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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My girlfriend ditches my hen to go with husband to stag do: AIBU to consider dis-inviting them to the wedding?

379 replies

Restlessandwild · 06/08/2017 20:24

Still trying to process but there it is. Last night was my hen do. Same time as my DHTB stag. All arranged long ago in my home town. Said friend invited to hen do, her DH to stag. They don't know my DHTB well but we have been friends since late teens (am 30yrs old). Her husband confirmed stag do attendance straight away. She made excuses (kids, etc) reg my hen. Today I find from other stags, etc that she actually tagged along with her DH with the stags?!? The only one there not a stripper and a wife, etc. Feel terrible, since they are essentially MY friends, but I had no idea. Just feel like picking up the phone and telling them to get lost and not bother coming to the wedding now... AIBU?

OP posts:
TwoLeftSocks · 07/08/2017 13:21

I wonder if she had major stripper issues, I know it can be a problem between couples, maybe she wanted to be sure her partners eyes were averted.

T.L.Socks,
A* for cakes, F- for juggling.

GlitterGlassEye · 07/08/2017 14:34

Please don't message her. She lied to you about a babysitter then had the nerve to go to your dh's stag do. She seemed pretty dismissive when you asked her about it too Hmm. She won't care and will probably think you are jealous of her so don't feed her ego by sending her a message.

I'd walk away from this person, she sounds quite selfish and completely disregarded you.

Yours sincerely

G.G. Eye
Miss Seton Sands 1993
Spelling Champion 1999

rightwhine · 07/08/2017 14:41

No she's no real friend. But you should tell her that the blokes were not fine with it and that you are upset she doesn't think enough of you to want to come out with you.
Fair enough if she didn't go out at all but not to do this.

Either disinvite or let slide after the wedding if you don't want the drama.

QueenofallIsee · 07/08/2017 14:43

I think I would gloss over what the stags thought (cos she is clearly one of those who would claim that you were 'just jealous of me hun') and say how hurt you are that she would sack off your hen in favour of tagging after her husband.

Evangeline3 · 07/08/2017 14:44

@MartinJD
I don't understand how that makes her child-like.
I'd be so annoyed and perplexed at the situation.
Very dishonest and disloyal.
She doesn't deserve to be your friend let alone invited to your wedding.
I would, however, question her about it first.

VestalVirgin · 07/08/2017 15:12

To clarify: there was a stripper at your fiancé's stag do?

Well, there you have your answer; she probably compromised, not wanting him to watch strippers, but also not wanting to forbid him from going.

YABU for marrying a man who would have a stripper on his stag do.

I'd show understanding for the friend who was put in a difficult situation by your decision to marry a man who would have a stripper on his stag do, but then, I'd not plan to marry a man who does such things in the first place.

WeDoNotSow · 07/08/2017 15:15

Is he unreasonable for marrying OP, seeing as she has a stripper too Vestal?

VestalVirgin · 07/08/2017 15:23

I just got to that part of the thread, WeDo, and I think they are both unreasonable and therefore deserve each other.

However, they are also unreasonable to expect people to come to their respective hen and stag dos.

I might have preferred the stag do, too ... naked women I often see in public changing rooms and showers, I can deal with that. Much less embarrassing than naked males.

But, joke aside, I'd have made excuses for both me and my husband.

Fortunately I have no friends who'd ever put me into such a situation; I am pretty sure none of my friends would want strippers at their hen do. (One tolerated her husband going to a strip club but no one is perfect, and it is she who has to live with the man)

GreenTulips · 07/08/2017 15:28

One tolerated her husband going to a strip club

Oh dear!

How old are you? What do you think happens when a stripper does a stag/hen? It's just a bit of fun!!

VestalVirgin · 07/08/2017 15:34

How old are you? What do you think happens when a stripper does a stag/hen?

Stripping, obviously. Confused

Are you trying to pretend they just all play cards together, or what?

I wasn't born yesterday, you know?

