Don't want my 2 year old to wear a kilt. AIBU?

[PinkyPie2012]

We are invited to a Scottish wedding of a family member, my DS will be 2 years old at the time of the wedding. My DH is Scottish, I am not. Bride and groom are insisting all men must wear kilts including children. I personally do not like kilts, they are also not exactly cheap to buy, feels like waste of money to me especially for a toddler who will wear it once and then it is going to be too small. Shouldn't people be allowed to wear whatever they want or can afford to a wedding? AIBU?

You realise most lots of Scottish posters moderate their language on here so that they are understood. In "real" life they use Scottish words at all times except when they are talking to mostly non Scottish speakers. It's not cliche it's just that it's rare that they actually get to talk in the way that they find natural and normal.

This is very true. And I know exactly when I started to moderate my speech like this. I was in 2nd year at school and I said something about having to redd up. My English teacher, who was excellent and interested in dialects, commented on what I'd said - not in a bad way - and the girl who sat next to me - whose parents weren't Scottish, said that she very often didn't know what I was talking about when I used Scottish words. Until then, I wasn't even aware that I was using "Scottish words". I was just speaking. A couple of weeks later, another, less excellent teacher, marked me down for using the word "stour" in a piece of creative writing.

OP do you like the people who are getting married?

If yes, then just spend £10 on a kilt for your DS because it's what they want and it's their wedding day. £10 is not a lot of money to spend to go along with someone's wishes on their special day.

If no, don't go to their wedding. They should spend the day with people who like them, people who won't feel aggrieved at following a dress code.

Problem solved.

PinkyPie I'm not Scottish so feel free to ignore me. If it were me I would be tempted to get a kilt for the little lad but I also really dislike being told what to wear! The dress code is usually smart or casual, not specific.

I'm not sure anyone will make a fuss and if the bride and groom feel very upset at a two year old boy not in a kilt, well that seems a bit of a shame. But I guess I'd be tempted to go with the flow.

You haven't said what your dh will be wearing. And if your dh does feel strongly about your son wearing a kilt then it would be possible for your dh to find and buy one, not sure it should automatically be your responsibility to comply with the dress code on his behalf.

Hope the wedding goes well.

Your DS is part Scottish. Why don't you want him to wear a kilt, truly? It could well be taken as a statement that you dislike Scottish cultural wear. & that is not pleasant at all. If you've looked into it you will realise kilts for toddlers aren't expensive. I hope your DS gets to explore and love his heritage as he get older. - both sides of his heritage

Do we really need the endless use of 'wee'? Okay. You're Scottish. We get it.

Please let me know when you're in Northern Ireland. I'd like to see your face when you get asked if you want a wee bag, plate, tissue etc. or get handed your wee receipt,

My 3 year old son totally flipped out when it came to dressing him in a kilt for a family wedding so personally I think the waistcoat sounds a better option. Seeing which he will tolerate might be better as I doubt he's had any formal clothes yet at 2. We did manage it and it was for my Mum really as it was her clan. I still have the kilt somewhere so have you thought of asking if there is a child's kilt anywhere in the family you can borrow,
you are right they are expensive so I kept mine just in case.
Ironically my son is now studying in Scotland and very happy!

PinkyPie I'm not Scottish so feel free to ignore me. If it were me I would be tempted to get a kilt for the little lad but I also really dislike being told what to wear! The dress code is usually smart or casual, not specific.

Yet we still dress-up for weddings as it's the social consensus that people dress-up for weddings. Also, you're expected not to wear an all black attire or a white dress for traditional weddings. So if you dislike being told what to wear, would you ignore the dress code f a special occasion or for work? Or is it simply that the OP doesn't give a fuck about the cultural traditions of her husband's nation and wants to make it shown?

I'm Scottish and I'm not keen on wee ones in kilts. They always look so uncomfortable imo - itchy wool and socks that keep falling down! I'd go with smart chinos and a polo shirt for a wee one. Much more practical, and comfortable.

Clandestino your post is really aggressive. Did you mean it to come across in this way?

I am not sure why cultural expectations here are being landed at the door of a two year old.

But as you ask, I would dress smart for a wedding, unless told not to. I did wear very dark blue to a wedding once as I was pregnant, huge, and had very little else to wear that was smart. But generally I would avoid black at a wedding (or white) and would follow guidance at a funeral.

I dislike being told that everyone has to wear a set thing. I dislike being told my kids have to wear a set thing. Maybe the OP feels like that. Maybe it's not specifically about a kilt, but even if it is, so what. She clearly loves someone Scottish.

