My neighbours are thick as fuck! I'm stuck in their house!

[squattingposition]

I can't even understood what's happened!! They've locked me in their house and set the alarm! What the fuck do I do now ???

Oh my

youarenotkidding loved your story.

Good work OP hoping for a diagram

I think it's unkind to describe people in their 80s, who left to get on a coach - that you knew about - while you were in their bog, as 'thick as fuck' actually.

Wow squats! He is the double of George Clooney!

Well yeah tricky even I can laugh about it now. But at the time I wasn't sure if I wanted to kill XP for being a twat or guardia civil man for letting me attempt to explain the problem in Spanish when he could speak fluent English

Are you sure this isn't a dream OP?

so I've so far had some micro chips and a pot noodle

If they are going on holiday for long enough to need their fish feeding then they've probably used up all their fresh food.

My mum locked me in once. Yale lock, she deadlocked it and the button won't move from the inside once deadlocked.
I tried to get out the back door but it had swollen up in the damp and was wedged shut.
Had to call a friend and post my keys out through the letter box to her.

AM I the only one thinking these doors are a fire hazard? 🔥

"I wouldn't expect them to have mobiles given their age"

Yeah, right.

Says more about you than about octogenarians.

to poems.

I'll start.

There was a young lady called Squat
Keys to her neighbours, have she did not
So she charged up her phone
Went on MN, had a moan
And we talked about pies

Bravo Zebra! A noble effort and it scans beautifully.

Oh bugger it I managed to miss off the important last two words!!
We talked about pies, a lot

I got locked in a school I was working in once. The caretaker forgot me in the mobile and went home locking the gates. I didn't have his number so had to ring the Head to ring him.

Some elderly neighbours of mine locked themselves out of the house but inside the porch IYSWIM so they completely stuck. I noticed them when I was walking home from work but my phone battery was flat so I had to quickly pop home to charge it up a bit so they could use it to call their daughter. I was 15 minutes maximum and when I returned the neighbour from across the road was literally posting sandwiches through the letterbox to them.

Brilliant! I totally believe it.

😂😂 Oscillationss

I got locked in a graveyard once. With my car. I had to walk out of the pedestrian gate, cross a duel carriageway & ask the garage to call the council.

Then I had to sit in the car inside the gates in the dark as I didn't have much fuel & didn't want a flat battery.

When the lady arrived with the keys she said you weren't there when I locked up. I drove the whole way round to check.

So I said how the fuck do you think I got my car inside the locked gates? 🤔

Funny thread.

Someone posted earlier about the front door being locked from outside only now, and inside are thumb turns.

I am so going to do this soon. Fire escape screams at me having read this thread.

Are you out yet OP? And more importantly did you get fit grandsons number?

I can't see the pic on my laptop. Is it really George Clooney?

Sometimes I like to squat, put my hands on the floor and lean forward.

Because that's how I roll

This is excellent!

Yay glad you are finally free!

Also glad you don't seem to have children so haven't had to organise garden games whilst shouting through the letter box, or even worse, breast feeding through a utility room window whilst friend holds baby above her head...

Sat at the table with George clooney eating scones and drinking wine this is turning into the best day ever pmsl!!!

He's told his grandparents he's sleeping here so he doesn't have to drive all the way back

We are his guests now

More Scones? Do they have a Beadle's about style factory churning them out in the kitchen?