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Original poster

To move out because of his attitudes to food?

384 replies

MuckyWindows · 06/08/2017 08:28

I moved in with DP in May. It's been a fucking nightmare since as he just eats innapropriately and it drives me insane.

Example, yesterday we bought curry and rice, a packet of popadoms and a pickle tray from ASDA as a treat meal for the night as we were child free. We get in, start putting shopping away, I go back to car and then come in to see him munching through the popadoms whilst he puts the shopping away! When he sees me he gestures for me to tuck in. I say "what are you doing?? They were for tea!" And he replies "well it doesn't matter does it? It's only a couple of hours away" - it was 2pm!!i was really pissed off ASD I was looking forward to that meal and because he'd eaten them, the pickle tray was now useless.

He does stuff like this all the time! A few days ago he munched through a bar of baking chocolate that I had bought to actually bake with.

I follow a strict diet and so buy protein drinks and protein bars. I'm also vegetarian so need this stuff to hit my goals. Whenever I go to the fridge the drinks have all gone. He just drinks them one after another "because they're nice". I've explained that they are meant as a one a day thing and he just says "I know but they're so moreish!" With a stupid grin. This means there is never any for me.

The protein bars are expensive and you only get four in a box. They're meant to last me all week. Friday he ate one in his packed lunch, one when he got home from work and went to get one after tea. I snapped and called him a greedy cunt - he said I was over reacting. Since I've moved in here my diet is all over the place because there is never anything in. He eats everything of mine. He even eats my quorn stuff and he's not a vegetarian!!! It's stressing me out so much I want to leave. He thinks it's a massive over reaction and that I should expect to share food when living with someone but this isn't sharing, it's him eating every fucking thing!!!!

OP posts:
lynmilne65 · 07/08/2017 15:10

Personally, as a old granny have never bought an Easter Egg ! Prefer to buy a small gift 🎁

lucyloopy · 07/08/2017 15:33

I have this problem.

DC and I have allergies/coeliac disease and gave a special diet. I shop specifically for this and get it delivered as I can't find the food locally. DC can only have one type of bread for example. 'D'H without fail eats all the food u buy for us. Bread, biscuits, treats, ham whatever.

I ask him every single time what he wants delivered, he says nothing. I've tried buying extra or good specifically for him but it makes no difference.

At least once a week without fail he will eat all of something he knows is off limits. It's a total turn off.

19lottie82 · 07/08/2017 15:53

What is further down the line the OP and him have DC. Would it be OK for him to eat food reserved for the kids? No of course not, but I can't see why he would see any difference.

crazykitten20 · 07/08/2017 16:05

I don't think the OP has food issues. If she's asked her partner not up do X and he continues to do X, it doesn't seem unreasonable that she gets pissed off.

JessieMcJessie · 07/08/2017 16:06

He doesn't love or respect you and is lacking in basic manners. As someone else said, a greedy baby. This is probably the top of the iceberg as far as selfish behaviour is concerned. You've just moved in together, you should be in honeymoon period, not at the pint where you are so annoyed that you are calling him a cunt (deserved though!). Do not think that you can change him, leave now.

And to the poster saying "can't comment till we know what else is in the cupboards"- he's a grown man who is perfectly capable of visiting a shop to buy Snickers or whatever else he wants to eat! The contents of the cupboards is not OP's sole responsibility!

HipsterHunter · 07/08/2017 16:14

He's a childish greedy selfish compulsive eater.

I don't think it's too extrem to consider moving out - it's a massive lack of respect. He is just saying "I don't give a shit about your needs" every time he takes the OPs special stuff.

Also what is wrong with the OP following a strict diet? Better to be hitting all your nutritional needs and not eating a surplus of calories than stuffing your face with everything you can find.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 07/08/2017 16:19

Agree with hipster except to the special diet the op could be eating 30 snickers a day - as an adult that's her Chou e

EmmaJR1 · 07/08/2017 16:25

I think your reaction and response were quite OTT even if I agree to your point.

In my house all food is shared food BUT if, for example, I buy myself a lovely chocolate bar to enjoy once DS is (finally) asleep I tell my DH that I'm looking forward to it and he doesn't touch it. However I nearly always buy him a treat too.

Maybe you need to have a chat about what snacky things he would like in the fridge so that he doesn't just grab yours? He's quite selfish if he can't control himself when he knows it's upsetting you. However I still maintain you overreacted...

HelenaDove · 07/08/2017 16:25

Jesus if i ate the same things as DH i would soon put back on the weight ive lost.

Ive lost ten stone. DH and i have our food in the same cupboards but hes not interested in eating my fruit and veg and im not interested in eating his. If i ate his Ritz crackers jam tarts biscuits Magnums the weight ive lost wouldnt stay off.

MN on weight..............obesity costs the NHS ££££££££ blah blah blah.

MN to an OP on an eating plan...................you have a food obsession.

MistressDeeCee · 07/08/2017 16:29

He eats everything

The fact you've mentioned your diet etc may skewer views slightly, there are people who will fixate the minute a woman mentions "diet", and just ignore the main issue.

