in such a different culture for you and the family.

It all hinges on your job & career. How likely will you be to find a good job for yourself in China, and what job prospects will you have when you return. Would it be feasible to get another senior level part time job in your industry or are they very rare?

If your prospects look bleak or unsure, I think it would be a deal breaker.

Another expat here. Do it! If your children were around teenage years I'd approach mote cautiously but as they're still that young it's a great idea. And I say all this as an expat who hated my first proper move (it was Saudi though 😒).

We have just turned down DH having a similar opportunity in HK. I work 2 days a week in a job I love. We have a lovely home and have just settled into a lovely village community. The 2 dc are at good schools that they enjoy. We have done lota of travelling and we always wanted to spend time abroad at some point but tbh we are pretty happy right now and I would take that over the experience plus career opportunities for DH.

Loopytiles, my dh would've done it for me if I could've commander the salary he does.

I wouldn't want my dc breathing that in for a week let alone 2 years.

I must add, I gave up my job to do it. Ended up in another (not quite paperwork legal ) job in Saudi quite by chance and it gave me a total career change. I'm now a SAHM and am officially retraining whilst ds is still young. Win win.

The risks are very high for you OP. There is a very real danger of torpedoing your career.

And the kids won't 'effortlessly become bilingual' as someone suggested up thread. We are currently living outside the UK with kids in international school. Even the bilingual families don't use two languages 'effortlessly'! It's a huge effort.

Settling kids into a new home, school and routine will also fall to you. There will be tears. My two (then 6 and 3) were very reluctant to try anything new during their six month settling in phase. They didn't want to meet new people (from outside school) or try new food or see new things. They cried when I tried to take them to a new playpark. And we're in the Netherlands! Everything here is similar to the UK. That won't be the case for you.

My kids are settled now. But the company has started asking for us to stay four years (from an initial two) and I really don't want to. But I'm not in control of that - the company is. And my DH is now the sole earner, so we need to think carefully about how much we piss off his employer.

There have been some great things about this experience. But both kids (now 5 and 9) are adamant they wouldn't do this with their kids. And that's a bit of a killer.

AND there's no way the kids will get back into our catchment school when we do go home. In fact, I'll probably end up with them at two different schools. No idea how I'd make that work with restarting my career.

No way would I agree to my dh working in Saudi whatever salary was involved given the human rights issues and life for women. Not everybody is driven by money.

Who cares if they won't become effortlessly bilingual? (I agree they won't). I taught in international schools for years and overwhelmingly it was a positive experience for so many families and children. The ones who thrived were the ones who threw themselves into the community. For some this meant the local community learning the language etc but for many that meant the school community which is also a really valid experience. The kids in taught have friends from all over the world and were really global citizens.

I wouldn't go to China. If it was a country I'd like to live in, or even one I would be interested in being in for a couple of years I'd do it, but not China.

I would do what I could to get a sabbatical or still work for them if at all possible, but if not I'd look for different opportunities once I got there. Much easier in media than many other things.

I wouldn't put my children into mainstream school in China & putting them in an international school means they definitely will not become fluent. But in other countries I'd consider mainstream school as them becoming fluent in another language would be part of the draw for me.

I think if you don't dislike the idea of going to China, then it's a great opportunity, but plan carefully. Find out exactly where you'd be living in HZ (it's a huge area!) and what the expat community is like there and how commutable it is from there to SH. Find out what opportunities there are for the children to attend things to become fluent (more fun than strict, rote, learning).

Even more important than that, really think about your relationship with your DH. Don't even consider it, if it's not very strong & if you know he wouldn't do whatever it took to support you, even coming back, if you were really unhappy. Will he do his best to be home? To involve you with his work friends? To travel while you are there?

I wouldn't do it.
Apart from the real risk to your career and finding school places again for dc, how do you know that it will just be 2 years?
What if you go, stoically plod through 2 years and then the company won't move him home? Or he doesn't want to go home?
What if you're homesick for 2 years?

Could he go without you, work weekends and have extended holidays in the UK as part of his contract?
You and the kids could spend your holidays there with flights paid for by the company as part of his contract.

Ironingmountain, we're driven by giving our ds the best life we can. Women are treated like shit all over the world. I don't agree with any of it. Difference is, most modern countries have laws they don't bother abiding by to look the part. Saudi doesn't.

China is an amazing beautiful country with some wonderful people.

I wouldn't do it, personally, but one of my DD's friends (4) has just moved to Singapore with the family for her dad's work and it seems to be working out well for them.

Teaandtoast, that's such a negative view. What if the OP goes and loves it? Finds a new job? Kids broaden their horizons and make new friends?

Yes, it is a negative view. Are they not allowed?

With kids that age (mine are similar) I'd go.
Things I'd be concerned most about would be the pollution, general healthcare available out there (I imagine good for expats as long as they have the right insurance) and getting kids back into a good school when you got back. However you would be back well before having to sort secondary school. In the meantime an international school environment would be fab for them I'm sure.

Also what would the grandparents think about it, my kids' grandparents are getting on and not really up for that kind of travel, but yours might be younger and up for it. But two years isn't that long.

Tea, I just think the OP needs a balanced view and I have been in a similar situation. Don't dismiss what you don't know. Embrace the unknown as an adventure. My DH would support me if the tables were turned in a shot, and I know several expat career women with DH at home with the DC.

"my dh would've done it for me if I could've commander the salary he does"

Fathers often "command" higher salaries partly because they take decisions prioritising their jobs. Whereas mothers take decisions prioritising unpaid, family work and their H's jobs. As OP is considering in this case.

The op won't be getting a balanced view if all she's getting is 'think of the adventure!' I'm just saying, for balance, 'think of the downside'.

It won't be an adventure if she can't work, has no job to go back to, doesn't like it, her kids don't like it and her husband doesn't want to or can't go home. Oh and I forgot the pollution, amongst other things.