Swimming party in private pool...should parents stay?

[Witsender]

Very outing but hey ho.

Having a swimming party for daughter at my parents' house at the weekend. When we invited her friends we specifically said that it is a private pool, no lifeguards and that parents are responsible and should bring all swim aids etc.

When I messaged today to tell people the address and ask numbers for food (invited whole family as know it is the weekend and we need adults etc) and one mum replied to say she would just be dropping off and be back later.

Kids are 6/7.

I can't decide if I am comfortable or not? There will be lots of adults there, but I am uncertain of taking the responsibility for another child in a busy setting when I have two to watch already.

What does the MN massive think?

I've messaged her back and reiterated that of her daughter wants to swim then an adult needs to be with her.

She has just replied and said she forgot about the pool. Unlikely due to the nature of my message and the fact this is a messenger thread so all messages are there to be seen but hey ho. Will give the details again and take it from there.

It's unfair on the other parents to let one drop and run. You made it clear in the invitation that an adult had to stay so just say no the children can't come to the party without an adult with them.

I don't think it matters how many adults there are, whether there is a lifeguard or not or whether people think it is an appropriate party for this age group. You said to people it's a party and there is use of a pool should people want to use it, with a responsible adult. It's up to each individual family to decide whether to swim/play or morning and take responsibility for theirselves.

If she wants to drop and run then the child can't use the pool, simple.
Don't take responsibility for this child, suppose they don't want to listen to the person who is 'assigned' the responsible adult. Your husband, mum want to enjoy the party not be concerned about some random child.

Text back, if an adult doesn't stay then the child can't go in the pool.

Hope you enjoy the party.

Sorry cross post

If you let this parent drop and run, you could set yourself up for the scenario whereby other parents arrive, planning (reluctantly?) to stay because that's what the invitation said, then realise one parent has dropped and run so decide there and then that they will do the same.

The invitation is on the terms you specify. Parent either accepts or refuses. You need to clarify this before you end up with a situation you can't control.

To come to the party and not go in the pool would be really hard to enforce as someone could too easily give the child permission to go in, then not actually supervise them.

Even with parents supervising, if something goes wrong, everyone will blame you, therefore, I'd keep the pool party to the (extended) family only.

This is assuming that other people's supervision and control of their own children is actually adequate for the situation...

I agree with the earlier suggestion of writing back telling the parent that that's fine for her child to attend unaccompanied, but that you're afraid she won't be able to go in the pool with the others whilst she's there; unless the parent can organise with one of the other parents that they will be responsible for her child too.

Gah! Cross post!

I see you've clarified with the parent - good work :)

I'd call the mum.
I've been to a couple of parties like this. When my kids were in the water I sat at the pool with my legs in the water keeping an eye. When my kids left I left. The kids who had less actively involved parents were very competent swimmers.
At 6 though I'd say it's a bit harder. Most of the 6 year olds I know can't swim that well.

Good that you messaged her, but you need to understand that unless all parents know they must be there and be actively attending to supervision of their own children, you will bear ultimate responsibility for any child who is in or near the pool without a parent/guardian.

I would not ever take on that burden whilst trying to run my child's party. You can't even say that it's ok for this child to be there without an adult if she doesn't swim - she will still be near the pool and will still be your responsibility. Don't do it!

Agree that parent should stay, you were clear in the original invite.

Just saw your update. Sorry

When we have had people (including most of this lot) round to swim at different times parents normally go in. This who don't sit on the side with feet in or whatever.

Have you considered a skydiving party? So much drier and ZERO chance of drowning.

*Today 12:58 fleecyjumper

It's unfair on the other parents to let one drop and run. You made it clear in the invitation that an adult had to stay so just say no the children can't come to the party without an adult with them. *

Is everyone missing the fact that all the people invited are family friends? I know MN abhors the idea of actually chatting to people but essentially this is just inviting some friends round - don't get where all the parental angst about having to get into a pool comes from!

I wouldn't feel comfortable accepting an invitation for one of our DDs at a private pool without a lifeguard present. There needs to be someone trained should there be a problem.

DD1 attended a swimming party when in year 1, it was hosted at our local leisure centre. DH attended with her, where we live, drop offs are not common until year 2, tbh.

I think you definitely need a lifeguard. There's a clear warning about a child drowning at a swimming party, you can't be too careful!

Or drain the pool first?

Sorry, missed the bit where you said that there will be people who are lifeguard trained, that puts a different spin on things. That should have been in your OP.

In that case, of course it's fine. And up to you whether parents can drop children off or not.

"Can't you hire a lifeguard" is the new "cancel the cheque."

Glad it's sorted OP.

I have read the thread and just because one parent is being irresponsible it doesn't negate your responsibility. Children's parties can be very chaotic affairs, add water and no one taking overall responsibility for pool safety and you are asking for trouble.

People get easily distracted, especially in noisy fast paced environments and that's why you need someone whose job it is to be focussed, not just on an invidual child but on an entire area.

Anyway I'm out, there's no point in trying to communicate with someone who obviously doesn't see the danger in such a situation.

No at that young parent should not be dropping off their child. At our local public pool there are specific policies for under eights and they all include adult/parent supervision. No afult allowed to be in charge if more than 2 under 8's in the main pool. The child's parent needs to stay

With some experience of private pools, with that number still I think you need to have a lifeguard specifically for watching the pool.

What will happen with all parents staying is that they'll get chatting, assume someone else is watching, wander off to get food etc. and it only takes a few moments for a child to get knocked underwater.

If there were only 3-4 children then the parents will be much more aware of the numbers and more inclined to say "just watch them while I go to the loo". With more people tend to assume someone else is watching.

If you have someone specifically watching the pool they know they can't turn their back. When I have done that, I'm constantly counting heads.

I think it will be a lovely party and they will enjoy themselves.

Theres as much danger of injury as trampolines and bouncy castles - and I bet lots of MNetters have those.

• my biggest fear are trampolines, I've seen some poorly maintained ones with too many kids bouncing about without supervision.

Dear &insert deity of your choice& there will be parents a doctor a nurse and a diving instructor there. The children are to be supervised by their own parents. There will be greater than 1:1 supervision.

The children will be participating in a healthy fun activity that is far safer than crossing the road.

I thought I was health and safety mad.

I can see the danger but feel that we are more than adequately prepared for it. Having done it before and knowing the layout/set up etc.

Anyhoo, have spoken with the mum and all is sorted, she will stay. Which I'm really glad about because I like her and her daughter very much, and my daughter is very fond of her and is pleased she could come.