To me its not about the diet - its the fact that he grazes all the fucking time and eats all the food - see it, eat it!! Thats hoglike and Id have to turn my head away from that level of greed. Its unappealing.

Eating food whilst he is putting away shopping, and none left for you? + you are supposed to enjoy meal without accompaniments? KIds would know not to do that wouldn't they?

Eating baking chocolate ffs. He knows its for baking and he can't even leave that alone, he has to guzzle it.

Buy him one of the Mr Men books Im sure there's one about Mr Greedy with a moral ending somewhere

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 07/08/2017 16:33

As Jessie said, why in the name of fuck is it the OP's responsibility to ensure that her greedy-arse pig of a DP has enough snacks to stop him stealing hers? Is he not able to walk into a shop? Does he have no money? Pretty sure that's not the case, so if he wants fecking snacks, he can buy his own!

Jeez. So many backward thinkers.

brightlightceiling · 07/08/2017 16:47

I get it OP. I have diabetes so there always needs to be sugary stuff in the house for when (not if!) I get a low. DH ate it all. I once explained to him that if I get a low that night he can go get something sharpish or drive me to the hospital. To me they are not sweets but life saving medicine! I now have my own cupboard space and anything in it is "medicin" and not a snack.

I feel that you DP should respect your wishes and come to an agreement with you. He is not a bloody toddler who has to have everthing now!

Neoflex · 07/08/2017 17:07

I don't think we will hear from OP again as she has been eaten by her partner

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 07/08/2017 17:44

OP you are not the poster whose BF commandeered their car and lent their camping gear out to a friend without asking? Because all property was now communal?

I always wondered what happened to that woman.

Msqueen33 · 07/08/2017 19:39

@lucyloopy I'd go bloody mental! Two of my kids have coeliac disease and if anyone went out of their way to eat their specific food I'd be furious.

It's about respect. If he does the food shop put in stuff he wants. It's not like he's eating just one he's eating the lot. A lot of reactions would be different if OP said I have a condition which means I can only eat certain foods. My dp comes shopping but will eat all my food. It's selfish and greedy!

HipsterHunter · 07/08/2017 19:42

Maybe you need to have a chat about what snacky things he would like in the fridge so that he doesn't just grab yours

But why is it her job to buy him snacks?

Is she controlling his money? Is she locking him in the house without access to shops?

No?

Then he can buy his own snacks!

MistressDeeCee · 07/08/2017 20:00

Maybe you need to have a chat about what snacky things he would like in the fridge so that he doesn't just grab yours

I can never fathom this kind of advice when its obvious af the OP has ALREADY had chats and been dealing with the problem, not been listened to, and at the end of her tether has landed here...!

I certainly wouldn't be continually explaining things to a man as if he is my child ffs

Mittens1969 · 07/08/2017 20:10

That does seem a bit childish on his part tbh, the sort of thing my DDs would do, aged 8 and 5. Definitely not the kind of behaviour I would expect from a grown man. I would have expected an apology when you pulled him up for eating your cereal bars, not to just say, 'But they taste like snickers.' Very odd, imo.

Mittens1969 · 07/08/2017 20:12

Sorry, I meant protein bars. I don't think it's going to work well living together, you're very different from each other, that's for sure.

ItsNachoCheese · 07/08/2017 20:20

Theres sharing food like a normal person then there is sharing as your dp sees it which is being a greedy pig

lucyloopy · 07/08/2017 20:39

Msqueen - i go postal on a regular basis but it makes no difference. The recent one that stand out, I found a white bread DS(5) could have, it was the first white loaf I had found for him. Made one sandwich which he Loved.

We got up the next day excited about the bread to find only the crusts we're left. The fucker had eaten the lot. He didn't even have the decency to eat the crusts and leave two normal slices. There was no reason for it at all. We had a big dinner, there are plenty of shops selling other bread where we live.

I've realised, and this thread has helped actually, it's not about food but a deeply engrained sense of entitlement combined with a total lack of respect.

Op I would actually move out tbh and save yourself the headache.

HelenaDove · 07/08/2017 20:50

loopy that is disgusting behaviour on his part.

And the reason he shrugs it off when you ask what he wants is because he sees the shopping and meal planning as your job..........to the extent that he doesnt even want to give it head space when you ask what he wants.

Msqueen33 · 07/08/2017 20:52

@lucyloopy that's dreadful! Plus decent bread is so hard to find! I can only assume it's just complete entitlement. And thoughtlessness.

2rebecca · 07/08/2017 20:58

Agree, to me that sort of thoughtlessness and self centredness would end the relationship for me. It's not about the food, it's the sort of personality that can't see beyond their own personal instant gratification.
I want a man I can view as an equal, not a man with the brain of a 3 year old with poor parenting.

WhatWouldGenghisDo · 07/08/2017 21:04

Agree with pp suggesting the dp's behaviour is all about showing OP who is boss.

Am also surprised by the number of posters who seem to think it's controlling and uppity for a woman to want to be allowed to control a packet of protein bars Confused