Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Original poster

Swimming party in private pool...should parents stay?

198 replies

Witsender · 08/08/2017 12:04

Very outing but hey ho.

Having a swimming party for daughter at my parents' house at the weekend. When we invited her friends we specifically said that it is a private pool, no lifeguards and that parents are responsible and should bring all swim aids etc.

When I messaged today to tell people the address and ask numbers for food (invited whole family as know it is the weekend and we need adults etc) and one mum replied to say she would just be dropping off and be back later.

Kids are 6/7.

I can't decide if I am comfortable or not? There will be lots of adults there, but I am uncertain of taking the responsibility for another child in a busy setting when I have two to watch already.

What does the MN massive think?

OP posts:

Hoppinggreen · 08/08/2017 12:31

I have had pool parties for my daughter and attended a few. In all cases non swimmers were required to have an adult in the pool with them and for swimmers there had to be a ratio of 1.2 adults/ children. This was at non private pools WITH a lifeguard on duty.
I think your party sounds very risky and if I ( or probably DH) wasn't going in with my child they wouldn't be going so I don't know what " drop off mum" thinks she's playing at

brasty · 08/08/2017 12:32

Tell parents they have to stay. Supervising a group of young children in a pool is very hard. Drowning does not look like what you imagine. I would never take this on.

Original poster

Witsender · 08/08/2017 12:32

Why? It is only relevant when asked tbh, I'm not sure why the assumption is everyone is an irresponsible eejit unless specified otherwise. My entire family are some sort of watersports instructor, most with offshore experience and qualifications. Most of our fields are of the same background. I'm not including myself as am nearly 30wks pg and not as mobile as I was.

OP posts:

PersianCatLady · 08/08/2017 12:33

My entire family are some sort of watersports instructor, most with offshore experience and qualifications
So why didn't you say that in the first place?

PuppyMonkey · 08/08/2017 12:34

For whatever reason, this parent has obviously misunderstood if she's planning on nipping off and you don't want her to. Just tell her she has to stay or let your fully qualified lifeguard sister look after her for a bit, not the end of the world is it?

Original poster

Witsender · 08/08/2017 12:34

How is it relevant? My question was whether a parent should leave her child at a pool.party when asked not to?

OP posts:

EnidNextDoor · 08/08/2017 12:35

Tell the parents the invitation is for their child to swim and attend a party and for one of her parents to watch her swim. All or nothing. I know someone who had a guest drown under similar circumstances and decades on it still affects them all. Don't do it to yourself please.

Notevilstepmother · 08/08/2017 12:35

I think it is cheeky/rude of her to expect to drop and run in this situation. I don't think it is necessary for you to pay for a lifeguard for people who can't be bothered to look after their own children.

I can see why some people might want a lifeguard if they weren't confident, but as you have plenty of sensible adults and your husband your mum and sister all trained in CPR there is really no need.

Original poster

Witsender · 08/08/2017 12:35

And I'm not sure how you can misunderstand "so please make sure you stay with her" tbh, but happy to be corrected on how I could be clearer.

OP posts:

Questioningeverything · 08/08/2017 12:35

So what are you going to reply?

Notevilstepmother · 08/08/2017 12:36

The fact that your sister is able to look after her doesn't mean she should have to.

Original poster

Witsender · 08/08/2017 12:37

I don't know! 😂 I'm going to do a final headcount and speak to my parents etc and give it some thought.

OP posts:

Oliversmumsarmy · 08/08/2017 12:37

I have been to one pool party and one was enough. Anxiety levels with water and young children about. Parents acting like I am the strange one . Suddenly saw a little boy go under and not come up. Jumped in the pool fully clothed and pulled him off the bottom. He was ok. Parents thought I was ott.
Parent don't seem aware of the dangers.

KatyBerry · 08/08/2017 12:38

why waste your time? put the onus on her to give it some thought and ask her who the adult present at teh party who is responsible for her child will be, given she's not staying

Original poster

Witsender · 08/08/2017 12:38

And despite the accusations of my irresponsibility I'm glad that actually my instinct to be over cautious here isn't unreasonable and that the majority wouldn't want to leave their child.

OP posts:

PuppyMonkey · 08/08/2017 12:38

Well in your op you said you told them the following:

"When we invited her friends we specifically said that it is a private pool, no lifeguards and that parents are responsible and should bring all swim aids etc. "

As I said in my PP, I think that could be misconstrued. But if you're now saying you dud tell everyone you had to stay, for some reason she's misunderstood and you should tell her.

planetclom · 08/08/2017 12:39

Ffs! This is difficult contact the. Mother and say sorry if you didn't understand the invite, you need at least 1 adult attend with your daughter, can you let me know how many adults and addition children to your daughter will be coming, sorry if there is no one available but we are unable to take responsibility for her but I will brook off her party bag at school on x date
Anyway the mum is testing the water, who actually specifies what they are doing in a reply, you normally just say child's name will be able to attend on x at y.
Don't make it a drama

Original poster

Witsender · 08/08/2017 12:39

I didn't type word for word what I said, but tbh it isn't rocket science is it.

OP posts:

planetclom · 08/08/2017 12:39

Isn't difficult

Yika · 08/08/2017 12:39

She is definitely BU but maybe hasn't thought it through. I think you should do as a PP said and call the mum, and tell her the child must come with a supervising adult if she wants to go in the pool.

peachgreen · 08/08/2017 12:40

Nope, you already said parents had to stay. Just text back and say that you're happy to have X at the party but as they're not staying, she won't be allowed to swim.

Stratosfear · 08/08/2017 12:40

" And tbh, it is unnecessary with the number of adults there"

No it's really not; there's a huge difference between lifeguard who is trained to do water rescues, medical qualifications up-to-date vs. any other adult.

I feel you've been hugely irresponsible.

ParadiseCity · 08/08/2017 12:41

OP a bbq?!?! I hope you have booked the fire brigade and air ambulance right?

stonecircle · 08/08/2017 12:41

I used to work with someone whose daughter drowned in a swimming pool. Two kids in my class at school drowned in separate incidents. I wouldn't take any risks at all where water is concerned.

Original poster

Witsender · 08/08/2017 12:41

Well, that's fine. Feel free not to send your child.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8