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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

ExH kissing DD15 on the lips

271 replies

noodella · 10/08/2017 21:19

I know there's been a lot in the press recently about "celebs" kissing their young children on the lips, but what about older teenagers?
ExH turned up to pick up DD15 yesterday and kissed her on the lips as they walked to the car. The more I think about it, the more uncomfortable I am with it. I love my Dad with all my heart, but kissing him on the lips would just seem wrong.
AIBU to think it's weird or is it quite normal?

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 10/08/2017 22:40

I think it is weird. I would have been very uncomfortable as a 15 year old doing this.

OP what does your dd think? I've not read all the posts so may have missed this and you may have said.

Thanks
Mummaofboys · 10/08/2017 22:41

I think it depends on your background and what country you are from, I'm more than double your daughters age and I still kiss my Dad on the lips so does my brother and my husband kisses his family too. I don't think it's strange or weird it's just how we are and have been brought up. I'll be heartbroken if my boys won't kiss me when they are older.

Italiangreyhound · 10/08/2017 22:42

Daisy 2 is not 15. Will he still expect a kiss on the lips at 15? I doubt it.

Italiangreyhound · 10/08/2017 22:44

Mummaofboys and Daisy maybe it is different in different cultures.

I don't know what country the OP, or you, are from. I am British and maybe this is a British thing!

AnathemaPulsifer · 10/08/2017 22:51

My dad started that after my parents split up when I was a young adult. I concluded he was copying from a girlfriend of his who he thought had a better relationship with her kids. I still have to dodge him sometimes but there's not anything creepy about it, I just don't like it.

I kissed my kids on the lips when they were little and switched to cheek as they got into double digits.

hiphopcat · 10/08/2017 22:52

What sort of kiss though OP?

Pic No 1?

Or Pic No 2?

If No 1 then YABU!

If No 2, then you have every right to be freaked out.

( It's No 1 though isn't it? Be honest....... )

DaisysStew · 10/08/2017 22:56

He might, and there's nothing wrong with that, and if he does just start going for the cheek instead that's fine too. I used to kiss my nana on her lips when we said bye, even as an adult, so I don't see it as strange.

QOD · 10/08/2017 22:58

My parents (divorced for 40 yrs) both kiss me on the lips, I try to turn my cheek 😂but only as a joke

I have a friend who goes for lips and I don't like that at all and try to dodge that by licking her

ShoesieQ · 10/08/2017 23:00

Must admit I had no idea that kissing family members on the lips was odd until my wedding day, when a gf asked why I kissed my new FiL on the lips as I walked back down the aisle. I asked her if it would make it better or worse if I told her I also kissed my MiL like that?!

It seems they are equally freaky Confused

Can only concur with the numerous other pps who reckon if your daughter's cool with it, you should be too. So from the sounds of it YABU to make so much of this, unless there's a bit of a backstory.

SamineShaw · 10/08/2017 23:59

My 15 yo DD kisses DH on the lips, it's not weird. As long as both parties are comfortable with it (and there's not some creepy backstory) I think it's fine

onceandneveragain · 11/08/2017 00:16

I know this comes up every so often on MN and gets quite divided - all I can say is that, as much as I understand anecdotes are not data, I have never done this, and have never seen any family, friends (from school, university, other, so spanning a wide geographical area and social backgrounds), work colleagues, or other acquaintances, kiss their parents or anyone other than very young children/their romantic partners on the lips.

I've never even noticed strangers doing it outside, e.g. in shopping centres, at airports, train stations, what have you.

I have no recollection of ever seeing parents kissing children (or two friends, or DIL/SIL and PIL, or employees and bosses) in that way, even on TV or film.

If I did see two people who were obviously not romantically linked kissing on the lips I would therefore consider it highly unusual.

Therefore unless I happen to live in some strange self-selective non demonstrative bubble I can only conclude that it's one of those things that a lot of MN do but the majority of the population at large don't. Not that it makes it wrong or dodgy in any way, of course, but I would suggest that the majority of 15 y/o don't kiss their fathers on the lips - otherwise surely it would be a fairly common sight in real life/media to the extent it wouldn't even be worth noting.

LadyLoveYourWhat · 11/08/2017 00:28

onceandneveragain Confirmation bias?

DandySeaLioness · 11/08/2017 00:38

YABU Hmm

IloveBanff · 11/08/2017 00:41

Is this a new thing, OP? I'm a bit puzzled because lip-kissing is completely normal for some families (as is clear from this thread and the numerous ones like it that have been on MN before), but is it not normal for your own, so you have never seen your ExH do this before? I'm assuming he is your daughter's father. Are you saying he has only just started doing this?

kissmethere · 11/08/2017 00:42

Yanbu, although I do kiss my dad kind of half I the lips and we hug. We do have a lot of affection for each other. He's always been lovely and cuddly all my life.
I have many relatives who are the same and there's particularly who is creepy with it, it's not affectionate he's very leery so there's a difference.

kissmethere · 11/08/2017 00:44

I mean one relative and he's my uncle by marriage and I steer clear of him

iamapixiebutnotaniceone · 11/08/2017 00:48

Weird for me as far as my parents are concerned but then a hug even seems weird for me and my family.
Both I and my children's dad would be devastated if our daughters were uncomfortable with that sort of affection. I hope they can always be comfortable with us!

Pallisers · 11/08/2017 01:03

it must be a cultural thing.

The only people I kiss on the lips are people I will have sex with. End of story.

nikiforov · 11/08/2017 01:05

Does he force it on her? If so, yes. If not, YABVVVVU.

Notcontent · 11/08/2017 01:07

It's perfectly normal in my family! Dd who is 11 gives me big sloppy kisses and would be very offended if I asked her to stop!

Hotheadwheresthecoldbath · 11/08/2017 01:13

Kiss my14yr old dd on the lips and my mum.Everyone else on the cheeks.Hugs all round though.

Mummyoflittledragon · 11/08/2017 01:40

Dh and I kiss dd in the lips. She's 9. She's outspoken enough to tell us if she doesn't like it anymore. Nothing weird about it. I never had much affection growing up and I'm making darn sure it's better for dd. Unless your dd had a problem with it, you will have to get over your aversion.

OkPedro · 11/08/2017 01:42

I've kissed many people on the lips and never had sex with them 😂
For me kissing on the lips doesn't lead to sex

SpareASquare · 11/08/2017 01:42

We are lip kissers. I kiss my parents and children on the lips. My children kiss their grandparents and me on the lips. I don't judge those who don't but the insinuations on this thread do make me sad for some posters.

My 22 yr old doesn't kiss anyone on the lips and that's fine too.

RhodaBorrocks · 11/08/2017 01:52

I kissed my Dad on the lips tonight as he shared the last bit of his favourite chocolate with me. I'm 35 abd DF is 66. I kiss DM on the lips too. Just a peck, we're not snogging each other!

DS doesn't kiss anyone as he has ASD. We press our cheeks against each other instead which he is comfortable with. He will sometimes kiss us on the cheek which is very special for us.

We do what we are comfortable with. It's not weird if people consent.