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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if there is any couple out there who doesn't have this argument or a variation on it?

176 replies

moutonfou · 08/08/2017 19:29

He can't bear my 'nagging'. I ask how else I'm meant to communicate that I'd like him to do basic things like put empty packaging in the bin and rinse down the bath tub if it's full of hair.

Does anyone ever win? Does it ever end?

OP posts:
Writerwannabe83 · 08/08/2017 19:30

Me and DH have the same arguement at least once a week.

RJnomore1 · 08/08/2017 19:31

No we don't.

My husband is an adult with a grasp of basic decency and able to look after himself.

I don't know the solution to being married to a man child who wants mummy to tidy up after him and let him play in peace except for getting shot TBH.

What does he do to bring joy to your life?

TheMasterNotMargarita · 08/08/2017 19:32

The response you need is "It wouldn't sound like nagging if you did it the first time I asked you fucking nicely".

YouTheCat · 08/08/2017 19:32

Never had that argument.

I ask dp to do something or help with something and he does it, or lets me know when he'll be free to help. I don't, usually have to ask him to do things because he's a grown up and does them without being prompted.

It must be very wearing to have to continually ask an adult to do things.

luckylucky24 · 08/08/2017 19:32

We don't.

Pengggwn · 08/08/2017 19:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BuzzKillington · 08/08/2017 19:32

No. I have it with my teenagers though.

The husband came to me fully formed.

pigeondujour · 08/08/2017 19:33

Don't think we ever have.

GreenTulips · 08/08/2017 19:33

When's dinner?
Oh I forgot
Is my shirt ironed?
Oh I forgot
Where the remote
Oh can you stop nagging?

nocake · 08/08/2017 19:33

No, we don't have that argument. If one of us wants the other to do something we ask and it gets done. If one of us wants more regular help with something we talk about the best way to organise it. And we don't get pissed off if something gets forgotten because what's the point? It doesn't make it less likely that it will get forgotten again.

SquedgieBeckenheim · 08/08/2017 19:34

Nope, but then my DH was well trained by the RAF to clean up after himself.

blondielocks29 · 08/08/2017 19:34

WOW RJ judgemental much????

OP my OH is similar but I genuinely think half of the time he can't see the mess/beard hairs in the sink/overflowing bin Hmm

Ecureuil · 08/08/2017 19:34

No, doesn't happen here either. We have a division of jobs and both just get on with them.

geekone · 08/08/2017 19:36

No we don't but that is because he is the one with OCD and so I get "nagged" at!

AnUtterIdiot · 08/08/2017 19:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MeanAger · 08/08/2017 19:38

I ask how else I'm meant to communicate that I'd like him to do basic things like put empty packaging in the bin and rinse down the bath tub if it's full of hair.

How does he ask you to do those things?

MyMiddleNameIsLaura · 08/08/2017 19:38

This rang true to me - hope the link works ok!
bit.ly/2sjQytI

EscapingAdultLife · 08/08/2017 19:39

It wouldn't sound like nagging if you used your initiative, stopped being a lazy feckwit and tidied / cleaned up after yourself!

He is your DH / Partner, you shouldn't have to ask him to clean up after himself.

drinkingtea · 08/08/2017 19:40

We don't.

I'm not houseproud and he's German naturally tidy, though too lazy to be annoying about housework or risk being told to do it himself if he says anything, he automatically puts rubbish in bins and clothes in laundry baskets and crockery in dishwashers. The only ones who need nagging are the kids, and they aren't bad except the younger ones' bedrooms in common areas.

NeverTwerkNaked · 08/08/2017 19:42

Nope. Can't think we have ever had this argument

PencilsInSpace · 08/08/2017 19:42

He calls it 'nagging' because he doesn't think any of the things you are asking him to do are important. He thinks rinsing his hairs off the bathtub and picking up after himself are beneath him. He thinks those are your jobs because you're beneath him and it's your job to pick up and clean after him. He doesn't respect you.

MudGolum · 08/08/2017 19:42

OP my OH is similar but I genuinely think half of the time he can't see the mess/beard hairs in the sink/overflowing bin

If your husband is registered blind I can see your point.

MaisyPops · 08/08/2017 19:43

Nope.

We both use our initiative and do things as they need doing. We've sort of settled into 'my jobs and his jobs'. Doesn't always work when we're busy. If we want the other one to do something, we ask and generally it gets done.

I don't get the idea that women should have to ask men to do basic home tasks in order for them to do anything.

histinyhandsarefrozen · 08/08/2017 19:43

Kind of..I think he is anal, he thinks it's basic.
We have a cleaner which helps. Grin

magimedi · 08/08/2017 19:43

No, been married for 32 years, jobs get done by whichever of us sees that they need doing.

I thank my (late) MIL regularly that she bought up 3 sons who knew how to do domestic stuff.