To move out because of his attitudes to food?

[MuckyWindows]

I moved in with DP in May. It's been a fucking nightmare since as he just eats innapropriately and it drives me insane.

Example, yesterday we bought curry and rice, a packet of popadoms and a pickle tray from ASDA as a treat meal for the night as we were child free. We get in, start putting shopping away, I go back to car and then come in to see him munching through the popadoms whilst he puts the shopping away! When he sees me he gestures for me to tuck in. I say "what are you doing?? They were for tea!" And he replies "well it doesn't matter does it? It's only a couple of hours away" - it was 2pm!!i was really pissed off ASD I was looking forward to that meal and because he'd eaten them, the pickle tray was now useless.

He does stuff like this all the time! A few days ago he munched through a bar of baking chocolate that I had bought to actually bake with.

I follow a strict diet and so buy protein drinks and protein bars. I'm also vegetarian so need this stuff to hit my goals. Whenever I go to the fridge the drinks have all gone. He just drinks them one after another "because they're nice". I've explained that they are meant as a one a day thing and he just says "I know but they're so moreish!" With a stupid grin. This means there is never any for me.

The protein bars are expensive and you only get four in a box. They're meant to last me all week. Friday he ate one in his packed lunch, one when he got home from work and went to get one after tea. I snapped and called him a greedy cunt - he said I was over reacting. Since I've moved in here my diet is all over the place because there is never anything in. He eats everything of mine. He even eats my quorn stuff and he's not a vegetarian!!! It's stressing me out so much I want to leave. He thinks it's a massive over reaction and that I should expect to share food when living with someone but this isn't sharing, it's him eating every fucking thing!!!!

Mustang

Why is it the op's responsibility to by food for her partner so he doesn't eat hers?

Why doesn't her partner do it? He's not a child!

I also get annoyed when I have something that I particularly like and the other person doesn't, and they eat it. So, say, I buy super duper special expensive chocolate because I love it so much, and put it down next to another bar of chocolate that I'm not that fussed about. DP likes both of them equally. Then he eats the one that was a special treat for me. That's an irritation. Or when I buy something I love and he doesn't like much, then he eats it because it's there, even though he didn't enjoy it much. Those things are mere irritations and the kind of thing I would expect people to say "it's just part of living together" about. Annoying. But it's not nearly as bad as it would be if we had two bars of chocolate, one of which I can eat and had to buy specially, and one of which I can't eat and which is easily replaced by popping it in the trolley, and he eats the one I can eat.

I absolutely agree however reading the op he doesn't sound all that responsible and if she wants to protect her snacks buy him his own. It's not a great solution but might stop them fighting over it.

Harsh has hit the nail on the head!

If you both want the "special" food then buy more of it.

He would drive me up the bloody wall.

Him eating the poppadums while putting the shopping away has caused me intense irritation for some reason!

As said, it's the lack of respect and restraint he's showing.

I can see why he might do it to tease you into a more normal sense of balance about the food and drink in the shared fridge.

He's clearly not doing that, he's just being a selfish greedy cunt. Eating everything in sight is not a "normal sense of balance".

i know exactly what you mean @Addley.

OP, is your DP good in other ways? If this is the only bone of contention, maybe take what you think are the best of our suggestions and try them out? Also, you haven't lived together long and there's always a settling-in period. Perhaps it would be worth sticking it out for a while and seeing if you can iron this issue out.

"I don't understand the issue. If you both want to eat protein bars, then surely just buy enough of them for both of you??"

Sounds like the OP could buy double the amount and they'd still disappear tbh. She buys one packet to last a week, he ate them all in a day

When you've lived with someone like this you understand. It's not about not sharing food. You can but enough of everything for the both of you, and still go to the fridge/cupboard and find that everything has been eaten by way of mindless snacking.

My ex really was a shit for this. There was loads of food in the house for all of it, but most of it was for meals. I got into the habit of buying snacks and stuff for him, but he'd still eat a whole pack of ham, or the entire salad drawer, or the last of the cheese (not allowed) as a 'snack', when I'd meal planned for the week (and he knew this, he just didn't give a shit)

Leave. He's telling you clearly through his actions that he doesn't care about you. (Not so much the poppadoms, but with the bars and the drinks). As far as he's concerned your needs come second to his. He fancies your stuff so has it without thinking after you've asked him not to.
My ex was like this. Started with food and slowly got worse. Selfishness is not an attractive attribute.

Mrs, I think the main problem is that he doesn't particularly want to eat the special food and would be just as happy with normal food that doesn't fit the OP's diet. I agree that if he wants to, he should get to have particular foods that he likes too.

He seems to be happy troughing down large quantities of food just because they're there. I'm betting if they bought twice as many of the protein bars, he would eat "his" half in a day, then OP's week's worth of bars the next.

If he knows there is food in the house, he can't rest until he has eaten it. He literally circles the fridge and hovers by the kitchen cupboards

I don't want to derail the thread, but is he...OK? For an adult to be unable to stop themselves from eating food, and anxiously hovering around where the food is kept sounds like they are incredibly stressed and uneasy about food. That you have to actually hide your food from your partner sounds pretty extreme.

