My neighbours are thick as fuck! I'm stuck in their house!

[squattingposition]

I can't even understood what's happened!! They've locked me in their house and set the alarm! What the fuck do I do now ???

I feel like this could be made into an agatha raisin book!!

This is a great "how we met" story if you end up marrying George Clooney!

Waves at the DM journo

There was a young lady named squat
Who rode to the neighbors to plot
To marry a man
Who arrived in his van
Barring house keys! He was HOT

After hours trapped in there I would be leaving pronto. Don't you and your friend have a life to get back to? Kids? Jobs?

This is all very unsettling. another claustrophobic person here realising if my husband accidentally locked me in without keys I'd be trapped

I much prefer Zebra's poem ending on "and we talked about pies"

My dad and his thick partner once got locked in a new car right at the back of a car showroom, then the bloke started turning lights off and locking up. They left a choice voicemail on the previous owners phone (obtained from some paperwork in the car) about how there was going to be two dead bodies in the car by the morning!

80 yr olds don't have micro chips and pot noodles. That's teen food.

Anyhoo. On with the fiction story.

80 yr olds don't have micro chips and pot noodles. That's teen food.

My Grandma used to bloody love findus crispy pancakes and micro chips for tea. Totally old people food. She said all those years she'd spent slaving over the stove when she could have been eating questionable beige stuff and watching Emmerdale. My Mum used to go nuts when I stayed over at my Gran's and spent the entire weekend off my tits on Irn Bru and e-numbers.

Sorry - just to clarify - this is all bollocks isn't it?

This is the best thing I have ever read in my entire life.

Stranger things have happened! A few years ago I had just sold my flat to a lady, who then managed to lock herself in the flat, and was unable to get out (and she had keys!). She rang me to let her out and we were still on our way to our new house in the removals van. A true story (unlike this one).

An ex once locked me in his house, he left for work, locked the door and forgot to post the key through the letter box. He'd been doing DIY so I picked up a plank and smashed a window (they didn't open). 😂

shiver big hairy ones

Other way round to op...

My auntie and uncle came over to UK from Canada to visit when my dad was diagnosed with cancer. At the time dad was still going to radiotherapy daily, and on this particular day was also scheduled for an urgent ultrasound at the DVT clinic, DVT was duly identified and so started a long day of being moved around the hospital for further tests and prescriptions etc to be arranged.

Meanwhile... As we were leaving my auntie and uncle, still in their dressing gowns (recovering from jet lag) came out to wave us off as we left for the hospital. Front door swung shut behind them, and it is one of those stupid locks that locks automatically (apparently not common in Canada, and not one I'd choose to have either). So there they are in dressing gowns having had no breakfast, parents dog stuck in the house, mobile phones locked in house and no idea of which neighbours my parents were friendly with, in order to ask for help/ spare keys. So that ended up at the house opposite (lovely kind family originally from Hong Kong fed then breakfast... Then lunch...). So my auntie rang the hospital who tracked down my dad from one department to another, and eventually at about 4pm they got hold of us and were sent spare keys care of my mum's friend down the next road.

Not the best first day back in the UK for them.

When I'm 80, I'll think the best thing I read in my entire life isn't a fucking mumsnet thread.

I know someone who got stuck in a nightclub loo. She went in for a piss. Had a cheeky drunken nap. Her battery ran out so she just had to wait.
The cleaners found her in the morning, she said she just decided to style it out. She put her heels back on and walked past them they were like

Why would an v.elderly couple move to a detached house in a remote location. Wouldn't it make more sense to downsize to somewhere near facilities, shops and drs and that sort of thing.

Although i did see a horror film with a really similar plot. Check out the bedrooms, and if you see any lifelike dolls, run!

As a poor student, I lived in a very lovely falling apart old house. One of the boys broke the front door Yale so we were reduced to using the Chubb which of course needed locking/unlocking to get in/out. A mate's ONS overnight guest climbed out of the sash window to escape!

In Halls another time, one guy was notorious for sleepwalking. Leaving through the doors, they clicked open. Trying to get back through, you needed a key card. He woke up before hitting the last door, naked, unable to get back through, so curled up and went to sleep, where we found him the next morning still fast asleep! Obviously, everyone got all the others to come and see before waking him up. He was a big rugby playing type, very good looking

Grief, exactly. Plus, why would a very elderly couple be buying loads of new Ikea furniture? All elderly people I have ever known have had lovely solid furniture that they have accumulated in their lives. They're not fresh out of their parents' place and kitting out their first home.

There's more holes in this story than Richard's string vest.

Although through no fault of her own she's had to pee in their garden

And any last remnant of credibility flew out the window at this update

This is the best thing I have ever read in my entire life

Seriously????

If this gets into Classics I'm going to appeal the decision.