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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask what constitutes a 'spirited child'?

152 replies

malificent7 · 07/08/2017 23:22

My dd is lovely but she is what I would call 'spirited.'
She is definitely not the obedient type. I don't think that blind obedience is a god trait but she often does the opposite to what I would like or point blank refuses to cooperate. She will make a fuss if I ask her to help tidy up for example.
She is very demanding and wants my attention. She is a diva and every little scratch is a major catastrophe.
She is boisterous and likes to dance around and throw herself at me.
She loves to play pranks and has a wicked sense of humour.
At the moment she is prone to anxiety and is very clingy but I am working with her to get over this.
She is bloody stubborn, bossy and likes to be in control.
I love her to bits but bloody hell, I am exhausted and need a break...which she is reluctant to give to me due to anxiety.
She will not let me sit in peace and demands my attention if she senses I am still. We argue a lot but also have lovely, cuddly times.
She is 9. So is she spirited or is this normal? Any tips would be useful.

OP posts:

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 07/08/2017 23:25

She sounds naughty (unless there is anything else going on)

She's 9 which is old enough to toe the line when asked.

Sinead9 · 07/08/2017 23:26

Spirited is a diplomatic way of saying a spoiled brat. No excuse for a mentally and physically capable 8 year old not to help tidy.

Sinead9 · 07/08/2017 23:27

9 year old even.

Namechangetempissue · 07/08/2017 23:27

That's not spirited, that's just bloody rude and bratty! I wouldn't put up with that from a 4 year old, let alone a 9 year old.

Original poster

malificent7 · 07/08/2017 23:29

She is great for everyone else but gives me a very hard time. She has accepted my partner at last and loves him but she was very jealous at first.

I have tried to be strict but she pushes against my boundaries.

OP posts:

AfunaMbatata · 07/08/2017 23:29

IMO 'spirited' is just another term for 'little shits'.

Does she have consequences for her poor behaviour? Stamp it out now before she hits teenage years.

ToeKneeChestNut · 07/08/2017 23:29

Gosh, I presumed you meant a toddler until the last line.

I don't think this is normal behaviour for a four year old onwards really.

I wonder why she demands your attention all the time. Does she has friends at school etc?

Mrscropley · 07/08/2017 23:29

You need to polish up your dm hat. .

It's rusty and you are allowing a monster to take over your life. .

Original poster

malificent7 · 07/08/2017 23:32

oooo er.....not sure I want to read lots of people slagging off a 9 year old tbh. I was more looking for helpful advice, I might be better off posting in parenting. She does have many redeeming features you know...her being human, 9 years old and more than a 2 dimensional character and all!

OP posts:

NikiBabe · 07/08/2017 23:32

She sounds like a nightmare.

Throwing herself at you?!

Badly behaved and spolit come to mind not spirited.

She only does it with you as no one else would tolerate it, she knows that.id say you've left the discipline rather too late

ijustwannadance · 07/08/2017 23:33

I thought you wer talking about a toddler too!
You are one major pushover. Good luck when she hits her teens.

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 07/08/2017 23:34

Until I got to the last line you could have been describing my 4yo, and I don't put up with this kind of behavior from him!

She's not 'spirited'

Namechangetempissue · 07/08/2017 23:35

Your answer speaks volumes to be honest op. It IS bratty and rude behaviour. It's not saying she is a horrible person or awful always, but its nothing to be celebrated or chuckled over as "spirited". She behaves for others so she knows right from wrong.

devuskums · 07/08/2017 23:35

Of course she pushes against your boundaries, that is what children do! But you are her parent, you set the boundaries and it is your job to help her adhere to them. Set reasonable boundaries and limits that you are comfortable with, and have a plan of consequences you are going to calmly stick to when she rebels. Also don't forget praise and rewards for when she behaves well.

Original poster

malificent7 · 07/08/2017 23:35

Things happening in her life:
Absent father,
High anxiety , possible attachment disorder I think.
I have a lovely dp but it has taken her a while to accept him. She adores him now and accepts him 100%

OP posts:

ScarletForYa · 07/08/2017 23:35

Spirited is a euphemism for brat.

Wolfiefan · 07/08/2017 23:36

She's great for everyone else? So she can choose to behave around other people but acts up for you. She's not "spirited". She's worked out you're a soft touch and she can push the boundaries. And you let her.
Time to get tougher.

Mrscropley · 07/08/2017 23:37

My dd has been through x 100 that and is no way what you describe. She is 10.
You do her no favours by making excuses for her.

StillMedusa · 07/08/2017 23:37

'Spirited' to me is synonymous with ' insufficient boundaries and subsequently a pain in the arse'. Not a great thing. Children can be lively, inquisitive, questioning etc but if they are well behaved I don't tink 'spirited' .

Your daughter sounds hard work.. whether that is because she has a an emotional/anxiety difficulty I don't know, but at 9 she should not be a demanding diva...and she should be able to carry out basic requests like tidying up without a fuss.

I'd be clamping down on disobedience, refusals and drama -queen behaviour pretty sharpish... it's not acceptable.. she's not a toddler.
It will be hard at first but establishing boundaries and making it very clear that sill behaviour is not on, will make your life a lot more pleasant in the long run.
My eldest was a a bit like that,and harsh tho it sounds, taking no notice of dramatics and actually insisting on decent behaviour really helped.

Binglesplodge · 07/08/2017 23:37

If you want advice, you might be best reposting and rethinking the wording: if you phrase the question such that you're asking help with your daughter's behaviour I'm sure you'll get lots of good advice. The problem with describing a child as spirited is that it comes with an implication that you're indulgent of their behaviour and encouraging them to continue because they're special.

NikiBabe · 07/08/2017 23:38

Things happening in my life as a child of 9.

Absent father, ill sister, moving countries, changing schools.

I did not ever behave like your dd.

My mother wouldn't have tolerated it.

If it was life circumstances her behaviour would be like that with everyone. But it isnt. Just you. Because you allow and excuse it just like you are doing here.

Viviennemary · 07/08/2017 23:38

A naughty indulged child who won't do as its told. In other words a brat. But spirited does sound a lot more civilised.

Mamagin · 07/08/2017 23:38

Learn to say 'NO', and mean it. Broken record.
Yes, 'spirited' equals spoilt brat.

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 07/08/2017 23:38

You asked if this is normal. This is not normal. Nobody is 'slagging off a 9yo'

I have a 9yo as well. If he behaved like this he'd be in his room the the rest of the night, and no devices for the forseeable future, but then I actually am strict.

Original poster

malificent7 · 07/08/2017 23:39

When did I say I was celebrating this behaviour or chuckling over it?

I'm bloody exhausted!

I don't pat her on the head and chuckle when she behaves badly I chuck her the ipad , sweets and reach for the gin

(Jokes)

OP posts:

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