To think niece secretly knew she was pregnant?

[Wkdmama]

My niece recently gave birth to a healthy DS. Thing is, she didn't tell anyone she was preggers so we all found out on the day she gave birth. Luckily both are healthy.

No-one else know- we knew she'd put on weight but there was no obvious baby bump. Now I realise she was wearing loose clothes, and she had put on weight rapidly, but I didn't think it was my place to have a conversation about her weight.

My sister- her Mum- is a single parent and my niece's dad has been out of the picture for years. Dad was a total loser and gaslighted sis and niece. Its been very hard for them but I had thought they coped well. Now I worry that actually the pregnancy concealment was deliberate and a cry for help, and I'm also worried by my sister's reaction.

Niece's gran just came out with it and asked niece whether she knew. Niece said no. Gran says 'well didn't you have any symptoms/feel anything moving'- bearing in mind this is 8lb full term baby. Niece says she felt something but home pregnancy test was negative and doctor refused to test for pregnancy because she was on contraception. So- this is where it sounds wrong to me. A doctor wouldn't turn a young female thinking they are preggers away without a test, correct? And then a failed home test when you feel a baby (so quite far into pregnancy)? That sounds like a lie. And the only reason I feel she would lie about not knowing is that really she did know.

Sister seems to just accept this story and hasn't talked to her DD about what happened. She just seems to want to sweep it under the carpet. I have told my sister that she needs to deal with this, maybe with a therapist because something deeper is happening here. Sister just says that niece didn't know and she's happy to leave it at that.

Niece is going to be a great mum, I can see that, I just worry about how something this extreme came about and whether my niece is looking after herself as well as she looks after her new baby.

Question is, AIBU to push sister to talk to niece about this and not just sweep it under the carpet? Or should I mind my own business? And AIBU to think that niece really knew?

Why is it that when someone posts to ask us a question, where they seem genuinely concerned about something some of you feel the need to be mean? I fail to see how the hypocritical personal comments help this poster?

I think your niece may well have known but she is 21 and really I think you all need to move on. Keep an eye on your niece but leave it at that and support her like you plan too

After a certain point in pregnancy you can get a false negative (I've read about it before) because there is too much hormone for the test to handle so she may well be telling the truth about the test. Doctors wouldn't turn her away though I'm certain no matter what contraception she was on! I just think you need to stop worrying about who what where when how did she not know and run to the local supermarket for babygrows and muslin cloths lol x

Not your business, I suggest you keep out of it.

Your niece is 21, not a child. Her mother is happy with explanation and to be honest, the 21 year old should not have to explain anything to anyone.

If you push this with therapy etc, you WILL break your relationship with your sister and niece.

Keep yourself to looking after your own, and leave them to theirs, they are happy, do not interfere with that.

Because I'm on the mirena, and they straight away go "oh ok, no chance then"

One of my Mum friends’ had that - back and forth with odd symptoms – everything put down to the hormones in the coil would all settle down. She got to 7 months pg before it was worked out she was pg. It was her forth pg – she had three older children. She couldn’t believe she hadn’t realised before.

I think if she doing well with the baby - it doesn't really matter now.

A friend of mine who is a midwife had this happen to her. She was mid-40s and already had 2 DC at home. Pregnancy tests were negative and she assumed her missed periods were due to beginning menopause.
It was only because she had had babies previously that she finally recognised the movements, but even those came late as she had an anterior placenta, so she found out around 7 months. She was totally embarrassed, given her job, but it just demonstrated to me that it can happen to anyone.

The doctor story doesn't sound right, of course -- home pregnancy tests are very accurate

They are very accurate. A very small minority of women have extremely low urine HCG levels due to a number of factors and so it's not inconceivable (excuse the pun) that a home hpt was negative. I know someone this happened to.

After a certain point in pregnancy you can get a false negative (I've read about it before) because there is too much hormone for the test to handle

No.

As a midwife of many years I met quite a few women with concealed pregnancies. The concealing may have been deliberate, ie she knew but kept it hidden or because she genuinely didn't know or admit to herself that she knew that she was pregnant.

Pregnancy in that situation is really scary. Being in that level of denial is exhausting. A very few women absolutely genuinely don't know but I suspect they are in a small minority.

What your DN needs is support, not a grand inquisition. If she's young for her age she will need to be allowed to mother her child with help when asked for and, hopefully professional support as well.

After a certain point in pregnancy you can get a false negative (I've read about it before) because there is too much hormone for the test to handle

Half true. The role of HCG is to maintain the corpus luteum in early pregnancy. It also seems to have a role in immune tolerance to foetal tissue. Levels of it drop significantly in the second trimester and so by he second half of pregnancy it's perfect rly possible to get a false negative.