To hate the manager that rejected me at interview

[Ridiculousproblem1]

I cannot believe I'm being so silly.

I went for my first professional interview and one of the interviewers was all over the internal candidate and it was clear he was getting a position (there were several).

The same woman was fine in the beginning with me but as soon as I got nervous she stopped all eye contact, ignored me and ruled me out within seconds. She laughed at my answers and asked questions like 'I suppose you've never done xxx).

I was the strongest candidate but I got nervous and was ruled out and not helped at all.
I wanted that job more than anyone.

I was devastated when I didn't get it and so hurt they didn't offer me even an agency position or temporary. I wasn't even given a chance.

I then spent a year trying to find work. It was the worst year of my life and one that will stay with me forever.

I re applied again when the position came up but the woman rejected my application later telling others it was because I did badly at interview. The position came up again and this time I was interviewed by people who were professional and approachable. I nailed it and got the position.

The other woman is still unapproachable but doesn't seem that bad.

I have no idea why I feel like this as I've never held a grudge but I hate her. I hate that she didn't give me a chance and ruled me out.

I've been rejected before, it wasn't that. It was the fact she was rude, standoffish and made fun of me in the interview. When I see her I have awful flashbacks of the interview and I can feel my heart beat faster.

I now have the job, so justice has been served but I can't even enjoy the job as I'm so angry. The way I am you would think she'd murdered my Mum!

It's almost like a fixation now and I know it's pathetic.

I have a 35k a year job, a beautiful son, wonderful friends etc but I'm not happy.
I want her to apologise but obviously she won't.

I don't bad mouth her as I'm professional like hay but I secretly hope she is made redundant!

AIBU to hate her? Or is this normal?

Just to add I've never hated anyone before. I've been rejected before and never felt like this. I've forgiven people for much worse.

You sound bat sh*t crazy to me...

I was devastated when I didn't get it and so hurt they didn't offer me even an agency position or temporary. I wasn't even given a chance

You were given a chance though, the interview is your 'chance'. You admit you interviewed badly so it seems strange and entitled you expected them to give you a position (even a temporary one).

I was the strongest candidate
I wanted that job more than anyone

I now have the job, so justice has been served

You come across as very entitled and arrogant, sorry. This may not be the case in real life but if you came accross similar in interview, the woman may have taken a dislike to you for that reason. It obviously doesn't excuse her bahaviour but your attitude is really not good.

What are you trying to find out by pressurising candidates? Whether they can handle bulling?

Nope, whether they can handle pressure. Bit of a no brainer, isn't it?

Challenging interviews are not bullying ffs. Personally my interview style is a friendly one, but I usually work with a colleague who applies more pressure. We need to know whether candidates will stand up to difficult negotiation and how they would handle confrontation. If they can't manage in the controlled environment if an interview they're not going to be able to do the job.

I do sympathise, I had a similar situation with someone from years back who humiliated me at a tribunal, never gave me a chance. It ate away at me for years. It's so destructive – the only person who gets hurt by this is you.

I'd recommend some counselling. Talk to a professional who can let you lay this to rest. Although it might be nice to plan some delicious retribution, (I know I did for a while) it's just keeping the hurt alive. You probably need to go through a process of forgiving her and that's not always easy, but is the only way you'll end up feeling free of this.

Ignore the posters who don't understand the awful feelings that this kind of humiliation can bring about, it's just not helpful.

Hope you can get through this and look back and laugh. It took me a while but it's worth it.

"The women was very unprofessional in the interview, you don't say things like 'I suppose you've never done...', "

It really isn't unprofessional unless you know the entire conversation. OP said it was her first professional interview. I'm assuming for her first professional job (at least one she was attempting to get on her own merit in an interview).

If she had no experience and was applying for a position that did require specific experience, then " i suppose you have no experience in..." is an invitation for the OP to sell herself... she could have talked about relevant skills she had from x y z and explain how those would transfer / be relevant.

Chevy, if pressure is an important part of your job, it needs to be in the job description and the candidates need to be aware of it. Otherwise, you are wasting time and money interviewing people who are most likely not suitable. Piling pressure on in an interview as a surprise tactic is inefficient and unethical.

Wow. I think you need professional help to deal with this, honestly.
You sound across as so full of yourself it's very easy to slight you, all you need is the impression that someone personally doesn't like you.
If this is a serious thread and not trolling, I wouldn't like to be your colleague.

Trollspoopglitter, "I suppose you have no experience in..." is a very condescending way of phrasing a question. If you already supposed that a candidate does not have some important experience, why are you interviewing them?

In my experience all interviewees have to be asked the same questions for it to be seen as completely fair, so questions should be phrased 'Can you tell us about your experience in...'

