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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Don't want my 2 year old to wear a kilt. AIBU?

524 replies

PinkyPie2012 · 06/08/2017 23:55

We are invited to a Scottish wedding of a family member, my DS will be 2 years old at the time of the wedding. My DH is Scottish, I am not. Bride and groom are insisting all men must wear kilts including children. I personally do not like kilts, they are also not exactly cheap to buy, feels like waste of money to me especially for a toddler who will wear it once and then it is going to be too small. Shouldn't people be allowed to wear whatever they want or can afford to a wedding? AIBU?

OP posts:

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Borodin · 08/08/2017 22:18

Whiterabbitears

I'm sorry, I'm trying really hard to explain myself and I don't want to flood this thread!

Heritage is heritage regardless of age and wearing a kilt is not the same as a toddler girl wearing a bikini, I'm afraid I don't see the comparison.

Let's try this. Imagine that the boy was newborn: at that stage when they're both ugly and amazing, blow bubbles, sleep all the time and rarely open their eyes even if awake, and twist their limbs about without knowing how to use them. Would you put a kilt on someone like that? I doubt it.

So between newborn and 2 years old, you would say that a baby boy passes an age when he should wear a kilt to a wedding, right? And it's there that we disagree.

First of all, the boy wouldn't be wearing a proper kilt. He would have some token tartan, perhaps in the form of an elasticated skirt. As soon as it's "token tartan" and "not a kilt", the lad may as well wear anything that displays the family colours, such as a cap, a badge, or a waistcoat. Tartan is very flexible.

Notrightnowww · 08/08/2017 22:21

Argh! I'm on YANBU side as no one should stipulate what guests wear to weddings. But I'm Scottish, so don't start calling them skirts and therefore for girls!

Yes, they are traditional dress for boy/men, and yes it's downright rude to insult Scottish men wearing a kilt by saying it's 'girls clothes'. My ds has and will wear a kilt (he likes it) but I still think the wedding party shouldn't dictate to guests!

tanfield90 · 08/08/2017 22:25

Adorable. Cute. Whatever. I'm no fan of children but they are still people and I get very annoyed when adults consider it acceptable to strip them of what dignity they have for the sake of an irksome outfit and photographs that soppy twats can coo over.

And it's still a bloody skirt, wherever in the world you are.

movingalong · 08/08/2017 22:27

You can get little tartan knickerbockers, when my son was 8 months I substituted those instead of a kilt and he wore them with long socks with matching tartan flashings and a top that had a little frill. So cute!

tanfield90 · 08/08/2017 22:28

Whiterabbitears. I'm not as eloquent as you but I think we're on the same wavelength.

FelicityFucknickle · 08/08/2017 22:28

The second thing is that, at two years old, he is very close to having a point of view of his own about what he wears. Is it at all right to dress him up so that all the ladies point and "aww" at him in the church, when we wouldn't even think about dressing up a teenage girl so that all the men do the same thing?
I think you're finding it hard to explain yourself because your point is so tenuous. You appear to be suggesting that there is a reasonable comparison between dressing a toddler in traditional attire for a family wedding and objectifying teenage girls for the gratification of men.
I can appreciate that many people object to decorating babies, small children, pets in such a way as could be seen to interrupt their dignity (thinking; dog in a santa hat, baby in pumpkin costume) I don't see what that has to do with the sexual objectifiaction of teenagers by men.

FelicityFucknickle · 08/08/2017 22:31

And I think that suggesting they are synonymous is missing the point in so many ways it's alarming.

Whiterabbitears · 08/08/2017 22:38

Borodin I'm sure the bride would not expect a new born or even a baby of a few months old to wear a kilt but this boy is two that's entirely different. Maybe he would be upset to be excluded from wearing the kilt if his dad/cousins/uncles etc are wearing it, little ones often want to copy what the older ones are wearing, its not just about making ladies go aww, it's including him as part of the wedding.

Dressing up teenage girls for men? Yuck! That's not relevant here and is pretty gross actually. You keep trying to link it to sexualizing children and its just not the same thing.

It's up to the parents but it would please the bride and groom and its just for a few hours, stop trying to make it seem indecent.

Daphne22 · 08/08/2017 22:40

Yes you are being unreasonable, he isn't only your son and it isn't only your Wedding it's both you and your Fiance. It's either your way or highway, a good way to start a marriage?? Don't bother to get married especially to a kilt loving Scot, stupid person!

mummmy2017 · 08/08/2017 22:43

So Pink you have decided, that's fine.
Have a good wedding.

NanooCov · 08/08/2017 22:49

I'm astounded at the number of people stating that every male will be wearing a kilt because it's a wedding in Scotland. Bullshit. I've been to over 20 weddings in Scotland (including my own) and while there were a fair number of kilted males in attendance, there were equally many in more typical lounge suits. A friend wore a fantastic velvet jacket and trousers to mine. It's not a uniform or a requirement of being Scottish. The bride will get over her crushing disappointment of a toddler not toeing the line regarding the dress code.

Borodin · 08/08/2017 23:08

FelicityFucknickle

You wrote:

You appear to be suggesting that there is a reasonable comparison between dressing a toddler in traditional attire for a family wedding and objectifying teenage girls for the gratification of men.

As far as I understood, the complaint is about objectifying any human being for any purpose at all.

