My neighbours are thick as fuck! I'm stuck in their house!

[squattingposition]

I can't even understood what's happened!! They've locked me in their house and set the alarm! What the fuck do I do now ???

!!!! I think they r not the thick ones OP!!!! ;)

I don't care whether this is real or not. I love it.

They're your neighbours but you live 3 miles away? Are you in the arse end of nowhere??

Oh dear...

OP I think you need to ring the police on the non-emergency number.

So to summarise:

1. Elderly couple have chatted at the gate with you a few times since moving to the area not long ago, and subsequently asked you to feed their fish whilst they are away.
2. You went to the house to collect the key, and stopped for a few scones and a chat as they rushed around bickering and getting ready.
3. The scones got your bowels going just as they were leaving, so you quickly popped to their bog to release the monster.
4. You had an extraordinarily long shit because when you rematerialised, they had packed up, locked up and left, without leaving the key you went there there to collect in the first, apparently forgetting that you were IN THEIR HOUSE 5 MINUTES AGO.

Okey dokey.

I'm sorry but thinking I can smell the whiff of horse poo from here ... why are you faffing about on MN with bugger all battery, locked in a timewarp cottage full of scones when you should be RINGING THE POLICE before your phone packs in?

Augustrat Indeed.

I am also not placemarking.....
Just love the bizarre nature of this thread and NEED to know what happens next....!

Ha!

(Place mark)

Maybe they've just popped down to the basement momentarily to set up their BDSM dungeon?

Do you see any copies of 50 Shades lying around, OP?

I suspect the OPs battery might have gone flat by now. If the householders are elderly, they will almost certainly have a landline, but does the OP know anyone's number if her mobile is flat?

Also may not have phone chargers lying around as they will probably have taken them on holiday, if they do have a compatible charger.

I suppose the OP will be back when her friend turns up and can post a charger through the letterbox if nothing else.

(Winston Churchill)

NEVAH in the field of MUMSNETTING has such ERRANT NONSENSE been peddled in the name of DAILY MAIL BAITING.

No advice but need to know what happens. Don't even care if this is real or not. I hope it is though.

I probably would have called 111 and asked for advice and see what they say.

Assuming this is true and you are still reading.

Do they have a landline?
Can you use their phone? Search for their mobile numbers on the handset, or use it to ring police/fire department.

This is the most domesticated escape room ever.

All older people have a biscuit tin, help yourself.

Definitely place marking to know if you got out alive

Can you just settle in and make yourself at home?

Sharon? Is that you?

Actually, Sharon was more "stream of conciousness". This thread makes actual sense. Sort of.

Maybe Sharon's little sister?

My nearest neighbour is about 2.5 miles away so it's not beyond possible.

Ring a locksmith.

Unless there is some kind of league of gentlemen shizzle about to go down in which case find a pen and paper so you can update us all later when your phone is recharged unless you are dead by then of course

What on earth? They must be speed demons to disappear completely in the time it took you to go to the loo. Not to mention extremely quiet. And yet they are at least in their late 80s? So quite possibly even older? Wow. Impressive.

Over their pissing gate it's not a shared gate it's a detached house about a half a mile from the village! I ride past it on my bike and that's how I met them! So yes they are my neighbours because apart from the 3 houses next to mine it's the next nearest one!!!

No I wouldn't smoke in their house that's why the cigs are in my basket but I could do with one now. If I had them on me I could fit my head through the utility room window