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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To move out because of his attitudes to food?

384 replies

MuckyWindows · 06/08/2017 08:28

I moved in with DP in May. It's been a fucking nightmare since as he just eats innapropriately and it drives me insane.

Example, yesterday we bought curry and rice, a packet of popadoms and a pickle tray from ASDA as a treat meal for the night as we were child free. We get in, start putting shopping away, I go back to car and then come in to see him munching through the popadoms whilst he puts the shopping away! When he sees me he gestures for me to tuck in. I say "what are you doing?? They were for tea!" And he replies "well it doesn't matter does it? It's only a couple of hours away" - it was 2pm!!i was really pissed off ASD I was looking forward to that meal and because he'd eaten them, the pickle tray was now useless.

He does stuff like this all the time! A few days ago he munched through a bar of baking chocolate that I had bought to actually bake with.

I follow a strict diet and so buy protein drinks and protein bars. I'm also vegetarian so need this stuff to hit my goals. Whenever I go to the fridge the drinks have all gone. He just drinks them one after another "because they're nice". I've explained that they are meant as a one a day thing and he just says "I know but they're so moreish!" With a stupid grin. This means there is never any for me.

The protein bars are expensive and you only get four in a box. They're meant to last me all week. Friday he ate one in his packed lunch, one when he got home from work and went to get one after tea. I snapped and called him a greedy cunt - he said I was over reacting. Since I've moved in here my diet is all over the place because there is never anything in. He eats everything of mine. He even eats my quorn stuff and he's not a vegetarian!!! It's stressing me out so much I want to leave. He thinks it's a massive over reaction and that I should expect to share food when living with someone but this isn't sharing, it's him eating every fucking thing!!!!

OP posts:

PickingOakum · 06/08/2017 08:52

Yanbu.

I've had this problem with DH in the past, and it got to the point of rather heated arguments.

I suspect the issue might be that many of these food stuffs are easy to consume. So when he's a bit peckish, it's far easier to grab one of your protein bars or start munching poppadoms than make something else.

With my DH, it used to be sandwich and breakfast stuff. He couldn't be arsed to make a meal, so would eat an entire pack of ham or cheese slices in a day, or just have endless bowls of cereal. It drove me mad because he'd clear out the fridge within a few days after a supposedly fortnightly shop, and I'd wake up in a morning and there'd be nothing for me to eat. It was also costing a fortune.

The only way I found to prevent it was to rigorously meal plan and cook, but the knock-on effect of that is you essentially become responsible for their daily eating, the grocery planning, and all meals, and that forms yet another spoke in the "wifework" wheel.

My experience is that it doesn't get much better until they have a health shock of some sort and are told to improve their diet and nutrition.

IDoDaChaCha · 06/08/2017 08:54

You are food incompatible. It might sound like a trifling issue but it's not. Food is essential. Food preferences are important to each of us. You can't change people. You have to accept him as he is, as he has to accept you the same. He doesn't think he's doing anything wrong and will probably continue. Either accept him and his annoying behaviour or move on. I recently dated someone who is very OCD and a ridiculously picky eater (a huge, hulking man!). He freaked out when we went to a (very nice) Italian restaurant because they didn't have chips on the menu and the food had 'stuff' all over it (e.g. Mac n cheese had truffle oil). I'm an average eater: not overly adventurous (snails? No thanks) but I will eat (and enjoy) most things from most countries. His behaviour was so extreme (IMO) that it made him unattractive to me. DD eats more variety than him at 17mos... I couldn't envisage my life eating out at Harvester every time we went out for dinner for the rest of my life. This, amongst other reasons relating to his OCD and rigid views on life made me realise I couldn't make a life with him. He would just have pissed me off! We're still friends but I regularly roll my eyes at messages from him whingeing about various things and no matter how attractive I might find him (he has a gorgeous smile when genuinely happy) I don't regret for a second putting a swift end to our obvious incompatibility.

Genghi · 06/08/2017 08:54

He doesn't respect you. I think you're right - leave. You need a partner who will understand and want what's best for you and understand when you say no. That he can't take no for an answer is really worrying.

SoftlyCatchyMonkey1 · 06/08/2017 08:54

The problem here is the DP not the OP!!! Don't agree with people saying that she's the one with the issue. It's her choice what she buys and eats and she's made it very clear to her DP her feelings and he just totally ignores it. Very disrespectful.
When I first moved in with my DP I would be cooking dinner for us and he would come in to the kitchen and make a sandwich "because he was hungry", even though I was putting effort into making a nice meal for us that we would be eating shortly. I found it so disrespectful. He soon stopped that when he realised how much I hated it. He knows not to touch things that I've made for my lunch the next day but that drives me mad too. It's selfish and greedy.

