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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Swimming party in private pool...should parents stay?

198 replies

Witsender · 08/08/2017 12:04

Very outing but hey ho.

Having a swimming party for daughter at my parents' house at the weekend. When we invited her friends we specifically said that it is a private pool, no lifeguards and that parents are responsible and should bring all swim aids etc.

When I messaged today to tell people the address and ask numbers for food (invited whole family as know it is the weekend and we need adults etc) and one mum replied to say she would just be dropping off and be back later.

Kids are 6/7.

I can't decide if I am comfortable or not? There will be lots of adults there, but I am uncertain of taking the responsibility for another child in a busy setting when I have two to watch already.

What does the MN massive think?

OP posts:
NotLachsAgainMother · 08/08/2017 12:17

Sorry, got distracted. The child who drowned was dropped off by her parents. There was no lifeguard present.

HipsterHunter · 08/08/2017 12:17

I just feel that parents should have responsibility for their child

I just feel that you as the party host should provide a safe party, and having loads of kids back to your parents swimming pool outwith hiring a lifeguard... is not a safe party.

You are the host. You have the responsibility. Age 6 is totally in the "drop and run" birthday party age and you should have have planed appropriately.

Plexie · 08/08/2017 12:19

Here's a link to the story about the 7 year old girl who drowned:

www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2017/jul/26/girl-7-drowned-at-norfolk-pool-party-with-no-lifeguard-on-duty

10 children and 10 adults present.

Original poster
Witsender · 08/08/2017 12:19

There will be 10 kids in total, including my 2. With about the same number of adults even without the mother/father of said child. There will be about 3 or 4 adults in the pool, with my parents watching as well, my husband on the BBQ and drinks and other parents all sat next to the pool. So the ratios are fine.

OP posts:
ParadiseCity · 08/08/2017 12:19

I have done swimming party at this age with a lifeguard and still asked parents to stay. The pool specified ratio of adults to children even with a lifeguard included. YANBU. Text back explaining they need to stay or produce another adult who will be looking after the child.

Decaffstilltastesweird · 08/08/2017 12:20

YY to messaging back; no drop offs. I wouldn't feel comfortable with this either and you already said you wouldn't allow drop offs, so it's a little rude of them to ask you to babysit their dc.

ParadiseCity · 08/08/2017 12:20

X post about ratios.

PersianCatLady · 08/08/2017 12:22

It isn't a massive party, so with parents there a lifeguard is unnecessary
So you know how to perform CPR on a child who has just been rescued from the pool??

Original poster
Witsender · 08/08/2017 12:23

It isn't drop and run here tbh, parents still stay. We have never left her at a party, not have any other parents at parties we have been to. Even at soft play etc.

If the parent was uncomfortable with our arrangements that's totally.cool. But the invitation specifically stated the plan so it is the individual parent's decision to make.

If I tell parents they are expected to stay, and that there is no lifeguard, I'm not sure how it is reasonable that any parent expect otherwise?

OP posts:
Dlpdep · 08/08/2017 12:23

Ring her rather than message. You can't convey tone in a message. Just explain that due to the nature of the party, it wouldn't be an appropriate one to drop and go, that all of the other parents will be staying and that the child really wouldn't be able to join in the pool element of it without her own parents there for supervision.

Isetan · 08/08/2017 12:24

Are you mad! A pool party for young children, let alone one that has no trained supervision present. How helpful would a parent be in an emergency situation, especially if the couldn't swim (or did I miss that specification on the invite)? Calling it a 'private' pool party doesn't negate your responsibility for the children in your care in a dangerous environment.

Hire a lifeguard or don't have a (pool)party. You sound at best, ill prepared and at worst, downright irresponsible.

Pools are potentially incredibly dangerous places for children, even with supervision.

nikiforov · 08/08/2017 12:25

How many kids will be there? Sometimes you can't tell somebody is drowning/in distress when they're in extreme danger.

sonjadog · 08/08/2017 12:25

I would text her back and say that you're sorry if it was unclear, but a parent needs to be there. Especially after that terrible drowing incident linked to above, you don't want to take any chances.

Beachbaby2017 · 08/08/2017 12:25

The ratios mean nothing unless you're talking about the number of people actively watching and scanning the pool, not just at the pool. I'm a former lifeguard and I've seen kids start to drown a metre from their distracted parents. True supervision is within arms reach, watching the kids at all times. Drowning takes no time at all.

Minkyfluffster · 08/08/2017 12:25

Are you expecting the parents to come with swimming costumes and come into the pool? not every parent would be comfortable with that.

What did you specify on invite?

Original poster
Witsender · 08/08/2017 12:25

Well yes, my husband does, having been trained to act in leiu of a doctor when offshore. As does my mother, who was an advanced nursing practioner. And my sister, who was a lifeguard when younger and is also a sailing diving instructor.

And if you're not comfortable with the arrangements, then feel free not to send your child. I'm quite comfortable with what we have planned, my query was whether the parent should be sending their child unaccompanied when asked not to.

OP posts:
abigcupoffuckyou · 08/08/2017 12:26

I just feel that you as the party host should provide a safe party, and having loads of kids back to your parents swimming pool outwith hiring a lifeguard... is not a safe party

I feel the same. But I would have just declined the invitation.

ParadiseCity · 08/08/2017 12:26

Blimey each child will have a parent with them I don't think OP is irresponsible.

Just thought I wonder if drop and run mum knows she doesn't have to get in the pool? Might be worth making it clear that she only needs to be 'poolside'?

Original poster
Witsender · 08/08/2017 12:27

As I stated earlier. The invitation was to a party at my parents house. Snacks, with sausages on BBQ. Pool available for those who want to swim, but parents to stay, retain responsibility and bring any swim aids needed. Two hours of an afternoon. Bar one or two, all have been there before.

OP posts:
elevenclips · 08/08/2017 12:28

I am not sure why you are stressing. You have plenty of adults, make one of those responsible for these two unaccompanied kids (eg your mum).

It seems you have more issue with the woman dropping off and not supervising her own kids. It is reckless IMO to drop a 6yo at a swimming party but you do have the adults to handle the situation so you'll just have to suck it up I think.

nikiforov · 08/08/2017 12:29

Well yes, my husband does, having been trained to act in leiu of a doctor when offshore. As does my mother, who was an advanced nursing practioner. And my sister, who was a lifeguard when younger and is also a sailing diving instructor.

Bit of a dripfeed there tbh. You should have mentioned people have lifeguard training.

Goodasgoldilox · 08/08/2017 12:29

You just need to remind her that at this party her child needs individual supervision. Ask (since she won't be staying herself) who her nominated adult is?

Original poster
Witsender · 08/08/2017 12:30

Precisely because I am not as irresponsible as some feel tbh. Because I personally would not leave either of my children in the same situation, especially given we have asked them not to.

My husband thinks it will be fine, that as we are likely to have more adults than kids already we can hand her to say, my sister, to be paired with for example, but I think it is a bit of an ask.

OP posts:
VladmirsPoutine · 08/08/2017 12:30

I'm also on the fence. 99% sure nothing will happen but there's still that 1% chance and you don't want that on your conscience.

KatyBerry · 08/08/2017 12:31

what goldilox said. You don't need one adult per child but you ened each child to have a responsible adult
(no way I'd have undertaken anything like it for 6/7 year olds!)

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