To ask if I have left it all too late?

[youcan]

Aged 37, for marriage and children?

Be honest!

The key with online dating is you've got to see it as more of an interview process than traditional dating. The mistake lots of women make is to approach one man at a time, spend a lot of time chatting online before the first meet up and then become disappointed after meeting a few times and realising he's not for her. Repeat this experience a lot and online dating is depressing.

If you think of it more like you're looking for a person to fulfil this position/role in your life (partner with the potential for developing into co-parent) it makes more sense and you can be more businesslike about it. So sign up for as many services as you can handle and be clear about what you're looking for in your profile (age range, no kids, interested in a serious relationship and perhaps kids in the future). Don't spend ages chatting to a person online but seek an in-person meet up as soon as possible. Pick a public and fairly casual place which is affordable for your budget (Coffee, for example, is fine) and basically treat the whole situation of the first date as an interview process. Don't, obviously, interview the guy! But have certain things that you're looking out for which are obvious nopes, or things which you're specifically looking for as yeses. And have as many dates with as many different guys as you can find, because the nature of online dating is that you'll be rejecting a lot more than you decide to proceed with. Don't feel bad about rejecting someone after the first date, because it's just a compatibility/suitability for the position thing, nothing more. If you do find someone you want a second date with, do schedule it, and feel free to put a little more into this, but don't cancel any other first dates you have lined up. In fact I'd argue that three dates is probably a minimum for exclusivity if you're aiming for efficiency here, which you should be.

Not necessarily, women do have babies well into their forties. But it doesn't always happen. And by the time you've got involved with someone special and reached the stage of trying for a baby chances are you'll be at least a couple of years older.

I suffered infertility and ended up adopting. It took us 7 years to get to that point. But I was 32 when I met my DH and 33 when we got married. I'm just saying there are no guarantees.

It's definitely not too late to get married though, of course not!!

bertie really interesting approach to old. Makes sense though.

Op you say you don't want advice. Fair enough. If a simple aibu response then no yanbu to think you might have left it too late. But mostly because of your approach 'my life isn't how i want it to be. But i don't like the fact that changing it will be hard and involve compromises'

You don't have to do old. But if not you have to put yourself out there some other way. You have to have your friends looking for you. You need to be going out all the time meeting different people. Although I recognise your financial constraints so you need to do this cheaply.

Egg freezing might not work. But it definitely won't work if you don't look in to it.

Step kids may not be the family that you want, but could you see a future where they are part of your family? This opens up your pool of 40ish year old men. (I'm presuming you are straight)

You probably need to weigh up how much you want a family. If you really want it you are going to have to really put effort in to get it. It is ok if actually you think 'it's something that would be nice, but isn't ultimately my sole goal.i can be happy without a family ' in which case some for happiness. It is more than many achieve

No not at all. Had my first at 42.

Possibly yes, possibly no. Do you know about your fertility status at the moment?

I know one person who has done it (married and baby at 39) but her partner is 10 years younger, so that massively improved her chances at natural conception. She's been struggling to get pregnant with a second though at 41 now.

@Joey7t8

Settling will end up with you being in an unfulfilling relationship with someone that you're not in love with

OP hasn't got years to find someone. Of course she needs to settle for a partner. No-one is perfect and if she spend years looking for Mr Right she'll be too old to conceive.

As others have said, if you really want a genetic child you need to get fertility tests done to give you an idea of remaining egg reserve.

If you were in a stable financial position and putting your all into finding someone then I would say you had time. But as that doesn't seem to be the case I think you need to plan a child free future just in case.

No one can answer this for you. Fertility is a tricky and very individual beast. MN seems to have a disproportionate number of older mothers on it, which means you may get a warped view of how easy it is to get pregnant in your 40s.

For example, I'm struggling to conceive number 2 at 36.

If you really want kids, I'd prioritise that now.

Agree with Laurie - I was told I had v low egg reserve age 34. It all worked out well, but I doubt I could get pregnant at 40. It's all very individual.

When you meet someone 'later', relationships tend to be fast-tracked. Often moving in together sooner, trying for a baby sooner. So no, not too late.

No, I got married at 37 and was very lucky then to go on to have two children at the age of 38 and 40.

I got pregnant naturally (and quickly) with my youngest son at 41.

Pushing it 'slightly' for natural conception unless you have a suitor lined up and ready to fire. But no.. it's a pretty normal age to start a family these days

Met DH at 36.5 years, DC1 at 38.5, DC2 at 41 and married at 42. I say if you want a family get the kids in first!

I know 2 pregnant ladies at the moment - one is 45 and the other 47. I believe both were IVF conceptions but having children later is definitely becoming more common and is not impossible.

No, but be realistic, we might all live longer, be healthier, look younger, but your ovaries are still old. Everything you want is still entirely possible.

I was 37 when I met DH. Engaged at 38 and married 11 months after that. We've just had a baby, a couple of weeks off my 40th so I'm one of those 'you're not too old' posters

HOWEVER - and I say this in a kind way, I had to work at it. I had to get some therapy as I wanted to sort few of my own issues out, I made sure I had a really fun life and enjoyed my single status to the max. I like to think not only was this healthy for me, it helped me meet a similarly upbeat person who wanted the same things.

Don't get me wrong. Online dating is a huge effort. It can be fun but you've got to be in the right headspace and dedicate a lot of time to your profile, chatting to guys, weeding out the genuine chap and of course dating too.

I'm not into American dating guru type sites that are all 'gamey' but this chap really helped me suss out what I wanted and how not to waste my time - cos let's be honest at 37 I didn't have time to waste!

www.evanmarckatz.com

There's loads of free advice on his site. Read all his blog posts.

BUT you've got to have the right attitude and be in it with a positive mindset or else you'll just keep on self sabotaging.

You seem to have a lot of worries but resistant to making changes. You can totally have what you want, or at least a damn good stab at it and a lot of fun in your life but you've got to really want it, not keep deflecting so you don't have to deal with the disappointment (and they do happen along the way).

Good luck. I do hope you'll take something from this thread that will kick start the changes you need.

A friend of mine got married and had two children after she turned 40.

No, not too late op. I was lucky and met Dh at 24, ds1 at 26, cervical cancer at 31, ds2 at 36, dd at 41. Def no more as we both now def too old! Only you know what's right for you. Good luck

My mother had twins at 46 and my younger brother at 48 and it was over sixty years ago so no artificial intervention.

You are not too old at all! Some people start families in their forties, best wishes finding your partner and and I hope all goes well.

Nope. But you need to make a list of the qualities of the perfect partner and put it somewhere you can see it. Sort of manifest the right person - it worked for me. Sadly I can't have kids but I met someone with kids already and I couldn't live them more. Friends though have had kids at 44 and 47!