So, I find the idea of saying every male at a wedding must wear a kilt very prescriptive, and although I may think it was great to dress my son up in a kilt, he may not be happy to wear one. Getting him to put on a shirt instead of a T-shirt for a nice meal was a struggle. And I can remember struggling with my dd at age 4 to wear anything smart to a wedding at all.

So I think a bride and groom being very offended that a small child is not wearing a kilt is very OTT.

And if I were the OP I'd probably leave the details of my son's wedding outfit up to his dad.

But even if she does that, it doesn't mean she "...doesn't give a fuck about the cultural traditions of her husband's nation and wants to make it shown?"

And to take it as such seems very OTT to me.

I think nobody will really care what a 2 year old wears at a wedding other than the OP and her husband. Toddlers often have other ideas about dress codes.

OP I wish that I could post a picture of my gorgeous nephew at 2 looking utterly adorable in a kilt, but this one from google will have to do. I mean come on how can you resist that I'm just gonna say it - is it because you see it as a skirt? It's really not!

Also, re the potty training - accidents are equally as messy if they're in trousers or skirts/kilts, thanks to gravity the piss is gonna go on the floor regardless.

BTW I love the Scottish camaraderieon this thread!
One person: I don't like Scottish dialect and think you Scottish people should stop
Scots: FUCK OFF YOU WEE TWAT

I think as varvara says above that it's basically just a load of bollocks affectation that can come with a hefty price tag.

coughlaughfart you'd love me. I'm half Scottish half NI so I "wee" all over the place as standard you hostile bastard

Cherry that little boy looks absolutely gorgeous, but I reckon he would look cute in anything.

Do we really need the endless use of 'wee'?

Reminds me of the story about the Scot who was fined for contempt of court for using the word "aye"

Varvara you're right, lots of the older generation think it's pretentious bollocks to wear a kilt and hate the new custom of wearing them to weddings. My dad is Scottish, him and my granddad would've begged not to have to wear them. Actually my dad would if he was asked but my granddad would've refused point blank.

I think a 2 year old would look cute in anything but I like the sound of a tartan waistcoat.

I always managed to change my daughters nappy when she wore a skirt, so no big deal there.

Whats the thought pattern behind making a stand at a wedding re a traditional and cultural dress style? Its not a novelty fashion fancy dress costume. If you can't do this for 1 day not to mention your DS has Scottish heritage whether you like it or not, and your DH is Scottish (does he know and agree with how you feel?! ) it would be nice to get into the spirit of the day. Unless of course you don't like the bride or like being bolshy about weddings. The Pest Guest.

You can get a kilt £15 max for a toddler and if you search around your DH can get one pretty cheaply for himself too, you are I'm sure fully aware you don't have to hire

I always think small private weddings are best so someone can't use your day to make a snotty passive aggressive stand about something or other

YABU and very rude about cultural dress. Don't put your DS in a kilt then but don't go and turn your nose up at it all. I reckon you'll be put right in your place forthwith if you try that one

Wee ones in kilts are super cute! coughlaugh you're being a bit of a 'wee' nyaff!!

I have friends married to Indian men. They're expected to wear traditional dress for part of the wedding, which often goes on for days and therefore needs multiple outfits. I'm struggling to get het up about the request to wear a kilt.

YANBU. I can't see how you are tbh.

Are we really going the "you have to be sensitive to the cultural differences" with this one? If OP's family are anything like mine, this kilt wearing is an ancient tradition spanning... one generation. None of my parents' siblings got married in kilts but when it came to the cousins suddenly it was like fucking Braveheart.

We picked up a kilt on eBay for DS when he was 2, it was about £7 with postage. It wasn't quite the right tartan but no one cared as he looked very cute in it. We could have resold it but we didn't, we kept it as a momento for a fab day and a reminder that he once wore a kilt.

My DH is Scottish, I am not
I personally do not like kilts

And what does your DH think? Or isn't he allowed an opinion?

Is your son DH's son as well? Or isn't he allowed to dress him for one day?

You sound controlling

Tartan trews are better on wee ones. My ds worn them at our wedding, same as my fil, as ds wanted to be the same as his grandfather and fil preferred those, and the rest of the men in wedding party had kilts.

I'm not a fan of kilts at all, I think they look awful and I certainly wouldn't let my son or husband wear one! My husband wears a suit at family events, no one has said anything. No need to follow along like sheep if you don't want to wear something.