To ask if there is any couple out there who doesn't have this argument or a variation on it?

[moutonfou]

He can't bear my 'nagging'. I ask how else I'm meant to communicate that I'd like him to do basic things like put empty packaging in the bin and rinse down the bath tub if it's full of hair.

Does anyone ever win? Does it ever end?

Regular argument in our house but goes both ways. He won't put his clean washing away and it gets on my tits. I won't put away the various books I scatter around the house and it makes his teeth itch. If it was all one way traffic I'd be bothered but mutual needling/ slatternly behaviour, meh.

Think it comes down to mutual respect.

Neither of us are the most tidy of people, but we both accept that, so if something needs doing, one of us does it without the need for point scoring.

We do argue from time to time, but are able to reason things out and are adult enough to see when the other one is in the right and accept it.

Oh and never sulk, I could never live with someone who sulked, so immature !

I do ask and so does he: example I'd sorted most of the laundry out, he was sorting the kitchen, he'd cooked, I was then putting ds to bed and I ask 'can you just pull that washing out of the dryer?' Else he might have thought it was sorted. That style suits us fine.

Agree totally that the very word 'nagging' is only ever used towards women. It's the same as blokes on here saying things like 'don't burn me at the stake but [insert sexist opinion]' or idiots who insist their idiocy is 'banter.'
It's effectively saying 'I know my behaviour is shit but instead of working in it like a reasonable human I'm going to turn it round on you and make it your fault. Oh and you still have to do all the work.'

Anyone using the words nagging or banter at women is instantly pigeonholed into my 'well, you're. Twat aren't you?' Category.

Not generally no. We've lived together for seven years now but OH had his own place before we met and it was always tidy. He was house trained when I met him (thanks MIL!) .

The only thing he does do which drives me potty is he doesn't tidy as he goes along when he cooks dinner. I mostly cook as he gets home usually gone 7pm and I'm a SAHM, and when I cook I clear up as I go along, as I dish up I put pans in the dishwasher etc so by the time we're eating the dishwasher is already washing and kitchen is pretty tidy. Not always spotless but a five minute wipe round before bed and it's sorted. He doesn't do this, and just stacks it all on the oven - which then needs to be cleared up just when you've eaten and want to flop on the sofa and not move!

He does it sometimes, but I've quite often caught him looking as if he's going to wander up to bed without sorting it (leaving it for me to do the next morning!). A gentle shove back in the direction of the kitchen and a roll of the eyes normally sorts it though. Why he doesn't just do it as he goes along is beyond me!

Oh, and smelly sports stuff left in his kitbag. He stopped leaving it there when it stopped getting washed though! I didn't 'nag' I just left it there festering until he got the message. I don't mind doing he majority of the washing if it's in the basket ready. I do mind rummaging through his stinking bag to find it! Just no.

We don't. We have other random arguments though.

Nope, we don't have it in this house. If I ask him to empty the bin and it hasn't be done so he gets asked again, he accepts that he has been reminded and empties the bin.

No, but I married a woman so all housework type stuff really does get split equally.

SleepTheif84... I don't get that? You put the dishwasher on while you are eating, so where do you stack the dirty plates that you have just eaten off etc, while the dishwasher is doing its cycle and drying? Why not wait until you have eaten and then put those dirty plates in the dishwasher, then you don't have dirty plates hanging around ?

No we don't have this, although we are pretty good at petty bickering about other stuff. We're both fairly relaxed messy and busy lazy so we just keep on top of the basics and have a blitz if someone's coming round. DH does more practical stuff - washing up, bins, laundry - and I do more admin/finance. Cooking & childcare evenly split.

We used to have a fortnightly cleaner which was nice but haven't arranged a new one since we moved (6 months ago ).

Oh and DH comes from a "traditional" background with his mum at home and she still runs round after him when we visit but weirdly he is able to separate this from his adult relationship with me... go figure.

I have just had this exact rant this morning. Husband and kids, doing half a job and moaning about it.
I have ignored and ignored and yesterday snapped and started tidying and cleaning.
I decluttered the lounge, tidied up the utility (again) sorted office, hallway and hoovered throughout. Meanwhile the kids were with sorting the dishwasher.
The dishwasher was sortof done, half the stuff was in, turned on....but no plates scrapped so it clogged the drain and nothing cleaned. Kids are 13 and 11 and well aware of what to do, it was sheer laziness.
So I made them unload, wash by hand in the utility....this resulted in arguments took well over an hour and a smashed cat bowl...(I clear up cat bowl, broken ceramic and biscuits, get new bowl out and continue helping cook, washing up as I go.
Husband announces kids have lost electronics for the bowl breakage and not doing it right to begin with (they still have the electronics, apparently he told them but I was supposed to implement it)

