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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Swimming party in private pool...should parents stay?

198 replies

Witsender · 08/08/2017 12:04

Very outing but hey ho.

Having a swimming party for daughter at my parents' house at the weekend. When we invited her friends we specifically said that it is a private pool, no lifeguards and that parents are responsible and should bring all swim aids etc.

When I messaged today to tell people the address and ask numbers for food (invited whole family as know it is the weekend and we need adults etc) and one mum replied to say she would just be dropping off and be back later.

Kids are 6/7.

I can't decide if I am comfortable or not? There will be lots of adults there, but I am uncertain of taking the responsibility for another child in a busy setting when I have two to watch already.

What does the MN massive think?

OP posts:

youarenotkiddingme · 08/08/2017 16:16

The problem with lifeguards is they lead people into a false sense of security.
Children drown in pools with lifeguards present.

A trained lifeguard can provide a rescue - but so could anyone who's had the training or first aid training.

If you've said parents must sty then I'd text back that it's parents or another adult present required.

I would make it clear she doesn't have to get into the water though - just be there.
There are plenty of reasons she's not stating that make her avoid the party because she feels she may have to swim.

Stratosfear · 08/08/2017 16:20

Water rescue (including CPR in the water, removing a body from the water, how to look after a person outside of the water) and first aid training are two different things. They are not one and the same.

Original poster

Witsender · 08/08/2017 16:24

All sorted now folks, thanks for the concern.

All children, all with parents, will be in the pool for the first half hour or so, followed by a quick hose off either inside or out, and then party games, food, bbq sausages etc. Much like most parties we have had there in the last 10 yrs or so.

OP posts:

ittakes2 · 08/08/2017 16:45

To be honest - the bit where you said "no lifeguards and that parents are responsible and should bring all swim aids etc" to me didn't spell out that you wanted parents to stay. I read it more that parents are responsible for bringing swimming aids. Just ring the mum and explain and say if she can't be there does she know one of the other parents well enough to get them to look after her child. My children have been to more than 50 plus parties each and not one of them have asked for parents to be present. Not a problem - I'm just saying it's not a regular request and I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding.

Gincision · 08/08/2017 17:03

Cancel the cheque....

cluelessnewmum · 08/08/2017 22:25

Definitely insist all parents are present and responsible for keeping an eye on their child. If they say they can't I would say unfortunately you can't allow the child to come.

Ridiculous to suggest that you should have hired a lifeguard, as you say not comfortable with lack of life guard = don't come. It's not some compulsory event organised by a school.

Just think how awful it would be if a child drowned. Also, I don't know if the parents that buggered off would be able to sue you if anything happened to their child - I read about a competent rider teen who sued a woman (teens friend's mum so not a riding school), as the teen rode the woman's horse, the horse bolted or something then she broke her back. I know that's a different situation but it's your pool and you'd be in loco parentis.

On that note, I'd ban / drastically limit the number of floats in the pool so no child gets stuck under one.

TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 08/08/2017 22:56

All sorted now folks, thanks for the concern.

If it's so cut and dried why bother posting?

SoupDragon · 09/08/2017 09:39

If it's so cut and dried why bother posting?

The OP posted to ask about not feeling comfortable about having an unaccompanied child.

Akani · 09/08/2017 09:44

The OP also posted lots of points that actually are unsafe and people quite rightly pointed out due to drowning prevention, education and risks.

WideHorizon · 09/08/2017 10:31

I detect a huge whiff of reverse snobbery in this thread...

DeannaTroika · 09/08/2017 16:32

I detect a huge whiff of reverse snobbery in this thread...

Oh sure, because we're all so jealous of OP's pool. Get a grip

Akani · 09/08/2017 17:01

Reverse snobbery being called when people have pointed out the dangers of drowning and tried to improve public knowledge of drowning risks?

I'm sorry, but it's pretty irresponsible to come on here saying how it's ok to rely on someone with outdated qualifications, and who used to be trained to supervise a child's pool party. Let alone the "competent swimmers" comment...

No pool jealousy here, and we love pool parties - but we love responsible pool parties and sharing good, solid knowledge about drowning prevention.

MaisyPops · 09/08/2017 17:43

It's not inverse snobbery at all.

Even if I don't agree with every poster, it's disingenuous to suggest they're just jealous of someone having a pool.

Original poster

Witsender · 09/08/2017 17:47

I'm pretty switched on and aware, and am quite content with our plans. My question was whether I should insist on a parent attending. I did so, and she is. So in that respect it is cut and dried. My question was answered and I acted on it.

As for the rest of the posts asserting that I am irresponsible and those in my family have outdated qualifications etc etc (which they don't, but that's neither here nor there in terms of what I asked), they're not relevant to my question so bar initial explanations I don't really see the point in continuing that line of conversation. Everyone is entitled to an opinion, but I don't have to agree with them or engage.

OP posts:

Original poster

Witsender · 09/08/2017 17:47

And I don't have a pool, far from it. In fact we only have one working looking and a shed load of puddles. My parents have a pool...vastly different.

OP posts:

Original poster

Witsender · 09/08/2017 17:49

And I'm also not sure why people are so certain that we are unaware of drowning risks tbh. We don't have any inflatables in the pool, and all spend more or less every day in or around water.

OP posts:

bonquiqui · 09/08/2017 18:10

You sound well prepared and glad you gently reminded her she's responsible for watching her child!

Her 'forgetfulness' reminds me of a pool party at a local baths a crazy 'friend' organised once. She was a real people pleaser and basically said people could leave their kids if they wanted and she'd provide childcare. We're talking 4 year olds and under... in a bloody wave pool! Then she tried to rope then childless adults like me in stating we'd be expected to get in the pool and be in charge of 3-4 tiny toddlers each, us being complete strangers to them and would basically be scrabbling not to let them go under with crowds of people and aggressive waves. Funnily enough we all declined and when we pointed out how unsafe it was she cut us all off because we were ruining her party. WTF?!

You're right to make sure everyone is safe now before the day comes and it causes you worry then.

Akani · 09/08/2017 18:17

"And there isn't time to hire a lifeguard… And tbh, it is unnecessary with the number of adults there. “

"The pool has proper steps into it, not ladders and a shallow shallow end.”

"my husband on the BBQ and drinks and other parents all sat next to the pool”

" As does my mother, who was an advanced nursing practioner. And my sister, who was a lifeguard when younger and is now a sailing instructor”

And an offshore first aider as a husband (which unless it's been updated doesn't involve water rescue (does lots of other things though)).

Original poster

Witsender · 09/08/2017 18:19

I'm not sure why we are still debating this point. You think you know better, as do I. The situation was finalised yesterday.

OP posts:

SilverLegoBrick · 09/08/2017 18:24

So many people who think they know better, as you say, and who think that everyone apart from them is ignorant of water safety and want to lecture you rather than answer the sodding question you initially posted! Your party sounds great and very well-planned. I'm a 'nervous' parent unfortunately - and we have a pool! - but I'd have no problem with your party - it's every kid's dream!

Vonklump · 09/08/2017 19:18

Witsender, people will be posting on this thread until after the party.

Disclaimer, I am openly very jealous of the pool.

AlexanderHamilton · 09/08/2017 19:20

I've had numerous similar parties at my parents house (indoor pool) & parents rarely stayed.

Original poster

Witsender · 09/08/2017 19:22

I'm a hugely anxious parent too, there are very people I would trust my children to and am very cautious around the pool, hence being so uncertain when the mother seemed so blasé.

OP posts:

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