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AIBU?

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Original poster

To move out because of his attitudes to food?

384 replies

MuckyWindows · 06/08/2017 08:28

I moved in with DP in May. It's been a fucking nightmare since as he just eats innapropriately and it drives me insane.

Example, yesterday we bought curry and rice, a packet of popadoms and a pickle tray from ASDA as a treat meal for the night as we were child free. We get in, start putting shopping away, I go back to car and then come in to see him munching through the popadoms whilst he puts the shopping away! When he sees me he gestures for me to tuck in. I say "what are you doing?? They were for tea!" And he replies "well it doesn't matter does it? It's only a couple of hours away" - it was 2pm!!i was really pissed off ASD I was looking forward to that meal and because he'd eaten them, the pickle tray was now useless.

He does stuff like this all the time! A few days ago he munched through a bar of baking chocolate that I had bought to actually bake with.

I follow a strict diet and so buy protein drinks and protein bars. I'm also vegetarian so need this stuff to hit my goals. Whenever I go to the fridge the drinks have all gone. He just drinks them one after another "because they're nice". I've explained that they are meant as a one a day thing and he just says "I know but they're so moreish!" With a stupid grin. This means there is never any for me.

The protein bars are expensive and you only get four in a box. They're meant to last me all week. Friday he ate one in his packed lunch, one when he got home from work and went to get one after tea. I snapped and called him a greedy cunt - he said I was over reacting. Since I've moved in here my diet is all over the place because there is never anything in. He eats everything of mine. He even eats my quorn stuff and he's not a vegetarian!!! It's stressing me out so much I want to leave. He thinks it's a massive over reaction and that I should expect to share food when living with someone but this isn't sharing, it's him eating every fucking thing!!!!

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 06/08/2017 14:38

@MuckyWindows may have issues with food or she may not - frankly that is irrelevant, imo. She is getting food that she needs, specifically, for her diet, and her 'd'p is eating it and not giving a shit about the effect on her - that makes his behaviour greedy and selfish in my book.

If I bought a food item specifically for me, or for a specific purpose, and asked dh or the dses not to eat it, they wouldn't eat it - because they know it would be thoughtless to do so. Or if they would ask if they could have it, on the basis of replacing it before I needed it. And I would do the same for them. That is how it works between reasonable, thoughtful human beings, ime.

melj1213 · 06/08/2017 15:04

I can't believe the amount of people who have justified the OP's DP's behaviour as her being obsessive about food! I would be obsessive too if I felt I had to lock up things I bought just because someone else in the house has no self control!

YANBU to expect your DP to respect your posessions enough to not eat everything in sight, especially when you have specifically asked him not to and he has other options readily available.

My ex used to do things like this, though not to the extent of the OP's DP, and it used to infuriate me at the time, and he only did it occasionally.

It would be something like we were having a house party on a Saturday (that he was aware of and we had organised together), so on Friday afternoon I'd do our normal weekly big shop and add all the soft drinks/booze/crisps/nibbles/party bits (aka stuff that was specifically for the party as I would never normally buy them in a regular shop) too.

I'd get home and unpack the shopping and then go out to pick DD up from whatever extra-curricular she was doing and by the time I got back he'd have already drank most of a 2L bottle of coke and munched his way through half a pack of cocktail sausages, a share size bag of Doritos (and dip) and opened the box of expensive chocolates I'd planned to give as a gift to my friend whose birthday was that weekend and would be at the party the following day ... and when I yelled at him he would be absolutely astonished that I was so angry because he hadn't realised that food was for the party because I hadn't specified!

lljkk · 06/08/2017 16:02

Stoic nailed it.

MagdalenNoName · 06/08/2017 16:11

I think binge eating is problematic. Both for the eater and for another person whose food is being binge eaten.

It's a bit like money really. Most people living together essentially have joint finances and agree on what's being paid for. Or if they can't agree they have separate finances and work out how that should go.

What doesn't work is if there's a joint account but one person keeps spending all the money, so that when the other goes to the supermarket their plastic card doesn't work.

Which is essentially what's happening in this case.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 06/08/2017 17:31

pictish - He's like a human labrador. Grin perhaps thats why so many other posters are effectively giving her 'training' tips, rather than saying "yep, grown ups should be able to control their behaviour". (OP - you could try hitting him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper...)

FeelingAggrieved · 06/08/2017 17:38

YADNBU that would totally piss me off.

HelenaDove · 06/08/2017 18:03

Re. the PP who mentioned lighter life bars.

I had an ex who would eat my Slimming World hifibars because he wanted treats but was too bloody tight to buy them. I would stay over at weekends taking a pack of those bars with me (they used to come in a pack of three) and he would bloody eat them. Yes this was the same ex who was too tight to buy bog roll. (to pre empt the tirade of hifi bars are full of sugar etc etc yes i know. this was the first time i did SW and i havent eaten them for years.)