Husband meanwhile is cooking, goes to put something in the bin and moans the kitchen bin is full and he can't put it in the outside bin because that is also full. I explain I had offered to go to the tip on Monday when we realised it was full (tip now not open until the weekend) but he actually tried banning me (usually I ignore him, but figured id show him what his 'ban' means)
So then explain he'll have to take care of the rubbish as a result!
Apparently, he didn't realise when I said I was going to take some bags to the tip that it was for an actual reason....
then this morning, I walk into my tidy kitchen, only to notice his tea mug left, the cat milk saucer left, his stool left half way across the room, picture moving it from breakfast bar to get up then just walking away without tucking it in....
2 mugs in the bedroom his side, 2 glasses in the lounge, the rum left out on the side....so I do all this, scoop up some washing to put in the washing machine and notice yet more fucking used glasses in the utility, a cat has puked down the side of the sink drainer and the sink is blocked with food from the kids who have once again NOT SCRAPPED THE FUCKING PLATES
Oh I also ordered the cat and dog flea stuff because despite identifying fleas on his cats at the weekend he's still not done anything about that either.
I work from home (run my own company) so apparently, it's easy for me to do it all....unlike him who goes to work, which he owns so he cant do it all because its very stressful running your own business and he works so very hard. FUCKING TWATTING WANKERS
Ignoring all the above...everything else about him is great but I totally get what you are saying OP
I say too much im nagging, I ignore nothing gets done....actually that's a lie, I was at dog training a few weeks ago, he came home house was a mess so hoovered and cooked, I could tell he was miffed because pots were being slammed about when I got home. Apparently, the house was a state and what was I doing....I point out I was training the dog (puppy) in a wet muddy field which is hardly fun....I feel no better getting that off my chest but I am going to hoover furiously soon

My husband won't argue this anymore because ofmy default answer "I wouldn't have to nag if you did it in the first place." he knows theres no hope after that

No we don't, because we're both adults who respect each other and our living space. In previous relationships any man-child behaviour like this resulted in them getting binned early on. Life is too short.

Simon50 - normally, the dishwasher is full by the time I've finished cooking (with the stuff used throughout the day and then cooking bits) so the two plates, plus knives and forks either get quickly washed up before bed or set on the side ready to go in the dishwasher first thing with the breakfast stuff. I usually empty it from the night before while DD is still in her highchair having her breakfast watching me intently and sometimes giving me a clap! 😂

He never says I'm nagging because he knows I have a point, but yes, similar situation and conversations!

Some people are tidier than others. My husband doesn't need to make the bed every day but I do for example. He doesn't care if my stepdaughter's room is tidy and I do. The suggestion that I would leave him because of it is amusing.

No we don't have this argument. My DP does his share and takes responsibility for doing this.

SleepThief84.. Understand now, I was only looking at it from my point of view, there's only the two of us, so the dishwasher only has to go on every other day.

See, a guy who is willing to put his hands up when he gets it wrong !

And I do think an adult should be capable of doing basic housework without being told.
Not talking about extras like plumping up cushions. DP does that, I don't.
But I would not be with someone who won't do basic things like empty bins when they need emptying, or empty dishwasher, without being told.

Conversations go the other way here.

DH will point out something that falls within my remit. Ill acknowledge it. But DH will then chase me, with added emphasis as to why this task it terribly important.

I usually tell him to stop repeating himself. It won't get done any quicker that way.

Make a list. Book a slot with your OH each week and hand him the list.

Do not speak!

We used to all the time, but as time moved on, kids arrived etc he has become mostly self sufficient and able to see when something needs done. Most of the time! Still needs a boot in the arse to cut the grass!

Helps that we both had our own houses when we met and had been living independently of servants/parents/cleaners for years.

Whereas we met at university (actually married between finals and graduation).

DH and I both didn't know what jobs existed in a household: we had lived "at home" (PIL are neat freaks; my DP have had a cleaner since I was probably 6 or 7) or boarding school or university. Neither of us had ever had to run a household before we were suddenly running one together. We didn't know that skirting boards get grubby, let alone how or how often to clean them. Things like washing up, laundry, grocery shopping were ok because we'd had some experience of those and it's very obvious when they need doing. But hoovering, bathroom cleaning, cupboard cleaning - neither of us had any idea how often we should be doing these or precisely how you do them.

The further problem with PIL's neat freakness is that DH really struggles to see the difference between "a bit lived in" and "complete mess" - for PIL if it isn't show home it's a hovel. A single magazine left on the sofa while you make lunch is as unacceptable as a month's laundry left to rot, crisp wrappers all over the floor, streaks in the toilet, etc. The result is that DH sort of doesn't see the point in cleaning from "quite untidy" to "nearly perfect" because as far as he understands it they're the same. Why would one spend time huffing and puffing about if it's the same when one finishes?

I wrote a list once of all the jobs that need doing around the house. I do probably 3/4 of them and he thought he wasn't doing too badly (I am pt and he works probably 3 times my hours). Then I pointed out that my jobs are daily/weekly and some of his are annual (eg car insurance) and moreover that some of mine are lengthy and complex.

For example, "laundry" actually involves "collect dirty clothes, sort them, put them in washing machine on appropriate cycle, take them out again, peg out or load tumble dryer, bring in or unload tumble dryer, fold and sort, repatriate" not to mention "keep an eye on who needs what on which day, make sure non-bio goes on the shopping list when it's running low" and "look out for holes/stains/sizing up".

I don't nag. I honestly can't be arsed. I'm at the stage now where I either just do it or just leave it. The best thing I can do is teach DC what jobs actually need doing, how and how often. I frequently employ the rejoinder "No, not FOR ME, but BECAUSE YOU LIVE IN THIS HOUSE".

DH's main solution to getting jobs done is to require or bribe the DC to do them. Now that's a source of contention!

With exH I used to.

With late-DH I never did as he just did stuff and I did other stuff. It was very noticeable as his cancer progressed and he couldn't do things and everything fell to me.