To be shocked that so many people get supported financially by parents in adulthood?

[LittleLucyLuce]

Nearly everyone that I know that has an extravagant lifestyle comes from a background where there is family money and gets supported financially by their parents as an adult.

One woman that I know, who is married with children, gets a monthly allowance from her father to buy clothes, hair extensions, get her nails done etc, and her father pays for 2 foreign holidays per year for them.

Another couple got their house bought for them by his parents, and her parents pay for their holidays, school fees for the kids, and anything that the kids need such as shoes, clothes, or toys.

These are just two of the examples of people that I know get money from parents. I don't come from a background of family money at all, but it seems that I'm in the minority.

I have supported myself since I was 18, as has my DP. But then we both come from poor families.

As others have said, I don't feel it's a problem having help or gifts from family as long as it's not an expectation.

There's no money on my side of the family but my mum still sends small (20-50) sums of money for my boys to have or do something they want and she would help me out in an emergency if she could, although it's unlikely I'd ask.

DH is the only remaining member of his family after his mum died at Christmas last year. She was a lovely, kind and generous person and although she wasn't cash rich, her death has meant we are now mortgage free with a small sum left over which will help us immensely.

Most people I know get some form of help from their parents, be it a holiday, a loan, childcare or help with household purchases. I don't see anything wrong with it as long as the recipient doesn't have entitlement about it.

You can't take it with you and I would rather help or treat my children than give it back to the tax man. I would also be unhappy if my children didn't feel they could ask for help if they were struggling, even if I had to say no I would want them to ask me first.

Me and DH were talking about this recently.

He's pretty much on the of the only people he knows whose parents don't have a holiday home. My parents don't either.

We get decent Christmas gifts and occasionally money for a pair of shoes for the kids but no regular installments, as it were. I do think I get more than DH, my parents gave me £5k for part of the deposit on our house, for example but that was a one off.

Both my parents and DH's are very fair in respect to all the brothers and sisters having equal stuff, so if my brother gets something, I get the same.

Should add that we live abroad, so no help with childcare etc.

That's our choice though, of course.

When my parents do visit, they pay for stuff, groceries for the week etc.

DH's parents are tighter, we pay for them.

If it wasn't for our parents helping us out, we would have been homeless and using food banks when DH was made redundant 3 years ago. We lost our house anyway, and are lucky enough to live somewhere where HA housing is available (or was to us, as a homeless family with 3 DCs still at home) but we would have been totally, utterly, fucked without help from our parents.
They made sure we kept the car on the road which is what enabled DH to get another job eventually and paid for school uniforms, and various trips, and even all those bloody heartbreaking "just a pound EACH" non-uniform days the schools keep on having. They saved our DCs from humiliation at school, and us from caving under the stress.
We were, and are fucking lucky they were there to help and are eternally thankful.

I pay for my 25 year old sons mobile hot spot and cell phone bill ( on my contract). He moved out last year, works a full time, not that bad paying job. He rents an apartment 45 minutes drive up the highway from us. He cant afford cable etc. Im scared hes isolated ( he does have some mental health issues). He pays everything else, including his student loans and thats whats making it so tough for him. The loans cost 3/4 of his rent per month. In this day and age its almost impossible to do it totally alone, well at least here it is. We dont have house/flat shares here so much and he moved that far away so ho could actually afford the rent on a tiny 1 bedroom apartment in a seedy not so nice area
Its a small price to pay in my opinion. Otherwise he would still be living in my basement and feeling like a failure for not moving out before 24.

The only financial help DP and I ever received from our respective parents were wedding gifts of £1000 and £5000 which we were very grateful for. One set of parents are well off and the other averagely so. This thread is an eye opener- I had no idea!
We have had our difficulties from time to time but have never asked for help nor was it offered (though I'm sure they would have if we had approached them). Perhaps it was significant that they all came from poor backgrounds.

I'd be interested to know how common this really is nationwide.
Our DC are all in or approaching the expensive uni years and I must admit the occasional extra bit would be wonderful- you are all so lucky!

I dread to think where I'd be without my dad helping me into adulthood. I went through many years of illness and without him would have been totally at the mercy of the benefits system. As it is, he gifted what must be thousands over the years.

He is wealthy and could afford it but I'm very aware I'm lucky. The benefit, I guess, to him is that we have a very close relationship, that I was able to receive help that got me on the road to recovery and make lifestyle choices that kept me there, plus retraining/volunteering that got me back into work.

I'm one of a small minority of people I know who have been sectioned more than once and now are in long term remission, with a full time job and family. I absolutely credit my dad's support for this - emotional and practical.

lots of people live extravagant lifestyles without family help.
and lots of parents are savvy and help with what they can, be it child care or gifts of money.
my closest of friends on paper bought her son a home but did so, so that the current gf could not claim any portion of it going forward.

My parents gave me a 5 figure loan so I could pay off the divorce settlement to ExH and buy out his share of my house. It was a loan not a gift and I'm paying back every penny.

My parents haven't helped me financially ever. They weren't in a position to do so when I was younger and then they used inheritance they received to fund their lives with their new partners after separating when I was 21.

I worked one or two jobs throughout sixth form and university. I had three jobs whilst at law school but still ran into debt. I worked hard to pay it all back and I never had a safety net - whoever said that more well-off friends were naive about having a safety net was absolutely right - I recall one friend telling me (in a critical way) that I was very money motivated in my career. I absolutely was - I needed to earn to build savings and buy a house. She works a low paid job and has cars given to her and a house bought for her. A number of my friends had houses purchased out right for them and have never had to pay mortgages or rent.