I'm with you, OP, this would drive me up the wall - but is it worth losing a relationship over if it's just that which is the issue? There must be better ways to manage it if you're otherwise compatible. If you're not, though, this would be as good an excuse as any to end the relationship.

OP may be strict about food but that's not the issue. The issue is that her partner is a greedy, self serving fucker with no regard for her wants or needs at all.

LTB.

If you two really loved each other, I think you'd find a way past this. Your eating habits are different, but that wouldn't have to be a deal-breaker.

My dd has special food requirements due to a metabolic disease. The rest of the family are mindless snackers like your dp and so we have similar problems. But they are resolvable. Sometimes we buy extra of her special food so everyone can have it, sometimes we buy similar cheaper stuff for the rest of the family and mark hers as off-limits to everyone else, sometimes we just write her name on a few specific items. Likewise if I need some ingredient for dinner, I write on it in marker pen so it won't disappear.

But it doesn't seem like you two actually care enough to sort it out. You asked him to stay away from your special food and he didn't express any regret or interest in fixing the problem, so he doesn't take your needs seriously even when you've spelled them out.At the same time, never in a million years would I call someone I loved a "greedy cunt", nor would I put up with anybody calling me names like that. That is really hurtful.

He's unlikely to change. Food habits are built up over a lifetime. It's a big issue for you. Leave.

Yeah this is very annoying OP. I have a similar (although very slight) issue. My DH is greedy with the cereal. We get this lovely one from Lidl, and it's meant to be 12 portions, and he makes it into 4 - he literally has 3 times more than he should.

I am lucky if I get one bowlful and a spoonful of crumbs! Really annoying! I have actually taken to buying a separate box now, and hiding it - for me only. Then when the box we bought has gone, he has to tuck into the bland cornflakes, and when he has gone out to work, I get MY nice cereal.

Anyway, back to you OP. I don't see this relationship working long term, as you both sound so different. I am not saying a veggie or vegan cannot live a life with someone who is a meat eater/dairy eater, but it is very hard, and many relationships don't make it.

I know half a dozen couples where one was veggie or vegan and one was a meat eater, and 4 of them spilt within 6 - 12 months of living together. The other 2? The partner of the veggie or vegan became veggie or vegan as well.

I am not saying the two cannot mix and co-exist,, but I think both being veggie or vegan is probably the only way it's going to work long term. Like my vegan mate at work won't even have dairy products or anything containing meat IN HER HOUSE. So how is any relationship with a meat eater/dairy eater going to work?

@send yes he is fine Maybe I just seem to attract greedy men.

Sorry that should be 4 of the couples SPLIT within 6 to 12 months, not spilt!

I sympathise a bit OP, without getting into the 'who has an issue over food' here, I spend a lot on protein bars / shakes etc, I know how expensive they are. For someone to take them knowing they are there for you to hit your macros and likely cost £3 each when they could get off their arse and go buy a 60p snickers is absolutely 'spoilt kid' behaviour. To do it when ytou have since asked they dont is totally selfish. I just think he needs to grow up and realise he's not a little boy to have his every whim and desire indulged.

He sounds disrespectful but you sound way over the top and clearly have food issues

A strict diet, which includes Asda Curry, Poppadoms and baking chocolate sounds really interesting.

Not sure which one of you has the major problem with food, but neither of you sound comfortable with your relationship with food, or each other.

I couldn't live with someone who was greedy and selfish with food. Eating all the nice stuff himself without thinking of you and eating food because he can't restrain himself aren't issues that are likely to go away. I think finding someone you can live with is much harder than finding someone you can have fun with. You need a joint attitude to food/ money/ having friends round/ division of housework / giving each other space.
I would move out.

OP- YADNBU. He's being a twat. I wonder whether he's reverting to patterns of eating from when he was a kid e.g. his parents bought a big weekly shop and the 'treat' food was for the kids and he had full access.

Also how the fuck can you infer the OP have food issues?! She has chosen to follow a specific diet, and she sticks to it WHILST ALLOWING HERSELF A TREAT EVERY NOW AND THEN. This is a completely healthy food pattern. Plenty of Mumsnetters follow 5:2, LCHF or paleo diets and don't get this shite.

"I follow a strict diet and so buy protein drinks and protein bars."

"But you're also eating Asda ready made curry and rice and bags of poppadoms. How strict a diet is that?"

meh, surely most people, even on a diet will have something as a treat once in a while.
There's a period of adjustment when cohabiting, and some habits can make it harder than others. Sharing IS important but OP has told us that it's common for him to snack on foods she has bought for a specific purpose and continues to do so after she's explained the issue.
Living with another adult is difficult enough. Food often presents challenges, which I'm aware of as a vegan who lives with an omivore but for many of us the benefits outweigh the problems; companionship, pooling of resources, raising your children etc.
Thing is, I find that men people become increasingly irksome over time so if someone was pissing me off by being thoughtless and irritating at the start of living together then unless he was the father of my children (worth working it out IMHO, although not in situations where there is abuse of course) I would much rather live as a lone parent with my lovely children.

oh this would drive me nuts
I have a protein bar after a workout - the ones that don't taste like cardboard are expensive.

I'm also veggie - are you saying sometimes you get home and your veggie dinner is gone?