My neighbours are thick as fuck! I'm stuck in their house!

[squattingposition]

I can't even understood what's happened!! They've locked me in their house and set the alarm! What the fuck do I do now ???

You went round and had three cups of coffee and a poo while they were trying to get ready to go on holiday?! I'd bloody well lock you in if it was me!

Have you dialled 101, or was your only thought on being locked inside someone else's house, to log into Mumsnet, change your nickname and start a thread?

This. Absolutely just this!!!!!

My life is so boring! Why does shit like this never happen to me.

If you get hungry leave the fish until last.

How do people exist like this? Do you seriously have no clue what to do OP ?

I love this thread. It's the type of situation that should be a Mr Bean sketch.

😂 Love the dramatic '1% bye for now folks'!

dun dun dur

Seeing as you allegedly had 3 cups of coffee and a poo I'd say you've already made yourself at home so now you can take full advantage. Pop the kettle on and settle down in front of the box. 😄

For me it would be Option G - hunt for wine

Poor attempt at concealing a placemark

Next time tell them to buy a fish food block that will keep their fish fed for a week.

I find it highly unlikely there isn't a window that opens from the inside, what kind of carnage would there be if there was a fire!

Did you check if the keys are in the fish bowl?

Obviously you should have phoned the coach company to alert them to the fact they had abandoned you. The alarm probably isn't on if you haven't set it off by now, if all else fails just call a lock smith or break a window.

If this had actually happened MN would not be the first port of call when you have 15% battery...but also you have apparently managed to get locked into a house in the space of 5 minutes.

A friend was locked in a community centre after her group left and locked up while she was in the loo.

She posted on her group's FB page for someone to help, but left through a fire exit before anyone noticed.

Diagram or it didn't happen.

Is it really sad that I'm on holiday just now and still want to follow this thread?

In a bizarre way I can kind of see this happening. Elderly couple all flustered and forgetful think they've given op the keys already and don't want to disturb her poo so just leave. Or op was pooing for so long they thought she'd left or forgot she was there..,

Nah - IME 80 year olds don't go on holiday in the middle of the school summer holidays.

I don't believe this but it is entertaining.

You would think not Lizzie but they are probably the same people who go and do their bloody shopping when it is everyone else's lunch hour!

There's really nothing the police can do to help. At best the control room might check for previous calls for a mobile number for th neighbours or family contact details.
Theyll most likely suggest the most sensible option -
Phone a locksmith. Definitely don't phone the fire service have you seen what they do to doors? I don't think they'd come out to a situation like this anyway

Locksmith is definitely the best option

Yes - what sort of fish are they?

Can you post a picture when your phone is charged?

So these octogenarians asked you, who lives 3 miles away, when the bins get collected and to come and feed their fish, rather than asking someone from the village half a mile away..? And you went round and spent what, about 3 hours "collecting a key" and having scones and coffee and not getting in their way at all while they rushed around to get ready for their holiday? Then they forgot you'd been in their house for the last 3 hours and happened to leave you locked in there while you went for a shit? And you think it's your neighbours who are thick as fuck?

Oh come the fuck along, this is the stupidest attempt at storytelling I've heard.

Find the biscuits.
Old people always have biscuits.

Oh come the fuck along, this is the stupidest attempt at storytelling I've heard.

I was deleted for saying something similar in much blunter terms. So I'll stick with you and say that though it sounds very far fetched and patently untrue stranger things have happened.

Will the friend bring her charger?
Can she ever find a way to escape?
Are the fish ever going to be ok without their elderly owners?
Will her head/faghand fir through the window?

Next time on locked in the neighbours house. DUN DUN DUN

Sorry squatting I know it's not funny but I couldn't resist.

Don't you have a contact number for the neighbours?

Ginky 😂 😂 😂

Interesting blatant placemarking