Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think the police are a bit of a let down? (Lots of swearing inside)

155 replies

DuckAndPancakes · 11/08/2017 09:48

Yesterday afternoon, I went to go to the supermarket with my friend and two children (1 & 7). As I went to pull into the supermarket, a car came around the round about, not indicating. I braked and in frustration, threw my hands up.

The car in front stopped dead in front of me as I pulled in to the car park and the passenger, a middle aged woman, came up to my window and started shouting and screaming at me.
I said that I was frustrated as they hadn't used their indicator on the roundabout and that it's possibly going to cause an accident for someone.
She told me I was "a fucking joke" "ducking disgusting" "who did I think I was". At this point, I interrupted her and said that there was absolutely no reason to be shouting and swearing at me, especially in front of my young children. She then said "I don't give a fuck about your fucking children, you fat fucking cunt". Then walked off and got back in her car and drove off.

Relatively shaken and upset, I went and parked my car and got my children out. I had my 1 year old son in my arms. As we walked into the shop, my friend pointed out that the car was parked (on the double yellow lines right outside) and to get the registration. I'd left my glasses in the car so couldn't see without getting much closer, so took a photo of the car that I'd be able to zoom in on.

Was genuinely scared of going into the store knowing they were probably in there. Ran in and hurried everyone along to be able to get out asap. Went to the self checkouts and was scanning items, where this woman ran up to me, taking pictures of me and my children and telling me to smile for the camera. Shouted at me that I was pathetic and I was disgusting etc. She then came around into the self service area and was extremely up close, continuously berating me. I remained calm the whole time, didn't shout etc. She continued to go off at me right til I was walking out of the shop when she then told ME to leave her alone and I responded with "I haven't done anything, you sad old woman."

Hurried back to my car with my children and burst into tears and phoned the police to report it.

And they're going to do absolutely nothing. They won't contact the owner of the car (who was obviously her partner/husband) because "he will just deny knowledge of who she is or how to contact her". Despite the fact there's CCTV from her getting out of the car and coming and shouting at me, despite the fact there's cctv of her taking pictures of me and my children and berating me in self checkout. Despite having my friend as a witness as well as staff from the supermarket.

I just feel so .... let down. It's not even like I was going to go after a prosecution, but knowing that this woman has completely got away with this without even having a talking to from the police.

My 7 year old is completely shook up as she was scared of what this woman could or would do (though bless her, kept telling me I wasn't fat I was just cuddly).

I wish I hadn't bothered to stay calm.
My poor friend feels awful because she didn't want to start saying things to her and make it look like we were ganging up on her.

I'm just so frustrated that the police aren't even going To try. All I've been told is that the number plate is logged with the crime and that if it flags again then it will "paint a bigger picture" but at this time it's not know to them (6 month old Mercedes).

I feel completely and utterly downtrodden and down today.

OP posts:
Kursk · 11/08/2017 14:21

LadyWithLapdog

Fair enough, our views differ and that's ok.

Yes I feel safer because I am not powerless against any criminal. I feel that I am responsible for my own safety and that of my family, I am fine with that.

In the northern part of my state the towns up there cannot afford a police department so it's effectively lawless, and you have no choice but to accept responsibility for your own protection. The reality of that is that part of the state is crime free, relaxed and friendly with a wonderful community feeling.

alltouchedout · 11/08/2017 14:21

It's not police bashing to be dissatisfied with their response to something, ffs.

purits · 11/08/2017 14:22

It is staff and budget cuts to blame.

Rubbish. It's always been like this. The standard response to a burglary? - do you want a crime number for your insurance claim.

Nicknacky · 11/08/2017 14:24

alltouched But I think people have to be realistic with their expectations sometimes. The op wants them to find this woman and speak to her and the police have said "no sorry we can't do that". It is a minor incident without taking away from the distress that the op felt.

Nicknacky · 11/08/2017 14:26

purits Our area attends almost all housebreakings, although will not always initially attend huts, garages where damage or stolen property is low in value but they will be passed a crime reference number and will be allocated to an officer for enquiry.

purits · 11/08/2017 14:26

The command and control centre holds address, names of reporters, phone numbers etc and various other systems hold different intelligence but there is no system that will flag this up if she does it again.

So you keep records on the victim but not the perpetrator. How back to front is that.

Nicknacky · 11/08/2017 14:29

purits I think you are deliberately trying to twist my words.

In this case we don't have the perpetrators name so no system will "flag" it up.

Of course one of the system records an accused persons details.

Off the top of my head I have access to at least 8 different systems which have information recorded in different formats.

Nicknacky · 11/08/2017 14:30

In fact I said one system records accused details, that's incorrect as most of them have the perpetrators details recorded in some way.

Nancy91 · 11/08/2017 14:32

Purits you know it isn't the officers responding to these calls that make the budgeting decisions, right?

The police can't come out to tell people off after they have arguments, that would be ridiculous.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 11/08/2017 14:41

NickNacky that's not always the case though. I'm not going into specifics but I was being told they'd struggle to get it through cps whilst simultaneously giving me a crime number for assault and logging it as such. Not an incident number. A crime number.