GreenTulips · 07/08/2017 15:37

But your attitude was

thepondstakemanhatten · 07/08/2017 15:48

She sounds like a bit of a twat if I'm honest - loving these signoffs though!

Kind regards,

Miss Pond

Air Cadet Corporal
Blue Communications Badge
First Aid Trained
School Prefect 2011-2012

JovialNickname · 07/08/2017 15:49

Only here for the sign off

Yours

J. N. Name
A general who became a slave. A slave who became a gladiator. A gladiator who defied an emperor.
(Also holder of Blue Peter badge)

PumbletonWakeshaft · 07/08/2017 16:28

YANBU she's incredibly rude. Forget about her OP. Focus on your wedding and drop her afterwards.

I remain your devoted servant,
Pumbleton
1 width with armbands, 1985

Willow2017 · 07/08/2017 16:44

'You would have made excuses for your husband'???

Can't he make a decision and speak up for himself? What if he didn't want to miss his friends stag night would you have told his friend he wasnt allowed to come.

Both the ops friend and get dh were invited to separate things both were aware of the strippers. Tagging along yo me to an eye on your oh is pathetic and inviting yourself to a male only night out is entitled and selfish

BTW what happened to men's back bones these days? She should have been told where to go and not been allowed to spoil someone else's night over her own sense of importance.

Willow2017 · 07/08/2017 16:48

To keep an eye on.

sourgrapes28 · 07/08/2017 16:49

I was wondering that myself willow2017, why didn't any of the other men tell her she wasn't invited and to go home?

imablackstarnotapopstar · 07/08/2017 16:58

Vestal Virgin OP also had a stripper at her hen do. It's called having a larf!

Regards
The Rt Hon Lady BlackStar of Bowhemia
LoM, ZS, SM
Honorary Bowie Groupie 1985

brightlightceiling · 07/08/2017 16:59

Gosh, it does sound strange and I would definately ask some questions. I can't imagine going to a stag do on purpose.

I accidentally ended up on a stag do once (well part of it) as both the hen and the stag dinners were miles apart in the middle of nowhere and for some reason DP got lost. I ended up going to the stag dinner because the alternative was sitting alone in a field waiting till they were done. We explained the whole mess but it was fine. The groom was originally my friend so we joked about it. After dinner the stag and hen party was going to be in the same city in different places so I joined the hen as soon as possible so the boys could do their own thing. I would never have made this decision on purpose! It was more than ten years ago and they are still one of my best friends.

Leapfrog44 · 07/08/2017 17:42

WOW that is SO out of order but I'll bet there's a story behind it. Bet whs was worried her partner would be up to no good.

BTW I've seen stags (and stag guests) have sex with prostitutes so she was probably too jealous and insecure to let him go!

If it was for any other reason I'd tell her to fuck off - friendship over.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/08/2017 17:46

Sounds like she has control issues, and wanted to check up on her husband. You just do not don't his, bet he was popular.

bettytaghetti · 07/08/2017 17:47

Please don't disinvite her; as a pp suggested make sure she's on a shit table close to the loos or the kitchen. Text her back that you didn't appreciate her changing the dynamic of your dhtb's stag and ruining the fun for him, he was too polite to complain but others weren't happy.
After the wedding you can distance yourself if you still feel the same.

Fondest,
B. T. Ghetti (Indoor Hockey Captain 1988-9)

ScruffyLookingNerfHerder · 07/08/2017 17:54

Meh, I'd let it go OP, you'll have bigger things to worry about (wedding plans etc, nothing bad!)

Regards
S.L.N. Herder

MeltingSnowflake · 07/08/2017 18:00

I haven't read the whole thread but I think this is less about her feelings towards you and more about her jealousy/trust issues with her DH.

Don't let it bother you Smile

elfies · 07/08/2017 18:11

A simple note to say how disappointed you were that she preferred alternative company and obviously doesn't rate you and your friends , so could she please consider herself un invited to the wedding as you only wish for the company of true friends
Regards
Elfies , (milk monitor 1958)

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