My girlfriend ditches my hen to go with husband to stag do: AIBU to consider dis-inviting them to the wedding?

[Restlessandwild]

Still trying to process but there it is. Last night was my hen do. Same time as my DHTB stag. All arranged long ago in my home town. Said friend invited to hen do, her DH to stag. They don't know my DHTB well but we have been friends since late teens (am 30yrs old). Her husband confirmed stag do attendance straight away. She made excuses (kids, etc) reg my hen. Today I find from other stags, etc that she actually tagged along with her DH with the stags?!? The only one there not a stripper and a wife, etc. Feel terrible, since they are essentially MY friends, but I had no idea. Just feel like picking up the phone and telling them to get lost and not bother coming to the wedding now... AIBU?

I always forget that too, Fauchelevent. I thought it was going to be some polyamorous drama!

OP, only you can decide how much condemnation she deserves. I hope getting some rest will help with that. It sounds like you've given her a very fair chance at a good friendship with you, which is all she can reasonably ask for. And if she is insecure rather than anything worse, it's her job to explain that to you, rather than have you chase her for answers or put up with her hurtful behaviour.

Whatever course of action you take and whatever her motivations, it's unfair that you're having to give energy to this now.

If her character is as bad as some on here are suggesting, it wouldn't surprise me if that is exactly why she's pushing it at the moment. She might think there's a greater chance of you brushing anything she does that's concerning under the carpet because you want to focus on your wedding.

Disgustedly,

The Rt. Hon. Colonel Sir Meadow of Lark (Mrs.)

P.S. Best of luck. I hope it all works out as well as it can for everyone.

Firstly, Yes Martin.. Fook Cough ! you absolute tool

Forgot the one who said you were childish

You're not

Uninvite and get rid, there's more to life than having to spend a minute more of your life with that 'friend' in it. That is NOT a friend

regards
BS

Did I say Martin.."Fook cough, you tool" ?

Her text needs a follow up, but think yoiure wise leaving it until the morning. I'd also find out exactly what HTB's friends thought-more ammunition.
How did her DH act around her? Especially when the stripper was there?!

Regards,

BF.Goalie
Oxford Reading Tree (Level 11)
Can Parallel Park (with sensors)

Are you serious Martin?
It's a stag do for a reason....not a "Jack's run a shore..."
She is not being childish...and you calling her childish is wrong.
The hen in question seems controling to me...can't stomach to see her school friend happy or close to other galfriends...choses to keep tubs with her husband on a stag...that she was not invited and the fact that they don't know the husband to be very well is pure rude.
Their actions hurt this couple and for that,they should get disinvited!!! And all caution taken for future friendship!
No one needs such selfish kinds in their lives.
Shocking the husband allowed his thorn to tow with him....

Dear OP,

We await your latest update regarding your handling of the situation with baited breath. Kindly respond at your earliest convenience regarding your handling of the issue; has a textual response been sent to said stag-do infiltrator, and if so, what was its content?

Anticipating answers at our behest.

Yours indubitably,
Madam Butterfly
Parker Handwriting Prizewinner (South Eastern region) circa 1998

I can't believe she can't see how upsetting it is for you that she was able to get a babysitter and yet chose to be with husband who was only invited to the stag do as a courtesy.

I think I would have to text her that I was disappointed. I hate couples who can't do anything apart. Does he accompany her to her smear test and hold her knickers for her?

Can't resist finishing this with hope you convey your disappointment
Kindest regards

Countess Pirates
Hogwarts Graduate
Wandlaw Trainee

U need to tell her how upset you were that she choose to go to a stagdo that she was not invited to, instead of your hen do.
If she is a decent friend she will at least apologise. Only u can decide if u want her at the wedding and what kind of friend she has been to u?
She does sound insecure but no need for rudeness.

Yours frozen

Winner of snow sculpture award aged 6

Told this story to my dh I said 'then she went to the stag' he replied 'you mean hen' as it's so unbelievable! Good luck sorting it out. Understandable if you don't want her at the wedding x

Dear R L Wild (BriDE)

Perhaps she wanted to be one of the strippers and bottled it at the last minute?