I'm sure I'm down somewhere as 'not wanting to take things further' too.

Nicknacky · 11/08/2017 14:44

away Apologies im in Scotland so our crime recoding system is different. An incident number and crime reference number are created on the reporting of an offence to the police here. We create that regardless of a report going to crown office.

Huskylover1 · 11/08/2017 14:48

Purits - have you ever been a Police Officer? If not, please do fuck off, as you have NO clue whatsoever, about what cops are up against.

Huskylover1 · 11/08/2017 14:51

purits ..... this is especially for you:

theEagleIsLost · 11/08/2017 14:53

Would you feel safer with a dash cam?

Not had much dealing – burglaries, thefts and road traffic accidents. All left to insurance companies which was fine I gusses.

Road traffic one was bad – mainly as they said it was entirely other drivers fault but as it was a bad junction that was it they weren’t interested.

Did get a standard very nasty toned letter from police about abandoned vehicle and a fine and costs for removing – insurance company dealt with it – but DH had been blue lighted to hospital and at time was waiting another lot of surgery it didn’t feel great to receive.

ivenoideawhatimdoing · 11/08/2017 14:56

OP, the police are not awful. The police officer you dealt with is an utter tit wank.

My DH is a police officer and I have just retold him this story and from the mouth of an actual police officer 'she needs to escalate this'

It's harrassment and assault and they're trying to palm you off. Keep pestering and say you want it referred to another officer. Preferably call at a completely different time of day so you hopefully get another team or better yet, report the actual officer.

Because how you have been treated is appalling.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 11/08/2017 14:59

No apology needed NickNacky Brew and Cake just because it's Friday. Grin

Nicknacky · 11/08/2017 15:00

ive The police have not refused to deal with the op's complaint, they have just refused to deal with it in the way she wants them too.

And it's not harassment, that undermines real harassment cases. It's not assault in Scotland either but I won't claim to speak for English law.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 11/08/2017 15:02

Ivenoidea how do you escalate it though? When I looked into IPCC it said only for serious cases. I'm not sure if DDs fell under the criteria they listed. Is there a middle ground to complain to?

purits · 11/08/2017 15:05

Purits - have you ever been a Police Officer? If not, please do fuck off, as you have NO clue whatsoever, about what cops are up against.

Nice. Do you work in victim support?

stillvicarinatutu · 11/08/2017 15:09

its a public order offence. and it is an offence but when you dial 101 or 999 you get through to a call centre who prioritise the crime. a lot of low level crime is being sidelined due to the huge increase in demand / crime recording and no officers to investigate the lower level stuff (i know its no consolation to call if low level when you are the victim) but its the truth. policing is massively understaffed right now and there just is not the scope to investigate everything. where i work there should be 10 staff and supervisory however ive never know it operate at full capacity and often runs with less than half the numbers there should be. its shit for both the public and the officers trying to operate at this level.

Huskylover1 · 11/08/2017 15:12

Victim Support

I'll be back when I've stopped laughing......

DuckAndPancakes · 11/08/2017 15:17

Nicknacky - I got given a crime reference number and was told that the vehicle registration was logged with the incident and would continue to be but that there was nothing else associated with it.

OP posts:
DuckAndPancakes · 11/08/2017 15:21

I did say to my mum earlier, I wish I'd had a dash cam. It would have recorded her getting out of the car and would have recorded all of the verbal abuse as well as my reactions to it.

In other times, I would have got my phone out and started recording what she was saying or doing. But, as I was driving/car was running etc, I didn't want to risk myself getting 6 points and a fine for using my phone whilst driving.

OP posts:
Lostwithinthehills · 11/08/2017 15:23

as a minimum the car should traced and the owner made aware there is CCTV evidence etc to give the woman a good shake up

The police don't go round to the homes of women to give them a good 'shake up' on the basis of an unsubstantiated allegation. If the police had enough resources they might look for her and if found invite her to respond to the allegation that she had shouted and sworn at the op. The woman would almost certainly counter claim that the op had sworn and shouted at her. What are the police supposed to do then?

It's not even like I was going to go after a prosecution
Why would the police investigate such an allegation when the 'victim' (quotation marks used because some people are offended by the term)has no interest in supporting a prosecution?

having a talking to from the police
The police don't go round giving adults a 'talking to' after a heated supermarket argument. Can you imagine the resources the police would need if they did?

One incident at a supermarket does not constitute harassment, harassment is an ongoing pattern of behaviour.

DuckAndPancakes · 11/08/2017 15:25

Wait

...
When I reported this and they took my name and date of birth etc, would that have brought up previous interactions with the police that I'd had? I've never been in trouble with the police myself btw!

I'm probably just being paranoid but wondering if my Previous issue with the police would be there and the fact that I didn't pursue prosecution because of the polices attitude at the time?
Though not sure if that info would make me feel better or worse =\

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread