To think niece secretly knew she was pregnant?

[Wkdmama]

My niece recently gave birth to a healthy DS. Thing is, she didn't tell anyone she was preggers so we all found out on the day she gave birth. Luckily both are healthy.

No-one else know- we knew she'd put on weight but there was no obvious baby bump. Now I realise she was wearing loose clothes, and she had put on weight rapidly, but I didn't think it was my place to have a conversation about her weight.

My sister- her Mum- is a single parent and my niece's dad has been out of the picture for years. Dad was a total loser and gaslighted sis and niece. Its been very hard for them but I had thought they coped well. Now I worry that actually the pregnancy concealment was deliberate and a cry for help, and I'm also worried by my sister's reaction.

Niece's gran just came out with it and asked niece whether she knew. Niece said no. Gran says 'well didn't you have any symptoms/feel anything moving'- bearing in mind this is 8lb full term baby. Niece says she felt something but home pregnancy test was negative and doctor refused to test for pregnancy because she was on contraception. So- this is where it sounds wrong to me. A doctor wouldn't turn a young female thinking they are preggers away without a test, correct? And then a failed home test when you feel a baby (so quite far into pregnancy)? That sounds like a lie. And the only reason I feel she would lie about not knowing is that really she did know.

Sister seems to just accept this story and hasn't talked to her DD about what happened. She just seems to want to sweep it under the carpet. I have told my sister that she needs to deal with this, maybe with a therapist because something deeper is happening here. Sister just says that niece didn't know and she's happy to leave it at that.

Niece is going to be a great mum, I can see that, I just worry about how something this extreme came about and whether my niece is looking after herself as well as she looks after her new baby.

Question is, AIBU to push sister to talk to niece about this and not just sweep it under the carpet? Or should I mind my own business? And AIBU to think that niece really knew?

How old is your niece? I suspect that's relevant.

Does it matter?

She has a healthy baby, that's all that's important.

To answer your question. Myob - it won't end well..

Tests don't work after a particular point in pregnancy do they?

If she was on contraception, and had never been pregnant before, I can see how it could happen, it's not uncommon.

Could you be more unpleasant?

my young niece did this exact same thing 7 years ago

21, so not a teen but...she's always been young for her age, if you know what I mean. Not very worldly.

Also, her xbf is sort of in the picture, nice enough guy but never seemed to value niece (imho) and don't think they will get together. He wants to be a father to DS which is good.

Does it really matter now the baby is here?

All you can do now is support her as much as possible and be there when she needs it. She has to find her own way and will need guidance but doesn't need to be dictated to about what is right and wrong, especially if there is a risk of alienating her further.

There are many stories of people who didn't know they were pregnant. I'm sure some of them will update here, as it is probably more common than you think.
The Dr hasn't done anything wrong. Your dn said she was on contraception and had a negative pregnancy test, so why would they push for another one? My Dr didn't even test me when I was pregnant, they just based it on my own home test.
Rather than worrying if she was concealing it, focus on supporting her in being the best mum she can be.

It's more than likely she did know, especially in the last few months, but it doesn't really matter now does it? What's done is done and I can't see any good coming from asking her about it. If she knew she was clearly too scared to say or in complete denial.

I think all you can do as a family is try and support her so she can be the best mum she can be, and also let her know that there's nothing she can't come a talk to you about in future.

I think people do give birth without knowing they're pregnant but I think genuine cases are incredibly rare. If you think your neice did know, what would have possessed her to keep quiet? I can't imagine what you must be going through to feel you have to go to such extremes

Does any of that matter any more?
Think you're concentrating on the wrong things

You sound pushy and combative

Keep your nose out. It's your place to offer support when asked for...no more, no less

What difference will it make?

None!!

Leave her alone - she's an adult and it's none of your business

I had a miscarrige when I was 19. I thought I was pregnant but the test said no and being youngish and naive I believed it. So when I went To the toilet some months later thinking I had the worlds worst period, I was a bit surprised and well actually traumatised when a baby dropped out. So cut her some bloody slack.

Phosphorus- I am not trying to be unpleasant she is my niece and I am genuinely concerned, YABU would have been enough to get your point across, thanks.

Amermaid- did it work out okay? Niece has been incredible in new role so far.

I don't think it really matters now. She has enough to cope with, with a new baby, without this being made into a huge issue. For a new mother to be told she must be wrong or fucked up and needs therapy would not be positive.

She's told you she didn't know and that's it. You can't start accusing her of lying and needing help. It won't help her.

X-posted with her age... I thought she was 15/16 going off the OP! Definitely don't say anything, she's an adult it's not your concern at all.

My gp told me the nhs don't fund pregnancy tests as home pregnancy tests are so accurate so that may well be true. I also think the previous poster who said tests don't work after a certain point might be right.
Either way I don't see how you are helping here by accusing her of lying and trying to make your sister feel she has missed something. It sounds like they have enough to deal with without your judginess and accusations don't you?

Thanks everyone- it's been helpful to have your views. I will def keep my nose out. Sometimes when you are too close to something it's difficult to know how to react.

We're a close family and definitely staying supportive for niece.

I don't think it matters now. She had a lovely healthy baby and by your own admission is a great mum. Id leave well alone. I can't see what's to be gained by pushing her to talk. Especially if as she says she genuinely didn't know

I think you need to step back and keep out of it. This really isn't any of your business. Also, your niece is a grown woman, not a child, and even if she is immature for her age you have no right to interfere in her private matters. The baby is healthy and your niece loves and cares for her child. That's all that matters.

YANBU to think that your DN knew she was pg.
YABU to consider mentioning it. Irrelevant now.

Does it really matter? She's a new mum. What she needs is support and encouragement, not everyone being a nosey fucker and trying to get her to admit that she knew she was pregnant.

She's a grown up and she had a baby
You say congratulations
You don't question her over details of the contraception/pregnancy - you just don't do that