My neighbours are thick as fuck! I'm stuck in their house!

[squattingposition]

I can't even understood what's happened!! They've locked me in their house and set the alarm! What the fuck do I do now ???

I am 73 and have micro chips in the freezer. They are great with egg and beans for a quick meal or on their own for a naughty snack. I don't like Pot Noodles but my friend is 81 and always has them in.
I totally believe this thread, even if it's fake I believe it especially the bit about weeding on the lawn. Where else could the friend wee?

@Redglitter
Yes it is, it's highly amusing, what's the issue?!

This is the best thing I have ever read in my entire life

You poor, poor thing.

@Butterforgloss
Why? For finding a thread amusing? 🤔

Weeding on the lawn would be as kind as knocking together the shelves.

Well tbh finding this thread the best thing you have have ever read in your entire life is a rather stark statement of your literary loves and achievements.

Never mind George Clooney was it a chicken and mushroom pot noodle?

Eww, they left more scones? They'd have been ming-a-ding by the time they got home.

@LineyAgain
Oh yes, definitely not exaggerating(!)

1. Even if it was the best thing I'd read, it doesn't suggest anything else other than my taste in humor.

I don't care if it's true or not. All I know is that I have absolutely split my sides laughing at this thread!

Fair enough Evangeline, I'm happy you're happy God knows we all need a bloody laugh

@Lupinhere37 Be careful finding this thread amusing, @LineyAgain might get mad and dispute your intellect 😆

.

Gosh, some of you know some very stereotypical old people.

I once got locked between an inside and outside front door. I'd been out for drinks with people I worked with, and they all decided to go home about an hour before my train was due. So I went to the pub next door because I knew another colleague was a regular -and heavy- drinker there. Long story short, I missed my train, and all the next ones, so he said I could stay at his. He had the couch, I had his bed. Any way, after about an hour I decided I'd get a taxi home, got up and dressed as quietly as someone who's rat-arsed drunk can, although as I was to discover, colleague was deep in drunken slumber by that time. Wrote a note to explain I'd gone, opened inside door which was a yale, shut it quietly behind me and then discovered that I couldn't get out the outside door which needed a key to unlock. No key. I was trapped in a space about 18"wide between the two doors! Damn near broke the glass panel on the inside door hammering on before colleague appeared and let me out.

Phew!

Still shudder to think about that one.

"80 yr olds don't have micro chips and pot noodles. That's teen food."

My dad has microwave chips and many frozen meals that can be microwaved. He doesn't have pot noodles, but that's because it would be classified as "forrin food" and he doesn't really like much that isn't meat and 2 veg style - but he does have tinned Irish stew and the like. Fresh veg and meat - nae chance. He's in his 80s.

Seeingadistance That is exactly our front door configuration. Inside yale, outside lock. We have a key to each door ingeniously hidden in the porch in case anyone should get stuck.

I miss the old posters like marmaladecatkins she had really funny stories.

Posters these days don't even try and make it believable.

Totally believable, would be far more exciting if made up. Having once been locked in public loo for 2 hours myself makes it easier to believe!

I couldn't get out of my house if the doors were locked/keys taken. Windows have locks and all the ones big enough to fit through are locked and the key put away if we are going on holiday.

What time are you meant to feed the fish at?

More importantly, have you fed the fish at all since being there??

Posters these days don't even try and make it believable.

I agree, but tbh they don't really need to, given the amount of people who jump up and down like happy clappy seals, declaring this sort of thing as the best thread ever, while all the OPs have to do is think of delaying tactics to keep the thread going.

Still, horses for courses and all that.

I got locked in a folly once. A friend knew the trustee, had a key. We went up at night, a group of us (party, drink had been taken). I fell asleep (tired, and a bit drunk). They all left, I was behind the trapdoor, no one spotted me. I woke up a bit later - bit quiet - no one around! felt my way downstairs (god it was dark) and then couldn't get out! It was that dark, it made no difference if my eyes were open or shut, except I could just see the keyhole.
No mobile phones then either.
They eventually realised I was missing and came back to find me - I wasn't too bothered, especially when I realised I had keys for the party host's flat, but I was busting for the loo!

Blimey, you couldn't make it up ............ oh hang on