Honestly, you sound a bit of a nightmare to work with and unbelievably entitled. You stuffed up an interview. You were not bullied, and you perceived yourself to be humiliated.

The way you refer to 'justice being served' and 'wanting the job more than anyone else' is beyond self-centered. Jobs aren't given on how much you want it. You aren't a mind reader. Nor can you know what happened in any other interview. You messed up the interview. Take some personal responsibility!

You need professional help for your anger, and a long look in the mirror about why you are so entitled and refuse to accept personal responsibility.

There's a HUGE difference between being interviewed in a professional manner and not getting a job, and being interviewed in a rude, unapproachable manner that leaves you feeling nervous and reduces your ability to do the job...and then not getting the job.

It's not not gettting the job. But the way you were treated that causes the upset.

It's a form of bullying and it's never wrong to be upset by bullying. A lot of minimising going on.

Fidget, I agree, there is an astonishing amount of minimizing and name-calling on this thread. It is no wonder that bulling is rife in British workplaces - people seem to perceive it as totally normal behaviour.

I think the devil is in the detail as they say.
I was rejected for a job I was asked to apply for, fair enough, but then the manager rang me with the words "I've been told to offer you this..(which was a lower position). Now I was happy to take the lower position, but how it was offered always made me feel I wasn't really wanted. Couldn't shake that feeling for years!
its the way something is done often that causes upset.

Get professional revenge, play your cards right and bide your time. Weaken her position and ultimately remove her from post. There, I said it

FFS this is not the way a normal adult conducts themselves. OP you need to get over this, it's ridiculous.

Get professional revenge, play your cards right and bide your time. Weaken her position and ultimately remove her from post. There, I said it

This is terrible advice. Please, if you value your professionalism and maturity do not do this.

You are tenacious. You pegged away and eventually got the job you wanted. It just didn't happen first time around.

Focus on that, not on this other woman. It sounds as though you don't actually have to have that much contact with her on a daily basis if you don't want to.

I suspect that she gives you far less headspace than you give her.

Concentrate on doing your job well. That is what is important now, and that is what will stand you in far better stead than being so invested in what this person may or may not think of you. That way lies madness and self-destruction.

Oh ok. So this woman was bullying her in front of a panel of coworkers and a year later, the coworkers decided to hire the OP. And the OP kept applying for the position despite she would be reporting to this vile woman who dared to ask her an interview question in a way that offended the OP. Are you people are working in the public sector where this sort of lunacy might actually happen? Because what the actual fuck.

Trollspoopglitter
Oh ok. So this woman was bullying her in front of a panel of coworkers

alledgidly

and a year later, the coworkers decided to hire the OP.

Was it exactly the same coworkers? the OP has never said.

And the OP kept applying for the position

Very tenacious,

despite she would be reporting to this vile woman

You don't know this woman, or how she is at work.

who dared to ask her an interview question in a way that offended the OP.

Context is the key

Are you people are working in the public sector where this sort of lunacy might actually happen?

the private sector is full of this sort of stuff, it would be wrong to pretend otherwise

Life is too short to bear grudges OP and rather than waste time thinking about the woman you perceive as being rude to you, you should be proud of the fact that when you didn't get the job the first and second time round you didn't give up.
What went on at that interview should be all water under the bridge now - you've got the job you wanted, and to me it seems such a shame that you can't enjoy it. Do you think you would have felt any differently about her, had you got the job when you first applied!
The remedy to your problem is in your own hands - you either just forgive and forget and waste no more time wishing ill on her, find an opportunity to tell her how you feel in a non-confrontational way in the hope that this will make you feel better, or remove yourself from her presence totally by finding another job elsewhere. There is no rule that says you have to like everyone you work with, but what you are feeling is not natural after so much time.

trolls i dont understand what you are saying?

Op interviewed 3 times. Just because she got it the final time means nothing. There is every chance she just interviewed better. Or was the better candiate that time.

I think you need to find a way to draw a line under this.

If you turn it around, you could imagine her feeling humiliated. She has shown poor judgement; her preferred candidate did not stay. Her colleague chose you (the candidate she rejected) so she may feel undermined. In your position I would feel smug to be there when she clearly did not want you to be.

Just be the best you can, she is not important.

I don't think the interviewing manager has done anything wrong. By your own admission you interviewed badly.
If I'm recruiting for a post and a previous applicant applied then I automatically reject them unless they have gained a lot more experience or qualifications in the intervening time. I don't have time to waste on interviewing people who I already know don't meet the requirements. I wouldn't want to waste the applicants time either.
Enjoy your job I doubt the other manager is even thinking about you so don't waste your time obsessing about her.

I can understand being a bit bummed about it but you have this all out of proportion. We've all been screwed over before in a professional sense but you are way OTT. I think you need to seriously get over this and get some perspective on your life.