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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Swimming party in private pool...should parents stay?

198 replies

Witsender · 08/08/2017 12:04

Very outing but hey ho.

Having a swimming party for daughter at my parents' house at the weekend. When we invited her friends we specifically said that it is a private pool, no lifeguards and that parents are responsible and should bring all swim aids etc.

When I messaged today to tell people the address and ask numbers for food (invited whole family as know it is the weekend and we need adults etc) and one mum replied to say she would just be dropping off and be back later.

Kids are 6/7.

I can't decide if I am comfortable or not? There will be lots of adults there, but I am uncertain of taking the responsibility for another child in a busy setting when I have two to watch already.

What does the MN massive think?

OP posts:

HipsterHunter · 08/08/2017 12:41

As I stated earlier. The invitation was to a party at my parents house. Snacks, with sausages on BBQ. Pool available for those who want to swim, but parents to stay, retain responsibility and bring any swim aids needed.

Cool then just give her a call or text back "great looking forward to seeing little freddie. Just to clarify - kids can only swim if they have a parent with them. Will you be staying so freddie can swim, or will he just be coming for the BBQ?"

PestoSwimissimos · 08/08/2017 12:42

Just ring her up & tell her!

Not sure why you didn't speak up when she originally told you she was going to drop & go.

Isetan · 08/08/2017 12:44

Over cautious, you're having a laugh aren't you? Does any of your family have lifeguard experience and will their attendance be dedicated and restricted to lifeguarding? If the answer is no to either of these questions, then yes you're being irresponsible.

UrsulaPandress · 08/08/2017 12:44

I remember DD being invited to a pool party at a local swimming pool when she was about 8. It was run by the pool with lifeguards but one of those big floaty things to play on. I stayed and watched as I was not confident in the safety provided. She did momentarily get stuck under the large inflateable and I was ready to dive throw myself in!

I don't think yabu.

Original poster

Witsender · 08/08/2017 12:44

She only replied to my reminder this morning, just before I posted. My instinct was to get my back up a little, my husband felt it would be ok. Hence trying for a few different opinions.

OP posts:

Original poster

Witsender · 08/08/2017 12:45

Have you read each of my posts Isetan?

OP posts:

DancesWithOtters · 08/08/2017 12:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WeShouldOpenABar · 08/08/2017 12:46

She doesn't know how many adults will be there or their qualifications so she's being irresponsible, even if she did you're not comfortable with it and she has to accept that to let her child attend.

You've done your own risk assessment what other people think is irrelevant

Ollycat · 08/08/2017 12:47

OP you are unnecessarily being slated - give drop off girls mum a ring an explain that you'd like her to stay

This thread sums up mumsnet - fine leave your kids home alone during the holidays but how dare you invite families to your house if you have a pool! Oh and never answer the door / phone / take in people's parcels

sherbetpips · 08/08/2017 12:47

I personally would not hold a swimming party for that age group, you have no idea of there swimming abilities and it is a lot of responsibility. Doesn't matter if you told them about no lifeguard, etc. if a kids drowns quoting the words on the invite is hardly going to help.

I would insist parents attend and that they are responsible for there child whilst in the pool.

HopefulHamster · 08/08/2017 12:47

Gosh, my son is 7 and can barely doggy paddle. I would feel uncomfortable at any swimming party unless I was in the water with him. Are you expecting any parents to do that or are all the kids considered good swimmers?

LilaoftheGreenwood · 08/08/2017 12:48

I mean, it probably will be ok, but I tend to agree with you OP that that's not the point. It's that somehow you have to allot responsibility for this child. It isn't that easy to "watch" other people's children in this situation IMO because you don't know what their swimming skills are like or how they might behave in distress. Unless you are a qualified lifeguard but as a pp said why should the OP's sister have this particular responsibility for this one child on her. It's great that she's there but it should be an extra safety net.

Kaytey · 08/08/2017 12:48

No - you've asked them to stay with their kid, then they stay with their kid or she can't attend the party. End of.

toastandbutterandjam · 08/08/2017 12:49

If my sister was invited to a pool party, I'd have to get in with her for various reasons.
All my focus would be on her due to:
Her SEN
the fact she can't swim as she has DCD (we're getting there)
she loves the pool BUT can get very overexcited (I have removed her from pools when she does as it could be dangerous for her and others)

I wouldn't be comfortable just watching from the side of the pool, so I most certainly wouldn't leave her and expect someone else to keep an eye on her in that situation. If you've stated parents need to stay, then they need to stay or their child can't attend/get in the pool - it really is as simple as that.

MyheartbelongstoG · 08/08/2017 12:50

Being honest I wouldn't let my 6/7 year old go to a pool party and leave them there.

I would probably also think to myself a pool party ffs.

Hope your dd has a great day.

alltouchedout · 08/08/2017 12:52

No lifeguards? Parents should have to stay, yes.

I just feel that you as the party host should provide a safe party, and having loads of kids back to your parents swimming pool outwith hiring a lifeguard... is not a safe party.

You are the host. You have the responsibility. Age 6 is totally in the "drop and run" birthday party age and you should have have planed appropriately.

What tosh .

Stratosfear · 08/08/2017 12:53

What happens if a parent can't swim?

Are they allowed to leave then?

Original poster

Witsender · 08/08/2017 12:54

I would say 3/4 of them are reasonable swimmers. My daughter can swim 50 m or so and so can 2 others for sure, they're in the same class. A couple of others also do lessons and are at the same sort of level. I know there will be about 5 adults in the pool itself, I don't know about the others.

OP posts:

Puffpaw · 08/08/2017 12:55

Do the parents know what to look for if someone is drowning? Lots of people don't, there is no flailing arms and cries of help.

bangingmyheadoffabrickwall · 08/08/2017 12:56

I would message the parents back direct and explain that nobody else at the party is comfortable about being responsible for their child in a swimming pool. If the child wants to 'swim' then a parent must be present.

TBH I insist on the same rules in our swimming pool. BUT I make it clear that parents don't have to be in the water; as long as they are supervising from the side.

Original poster

Witsender · 08/08/2017 12:56

I'm not sure Strato, it isn't relevant here though. But tbh with the numbers we have, I probably wouldn't object to a non swimming parent as at least they would be taking responsibility for being eyes on.

OP posts:

hatchypomagain · 08/08/2017 12:56

Also depends on the pool, if they can all swim, there's only a few of them and it's shallow, so they can all stand up - I'd be fine with it, non-swimmers, deep end, crowded pool different kettle of fish. Also in a small pool, it can really difficult to see if anyone is under the water.

Flowersandfootballs · 08/08/2017 12:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

saoirse31 · 08/08/2017 12:57

Parents watching is a joke tbh. At best they'll watch their own child most consistently, at worst they'll be distracted, talking eating etc. I know u say ur sister used to be a lifeguard but unless she's officially acting as a lifeguard then the same applies. And if she is going to act as lifeguard, then what's the problem?

Pool parties for that age seem absolutely stupid tho, tho thats clearly just my opinion.

Serialweightwatcher · 08/08/2017 12:57

Whether the parent can swim or not, I'd text her to say "we require parents to stay with their child/children because we cannot take responsibility for other people's children in this situation" and let her decide

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