But this ex used to eat big bags of Maltesers AS WELL when he did let the moths out of his wallet and he ate those hifi bars knowing i couldnt eat the Maltesers instead. I had lost over 9 stone by that point and had one more to go.

wtffgs · 06/08/2017 21:19

Will everyone leave the OP alone? She's a grown woman and can eat what the fuck she likes Angry

He does sound selfish and thoughtless tbh OP - I don't think this is going to work Brew

Queenofthedrivensnow · 06/08/2017 21:24

I maintain that whatever type of product he's using up is irrelevant it's the selfish behaviour of the dp that's the issue.
Whether protein bars are any good is totally beside the point the op is an adult ffs

justilou1 · 07/08/2017 02:14

You need a safe!

Happytobefree17 · 07/08/2017 02:31

Where is the OP?

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 07/08/2017 02:37

Come back OP and ignore the twats posters that blame you for your greedy bastard DPs behaviour. I'm guessing they're the ones that stuff their faces without a thought for others in their house too.

Italiangreyhound · 07/08/2017 03:08

He needs to learn to listen to you and respect you. If he cannot, then I cannot see how you can make it work. You mentioned children, are they his, yours, both of yours?

I've suffered with an eating disorder, it is not nice. It sounds like he has one, he doesn't have the ability to stop himself. He needs to get help for that. Or he risks passing on those habits to the kids.

I've skipped a few posts so I don't know why you are on the specific diet you are on BUT whatever the reason as a grown women you can choose what to buy and what to eat, and he needs to respect your choices. Good luck.

(Ignore anyone rude on here, there are so many rude posters on MN!!)

PickAChew · 07/08/2017 07:13

Where is the OP?

In the early wee hours, probably in bed.

Hudson10 · 07/08/2017 09:24

I think there is a definite issue with food here, but it sounds like it's yours, rather than his.

Yes, sounds like that to me too. You sound very controlling around food.
As for he eats your veggie mince - I'm not vegetarian either but DH is.
The food's for everyone, we all make meals with it.

Hudson10 · 07/08/2017 09:27

And if you get to have (in your words expensive) protein bars to have as a snack, where are his snacks? Doesn't sound very fair if when ypu go shopping, you buy all the food you want and nothing for him.

That's a point - what snacks are in for everybody else? If there's only your protein bars when he wants a snack then no wonder.

TheNaze73 · 07/08/2017 09:32

There's not enough give & take here for a relationship to work. He doesn't care what you say, you've moved into his space & are trying to change him. Time to cut your losses

aramintafatbottom · 07/08/2017 09:41

Why does eating protein bars = food issues?

I used to make sure I had a can of diet coke for every morning I was at work. It really really annoyed me when ss would drink them regardless of him knowing I had specifically the right number for work that week. And regardless of the fact there was a bottle of diet coke in the fridge but he was too lazy to pour it.

It's not food issues it's buying something for a purpose and someone being inconsiderate and eating it or drinking it when there are many alternative available.

It's inconsiderate and rude and I wouldn't do it so why should I suffer others doing it!

Rachel0Greep · 07/08/2017 11:13

OP hasn't returned, after two posts...

HattiesBackpack · 07/08/2017 11:35

Sometimes the double standards on here appalling!

If a poster wrote this down with the roles reversed there would be absolute outrage at the OPs behaviour.

If the OP was a bloke she would be called controlling, and there would be suggestions that this is red flag behaviour.

TheNightmanCometh · 07/08/2017 11:52

You mean, absolute outrage like there has been from several posters already, even with the (blatantly fake) OP being a woman?

I mean really, the reverse the sexes claims are almost invariably completely without merit anyway. But why would you pick a thread where there's been a split?

ButchyRestingFace · 07/08/2017 11:57

If the OP was a bloke she would be called controlling, and there would be suggestions that this is red flag behaviour.

You think that would be a majority view?

Threenme · 07/08/2017 11:58

I'm veggie I don't 'need' a protein bar! You do seem a bit nurotic about food tbh. You aren't students with your own cupboard surely food is just food! Could you just keep protein bars for example in your bag they aren't overly heavy!

AlternativeTentacle · 07/08/2017 12:01

If the OP was a bloke she would be called controlling, and there would be suggestions that this is red flag behaviour.

No she wouldn't. She would be told exactly the same. HTH.

StormTreader · 07/08/2017 12:06

Its territory marking, showing you that as The Man Of The House its his right to eat whatever he likes. I assume that you moved into his house? He's enjoying showing you that hes top dog.

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