Addley · 06/08/2017 08:55

I also don't get why people are assuming that OP is the one in charge of the food shopping and that therefore it's her fault for not buying him extra Snickers and shakes. He can buy them himself if that's what it takes to stop him eating the special ones OP gets.

shaggedthruahedgebackwards · 06/08/2017 08:56

Whether the OP needs the protein bars or not isn't really the point

She is buying specialist food for her specialist diet and her DP is eating it all despite knowing that the OP requires it to stick to her food plan. Ergo he is an inconsiderate glutton!

Useranon123456 · 06/08/2017 08:56

He sounds a bit like me!! My husband gets a wee bit annoyed, but it's a non issue! We love each other, have a good relationship, and in the grand scheme of things, there are plenty more things to worry about!! Who cares who are all the pies!! Plenty more important issues to worry about!

Useranon123456 · 06/08/2017 08:56

Sorry, who 'ate' all the pies!

SoftlyCatchyMonkey1 · 06/08/2017 08:56

PickingOakum everything you wrote resonates with me

TheVanguardSix · 06/08/2017 08:57

You're both totally incompatible, even if it's ONLY in the area of food. I can't see this ever getting better unless you both compromise.

coolaschmoola · 06/08/2017 08:57

I can see your point Op - but if my oh called me a 'greedy cunt' then every other point would instantly become moot and I'd be gone.

That is a vile thing to say - and the fact that you said it is probably part of the reason people are assuming that you have a food issue - because most people wouldn't dream of saying something that vile to their Oh.

echt · 06/08/2017 08:58

YANBU. He's an arse and you should be able eat your unnecessary food as you wish.

PickAChew · 06/08/2017 08:58

He's greedy and shows a complete lack of respect for you. If he wants protein drinks or protein bars, he needs to buy more for himself.

I bet he's not so unrestrained when he's paying, though.

SpartacusSaiman · 06/08/2017 08:58

Whether the OP needs the protein bars or not isn't really the point

Actually it is. Because it sounds like she has food issues. He either has food issues or is a selfish fucker.

That relationship is not going to work. For it to work they both need to sort their own issues. Which is unlikely, so she may be best splitting.

RadioGaGoo · 06/08/2017 08:59

Doesn't sound like OP has food issues at all and I don't understand why other posters feel the need to comment on your diet. Maybe they have their own dietary issues? You are certainly not a 'nightmare'. Tad dramatic that.

It's a basic lack of respect for you and your things. My DH is weight training and has a number of specific food items that I just don't touch (unless asking first), even though we pay for them jointly. Other times I have bought things for myself that he would know not to eat without asking. Everything else in the fridge and cupboards are open season.

aSleepyPrincess · 06/08/2017 09:00

Why is everyone commenting on the fact that the OP eats protein bars?
The fact is she chooses to and her greedy DP keeps eating them even though he has been told not to!
If it was my DP he would be sent straight back to the shop to replace them with his own money, he sounds really disrespectful

SaucyJack · 06/08/2017 09:01

YANBU. He is a greedy cunt.

VelvetSpoon · 06/08/2017 09:02

Whether it's the DPs issue or the OPs depends on who's doing and paying for the shopping.

If the joint budget is being spent on this stuff, then it's fair game. If the OP doesn't want to share it, then either she buys it with her own money, or the next time they go shopping says 'these are my treats, what are you buying' and he then adds what he wants to the trolley.

Isn't that being in a partnership?

simon50 · 06/08/2017 09:02

Sounds very selfish to me.

By the way have you looked at Body Building Warehouse ? Their protein bars taste pretty good and cost little more than a Mars Bar. They come in packs of 24 and they sometimes do deals like buy 2 get 1 free.

SendintheArdwolves · 06/08/2017 09:02

He sounds a bit like me!! My husband gets a wee bit annoyed, but it's a non issue!

Umm, it doesn't sound like a non issue -- it sounds like it annoys your husband. That may be a non issue to YOU, but clearly not to him.

SuburbanRhonda · 06/08/2017 09:03

Doesn't sound very fair if when ypu go shopping, you buy all the food you want and nothing for him.

As PP have said, if he wants chocolate bars and other snacks for himself, perhaps he could buy them when he does the food shopping? Unless he never does the food shopping, in which case it would be a no from me.

CottonSock · 06/08/2017 09:03

Food incompatible would be a deal breaker for me. It's important.

Shoxfordian · 06/08/2017 09:04

I don't think the op is the problem either

It's really inconsiderate and selfish for your partner to do this.

SendintheArdwolves · 06/08/2017 09:06

The OP makes it clear that they were shopping TOGETHER -- her BF had the opportunity to add any snacks/treats/crisps/snickers bars to the trolley.

Also, they are both adults - she should not have to lock her food away, hide it in her car, buy extra food which is "like" the food she wants to eat, etc simply because the person she lives with is unwilling to respect her request not to eat it.

SaucyJack · 06/08/2017 09:06

It's perfectly clear from the OP that they do the shopping together velvet.

And he's still pigging on food that was earmarked for a specific occasion.

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