Are you really saying that you're fine with objectification as long as it's not males objectifying females of any age? So the objectification of baby males by adult females is fine because they say that it's non-sexual? This is very slippery ground.

Borodin · 08/08/2017 23:17

NanooCov

I'm astounded at the number of people stating that every male will be wearing a kilt because it's a wedding in Scotland. Bullshit.

The OP said "Wedding is in another country", so it's a wedding outside the country (and I doubt if she meant Wales) where one of the invited family is Scottish. I don't think we've been told about the origins of the wedding couple.

Ohbehave1 · 08/08/2017 23:19

Are people still Ridiculously calling Kilts skirts? Are people really that stupid? A kilt is a price of clothing worn by a male.

This really is daft. It's not stripping the child of dignity. If the child sees daddy in a kilt he will
Probably love dressing like him.

And I still say that the OP is only using this as an excuse because they don't want to follow "instructions "

Borodin · 08/08/2017 23:23

FelicityFucknickle

It has never been "traditional" (or "heritage") anywhere to dress two-year-olds in a kilt. Toddler children are members of the family and should not be decorated and offered for the delight and consumption of the adults.

I am ashamed of you.

Borodin · 08/08/2017 23:33

Ohbehave1

Are people still Ridiculously calling Kilts skirts? Are people really that stupid? A kilt is a price of clothing worn by a male.

This really is daft. It's not stripping the child of dignity. If the child sees daddy in a kilt he will Probably love dressing like him.

Do you really imagine that the boy would be wearing a real scaled-down kilt? That is nonsense; he would have a tiny tartan skirt made to look like daddy for the adoration of the audience.

At two years old, he will desperately want to please the people that he relies on to keep him alive, and he will be most thrilled that mummy and daddy smile at him, whatever he is wearing. He would happily dress as a demon from hell as long as it bought him approval. He obviously shouldn't be manipulated while he is so extremely vulnerable.

Abbylee · 08/08/2017 23:34

Grow up and realize that the way that you are acting hurts your husband and son!! At some point you are going to want his family to think fondly of you and pettiness is not going to help. As a wife and mother, you will have many years of people requesting or telling you to do things...choose battles. They are asking you to be part of the family. Do you realize that you are lucky? My in-laws would like to leave me home! Buy Big Girl Panties and a little boy kilt.

squoosh · 08/08/2017 23:35

Grow up and realize that the way that you are acting hurts your husband and son!!

Borodin · 08/08/2017 23:45

Abbylee

I wish I could do the emojis! squoosh has all the right moves, so imagine her performance while I say this:

At some point you are going to want his family to think fondly of you and pettiness is not going to help

So "growing up" means doing what it takes to get his family on side, right? I'm sorry if I'm wrong, but that's the only way I can read that. And it makes me so very sad.

Please don't compromise your own values just to stay in favour with your partner's family.

CoughLaughFart · 09/08/2017 01:08

How does your son feel about it?

He's 2.

Borodin · 09/08/2017 02:53

CoughLaughFart

How does your son feel about it?

He's 2.

I would guess that was a fart, as it doesn't fit the other two?

GwenStaceyRocks · 09/08/2017 03:14

Ah the annual 'kilts are skirts no they are not and skirts are for girls they are for everyone ' thread. I didn't realise it was that time of year already
I am laughing at the added twist of 'you're imposing your clothing choices on a 2-yr-old'. Show me a 2-yr-old who makes their own clothing purchases and choices...
OP if you'd go to a black tie event in jeans then extend your cavalier attitude to dress codes to the wedding and refuse the kilt. The family won't care. You won't be that important in the grand scheme of their day.
The fact that you and your DP can turn a wedding clothing choice into an area of conflict is more concerning.

LilyAraminta · 09/08/2017 03:46

If you loathe kilts so much, are you going to be unkind/unattracted to DH when he wears one for the wedding? It's clearly important and special to him and his family, as he is choosing to hire/transport/wear one, and I am curious how you reconcile his desire to wear one (and sounds like he'd like his son to wear one) with you putting your foot down over the matter.
I ask because my husband and I are from different heritages, and I'd be hard pressed to refuse to dress our child in matching traditional dress for a family wedding on his side where it had been made clear that was important to the bride and groom.
It almost seems like a weird power play. Maybe DH's family hasn't been welcoming or kind towards you so there is some resistance?

Italiangreyhound · 09/08/2017 05:07

LilyAraminta "If you loathe kilts so much, are you going to be unkind/unattracted to DH when he wears one for the wedding?" That sounds a bit ridiculous, do you really think the OP will be unkind to her husband because he chooses to wear a kilt to a wedding?

Whether she finds him attractive in his kilt is totally up to her, no one gets to tell the OP what she should find attractive.

I am still not sure why the OP is expected to source this garment. I actually think it would be a quite a fun outing to go together with dad and the child and choose the kilt and all the bits. But if the OP doesn't want to go I am sure her dh could.

Ohbehave1 · 09/08/2017 06:49

Borodin. Now you are the clothing police are you? If it looks like a kilt it's a kilt. And even if it were a skirt what would be wrong with that. Are they exclusively for woman.

It seems, like the OP, you are deliberately trying to say that a) you hate kilts. B) you think they are skirts and c) skirts are only for woman.

Fine with a. I don't like dungarees. But the other 2? What utter tosh.

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