I have been very lucky with my lovely DH and his family. They don't have much but they really believe in supporting their kids, which has benefited me too. We had a helping hand towards our first house deposit and a couple of thousand towards our wedding too.

My DH feels cross with my parents for their selfish choices on my behalf but I have long since let it go. When you've never had anything, you don't expect anything!

I know a couple of women in their forties whose families rely solely on Daddy's monthly allowance. This allows their dhs to have little hobby businesses and for them to not have to work. I would be interested to see how their dcs turn out as growing up and watching your parents not do much must surely affect their sense of entitlement, i.e. Will they grow up to think they need not work either?

I'm not talking about people whose parents help them out from time to time, I'm talking those whose lifestyles are funded purely by the bank of mum and dad as they themselves grow old.

I would love to be able to help my kids out. I had none and was frequently told not to expect any.

Winnie what a lovely post. I'm sure your dad feels like it's been worth every penny. He must be so proud of you.

Our expectation is that we will pay uni fees plus an allowance so they won't have student debt, significant house deposit and pay for the weddings of our dcs. We wouldn't expect to pay for day to day stuff, because all other things being equal, we are giving them the foundations (e.g. Private education) so unless something goes wrong they ought to be able to go and make something of themselves and have the ambition to be independent and pay for all the other things.

I don't know anyone who gets financial support from their parents. I do know a few who financially support their parents though.

I would support my daughter if she needed it, I support her now but she's at uni and that's different.

I have had bits and pieces of help; I lived with them rent free after uni for a couple of years while I saved up.

Then I was totally independent throughout my twenties and early thirties. No help with house deposit etc; I just saved hard.

But, when I really needed them, really really needed them, when in fled emotionally abusive ex they were amazing. Sent money straight away for emergency costs, helped with lawyer costs, paid when my car broke down and then paid for the children's clubs etc so they didn't miss out on activities during the years I was a single mum.

Now I'm fully independent again so they just treat the children every now and then, and contribute to their more expensive hobbies.

They can't afford to help lots and I wouldn't want it, but they were there as a huge safety cushion in my hardest years and I feel so grateful for that,

JustHereForThePoo, why not accept the money and do something useful with it?

You could give it to charity, buy a property and lease it to the council to house a homeless family, give small financial awards to struggling students who aren't lucky enough to have rich parents, all sorts really.

Your parents wouldn't feel insulted and the money would benefit someone who needs it far more than you or your parents.

I've had help from my parents at times when I've needed it and when I've not needed it. We help our adult DC now.

My parents always said that they would rather see me enjoy it as it would be mine one day anyway. I feel the same now and would hate to see my DC struggle when I'm in a position to help them.

Mine help me since I divorced. DC & I live rent free in one of their homes.

DP and I have never had help from family. My inheritance from my late parents was £11k, DP will get next to nothing, split 4 ways. We both lost out financially as a result of relationship breakdown (I had to pay my ex almost £100k). I bought my first house without any help from anyone and it was 9 years before I could afford not to have a lodger.

Few of my friends are in a position to help their kids out either, although one couple paid off their daughter's student loan so that she could afford to get a promotion (bloody crazy, that young people end up worse off after a pay rise).

All the kids will have to wait until we've shuffled off, which could well not happen until they're in 60s or 70s, or be next to nothing because of care home fees. And then again, we might opt to do equity release and have a high old time in retirement.

My DPs parents bought us our house.

My parents bought me my car, pay for holidays, meals out, etc.

My parents say that they have benefitted from free education including university, generous final salary pension schemes and huge rises in the values of houses over the years. They are happy to help me and my siblings out as they can afford to.

DPs parents gave large sums of money to DP and his siblings in order to limit the future inheritance tax bill that they will have to pay.

I feel very lucky that our parents can afford to do this, and choose to, and try my best to be a good daughter in return!

I think getting your child on the property ladder or offering to pay for, say, privates education for your grandchildren is very kind and reasonable. I'd roll my eyes at an adult getting an allowance for hair and nails though, I think that's ridiculous. I fully intend to help my dc get on the property ladder but won't be giving monthly handouts unless things were really desperate such as they'd lost their job or were long term sick or something.

The dad giving his grown up DD a monthly allowance for hair and nails is unusual - I've never heard of this - but among people I know it's quite normal for the GPs to help out with deposits for flats, school fees and holidays. Not only did that generation benefit from a huge growth in the value of their homes, but many of them have 'gold plated' pensions, etc, which later generations can only dream of. Also, the most expensive years of your life tend to fall in your 30s/40s, when you may not be as well off then as you are later on - particularly if you invest wisely and continue to progress up the career ladder. So those in later life who have made shrewd decisions often find themselves financially comfortable, whereas their DC and GC may be struggling. As a parent with means I think it's understandable to want to ease your DC's struggle if you can afford to do so.

I can think of quite a few people I know/of who live the 'wannabe middle class mummy' life, supplemented by tax credits or child benefit, their H's wages & the bank of mum & dad.

It's blatantly obvious. These 'ladies of leisure' with large families, seem to be able to live a seemingly charmed (non-frugal!) life, even with growing inflation and Britain's uncertain future ...