M L Dragon (family scapegoat)

PS glad it's not just me, who thought Fliss perhaps found some of the comments amusing [Gin]

She sounds like the worst type of friend & a control freak to boot.

Her behaviour is deplorable. Can't understand why nobody on the stag do, didn't pull her up for ruining the night.

I'd uninvite her, she is no friend

I wouldn't get involved in telling her what the stags did or did not think tbh, as since you weren't there it sounds a bit proprietorial and she'll probably put it down to you being jealous of her.
Good point

How are you feeling this morning op?

I would probably feel hurt too, but I hope I'd be able to do a lot of and then park it until well after the wedding.

There are some women other women seem to marginalise from all-female groups btw - it's happened countless times to me and has (in my case) nothing to do with any superior attractiveness. With a few exceptions I often feel like a spare wheel on girls' nights out. The few exceptions are in the same boat, as are my niece and my dsd. I have the age and the thick skin that comes with it to suck it up these days though, thankfully.

I wonder if the "other women are jealous" bs is the friend's way of reconciling herself to being on the fringes?

I also second other posters' concerns that there might be issues with her relationship with her husband.

When I replied before I just missed the 'we don't like to do things separately' text

I think we can say quite confidently that this is their issue, not yours. If this were my friend I think the text I'd send in reply would be something like this:

'I have to be honest with you, I'm quite hurt by all this. You chose to attend a stag do that you weren't invited to, rather than my hen do? And you didn't even think to let me know, even though you must have known I'd hear about it pretty much straight away? I'm sorry but that just seems like really strange behaviour to me, and aside from feeling hurt I'm also a little concerned. I have to ask, is everything OK? Yes, I'm upset but I'm still your friend and I hope you know you can talk to me if you need to.'

Sincerely,

Frieda N. O'Nine
Gold Maths Challenge certificate, 1998

Good message suggestions! ^^

Honestly though I would uninvite her. Has she got form for causing a scene at weddings? I've read so many threads on boards like this about guests who've spoiled or entirely ruined weddings (if you start one on here asking for experiences I'm sure you'll be inundated with stories!) that I really wouldn't take the risk of letting her go to your wedding. Man Woman up now and ditch her or face a possible lifetime of regret everytime you look back on your wedding photos and see this nasty woman who took the shine off your big day.

Well, before I read the updates I was going to suggest extreme jealousy and distrust issues - but then I read the update and thought "ahhhh".

Is her name Liz, by any chance? Or possibly Katie? The fact that she thought she was going to get on better with the blokes says a lot; and the fact that she thinks all of them were happy with her being there says a lot more.

At this stage in the game I really wouldn't uninvite them - but I'd certainly let this be the last time I put any effort into them as friends at all.

Her DH can't be much better than her or he'd have told her not to come. He's probably very proud of his "stunning" wife, and happy to show her off like a trophy to other blokes - sort of "willy-waving" contest. If he'd had any sense at all he'd have told her to butt out.

Damn it - forgot the sign off!

Yours ever
T.Witches, Abroad and at Home
BScMScTEFL

FFS ThumbWithchesAbroad. How the fuck are we supposed to know who is posting if you don't sign off your posts?

IKR?

TWA, Mistress of the antipodes.

Guys, she WAS the stripper!!!
The best man booked a stripper.
Friend fobs off OP with 'babysitter issues' as can't really say she secretly moonlights as a stripper and has been booked that night.
Hen&Stag dos commence.
Friend arrives as Stag's stripper, realises it's OPs DF and can't complete job as DH doesn't know she moonlights either!
Friend slinks into stag group and joins in (no one notices as friend is in usual attire 😝!)
Best man thinks stripper was a no-show.
😱😱😱😱😱

Oops!

S.B. Vira
PhD The Works of Jessica Fletcher

I like Frieda's message suggestion very much.

Is she one of kinds of women?

Eternally yours,

Y. T. Cat Bsc, 25m swimming badge, first aider, BAGA 2 .