To ask if I have left it all too late?

[youcan]

Aged 37, for marriage and children?

Be honest!

No! I met DP aged 37, had dd aged 38

Thanks.

I know what those who are hesitant are saying. Unfortunately I am not in a position to have a child alone.

Tough situation, you have my sympathy. Are you actively seeking a partner or just hoping that you will meet someone? As you get older it does seem to be more difficult to meet randomly ( though of course it happens).

Get yourself in a position where you will meet lots of people and consider online dating with something like The Guardian. Be upfront that you are looking for a serious relationship. It definitely can work.

I do also know someone who has two DC via AI and is blissfully happy. She still has decades to meet the right man but she had very little time to have DC. She was lucky with family support, though. Not everyone can do this.

Thanks, Matilda

You're so right about meeting people randomly! But I really hate OD too!

Not at all but perhaps concentrate on what is best for you but I can totally understand your desire for a family. You might end up a very happy and fulfilled step-mum/ you could adopt/ you could end up having your own children naturally... etc etc - the possibilities are endless and it is never to late for happiness. As others have suggested, dating websites? Do your friends know you are keen to meet someone? How about your family? (my mother helped to set me up with my now husband when I was 44!). Good luck but please put yourself first and don't settle for some idiot just because you feel you're running out of time.

NO, three of my good friends all had babies in their 40s. Interestingly, however, none are married. One was with her long term partner for years before having a 1st baby age 41 and marriage is just not in their game plan. The other got pregnant by a relatively new partner aged 40-41 and while things are working out well for them three years down the line they are not (yet) married. The other was engaged to a dickhead and is now single and happy.

I guess my point is you can have a baby with Mr Right or Mr Right At The Time, but he won't necessarily be Mr Right Forever so i wouldn't waste a year on an engagement, another on being married without kids for the sake of it etc
I'd also think about making sure you are financially sound and independent as you can be with or without marriage if you have kids.

It's not too late but you need to be proactive. OLD is hit and miss but at least you'd be doing something. Ask friends if they have anyone they can recommend you to. Look out for lock speed dating etc.

of course being in a committed relationship and then having a child is the ideal but it doesn't always happen and are you willing to wait for that at a cost of potentially missing out on having a child?
And marriage doesn't guarantee a family unit many men still walk out on there kids.
I was married then had my dd and still got left so I did it on my own anyway.
Men will come and go but your child will be in your life forever and many women build a family unit with men who are not the child's biological dad but love them like their own anyway.

ps: have my sympathies with OD too!

Definitely not. I met DH at 35, engaged on my 36th birthday in Dec 2001 & married the following May. Sadly we weren't able to have children naturally ( I had 2 miscarriages plus our fertility treatment was unsuccessful) but we adopted our amazing DD at 8 months in 2009.

no.
I am 36, just had PFB with partner of 3 years.
Trust it will happen.
xx

It's unlikely I'd meet anyone if I had a child. I wouldn't have anyone to look after my child. Plus I can't really afford to have a child solo.

And thank you!

No. I had my first at 38 and last at 41. Don't listen to those who waffle about older ladies in pregnancy as mine were fine.

I mean this really kindly... you can be a family - you and a child. I'm one with my DD. I too would have loved the husband, me, two kids kind of set up, but it just didn't happen for me. And for some friends I have that do have is, it doesn't mean that these are happy families either! You make the family from what you have.

No, of course not!

And to those that say "it will happen", please don't. For some of us it doesn't!

My oldest friend has just met and got engaged within 9 months, she was 38 when she met him and is 39 now. She was pretty determined to keep trying to meet someone and had her fair share of rubbish dates but she definitely created opportunities for herself to meet someone even when it felt like hard work to do it.

I understand you can't afford it op but and I will probably get flamed for this there are benifits you can claim if you are a single parent.
Again not the ideal but I would do it if I was in your situation.

Totally agree Esme not everyone gets there happy ever after I hate that saying as well! Normally said by well meaning people in relationships!

I hear that Esme but it isn't right for me at this time.

Would a family where you are a step parent be enough, or would you only be happy to have a biological child?

Its never too late to meet a new partner, but theres no guarantee the person you meet will want children, or they may have already had as many children as they want/can afford. It wont make for a very relaxing or happy relationship if from early on youre applying pressure to have a child, as youre clearly wanting it sooner rather than later. You may also not be able to afford it, even with joint finances. It may not work out that you are capable of having a child together for medical or fertility reasons.

Considering you dont even have a perspective partner, it may be asking too much to want to find someone, get to a point of the relationship being serious enough to comit to a baby, actually conceive and have a successful pregnancy . It could happen, but you might need to start considering that it might not happen for you.

My friend's son met his wife on EHarmony. They really were a great match and got married and had a baby in a couple of years. They said they knew they were right for each other the minute they met.

Good luck, I hope you meet someone nice.

No. Not step parent. Thanks.

My gran was 46 when she had my mother. On the other hand my colleague went through early menopause at the age of 25. There is a high probability that you are still fertile at 37 but you don't know until you try it. You might want to start looking around for a partner at this age if this is what you want.

I met DH at 34 and we started TTC three months in. (Married only this year though). Turns out that I need fertility treatments and 4 years later still no child. So things can happen quickly but they don't have to. Just don't waste your time.