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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To move out because of his attitudes to food?

384 replies

MuckyWindows · 06/08/2017 08:28

I moved in with DP in May. It's been a fucking nightmare since as he just eats innapropriately and it drives me insane.

Example, yesterday we bought curry and rice, a packet of popadoms and a pickle tray from ASDA as a treat meal for the night as we were child free. We get in, start putting shopping away, I go back to car and then come in to see him munching through the popadoms whilst he puts the shopping away! When he sees me he gestures for me to tuck in. I say "what are you doing?? They were for tea!" And he replies "well it doesn't matter does it? It's only a couple of hours away" - it was 2pm!!i was really pissed off ASD I was looking forward to that meal and because he'd eaten them, the pickle tray was now useless.

He does stuff like this all the time! A few days ago he munched through a bar of baking chocolate that I had bought to actually bake with.

I follow a strict diet and so buy protein drinks and protein bars. I'm also vegetarian so need this stuff to hit my goals. Whenever I go to the fridge the drinks have all gone. He just drinks them one after another "because they're nice". I've explained that they are meant as a one a day thing and he just says "I know but they're so moreish!" With a stupid grin. This means there is never any for me.

The protein bars are expensive and you only get four in a box. They're meant to last me all week. Friday he ate one in his packed lunch, one when he got home from work and went to get one after tea. I snapped and called him a greedy cunt - he said I was over reacting. Since I've moved in here my diet is all over the place because there is never anything in. He eats everything of mine. He even eats my quorn stuff and he's not a vegetarian!!! It's stressing me out so much I want to leave. He thinks it's a massive over reaction and that I should expect to share food when living with someone but this isn't sharing, it's him eating every fucking thing!!!!

OP posts:
InvisibleKittenAttack · 06/08/2017 13:28

Ergh, having to plan round greed and a partner who is either unable or unwilling to show self restraint like some over grown toddler who's got at the biscuit barrel. Just why would you put up with it? Were they all spoilt only children and never learned some things arent for them?

Queenofthedrivensnow · 06/08/2017 13:31

What the food is is totally irrelevant imo.
It would be just the same if it was shampoo or whatever. It would drive me nuts.

My exh did this but not to the op extent. I would meal plan and shop accordingly and he would eat random chunks of all the meals it drove me insane. Also though I'm a shop once a week because it's easier and he likes to waste time doing too up shops most days though I noticed he doesn't do this so much since he's had the dc on his own funny that.

This post reminds me of one back along about the dp using up all the gift lush items that were given to the op.

horaceslughorn · 06/08/2017 13:38

I think moving out would probably be the best thing. You're at quite extreme ends of things. He sounds like Scooby Doo and you are quite controlling with your food so it's not workable, especially as it's already descended into name calling.

Polly85 · 06/08/2017 13:40

I was thinking YANBU when I finished reading the poppadom bit, but the protein bar/quorn thing would do my nut. Especially if he just grins and says they taste nice. If I were you I would say something like 'I love living with you, but you taking my food is making me very unhappy. These bars are not for you and I need you to leave them completely alone.' If he ignores that, I would definitely have second thoughts about our future together, because that would make him inconsiderate/annoying/a little but stupid. Ps. Ignore the people who are saying you have food issues, you just sound healthy and careful to me. I say that as a person who is currently drinking her second beer at 3:40pm. (I'm on holiday! Smile)

JessicaEccles · 06/08/2017 13:47

I love all the posters going But if you really loved him......Hmm

OP -buy some fat balls, roll them out flat, wrap them in the empty wrappers. Leave in the cupboard Smile

BruceFoxton · 06/08/2017 13:49

He doesn't respect you. End of.

Polly85 · 06/08/2017 13:50

@BhajiAllTheWay the rich tea thing has just made me really angry! Sounds like you're well shot of him. What a dick

ClemDanfango · 06/08/2017 13:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Piewraith · 06/08/2017 13:54

Agree with everyone saying there is no point buying more, he would just eat that too.

I had a similar issue with my DP, I buy a 6 pack of diet coke cans and have in the fridge as I like to take one on the way work occasionally. DP started drinking them, but not just one, two or three per day. So I started buying 24 packs. He drank more, sometimes not even finishing a can, leaving it lying around then opening a new one. Or opening two during one meal. I started buying 30 packs. And I didn't have a car at the time so I was carrying these bloody cases home.

I asked him to start buying them if he was going to drink so many, but he said "I don't like it, so I won't buy it, but I'll drink it if it's there". We had a big blow up about it and now he buys the diet coke.

rookiemere · 06/08/2017 13:55

I'm really not sure how and why the OP is meant to be extreme about food.

She wants at least one of her four pack of protein bars to be available from the weekly shop - Not extreme

She would like the poppadums bought for an evening meal to be available with the pickle tray for that meal - Not extreme

She is a vegetarian so wants her DP not to eat the quorn ( which is fairly revolting anyway so why anyone would eat it through choice is beyond me) - Not extreme

She bought baking chocolate for cooking and wants it to be available when she wants to bake - Not extreme

Ok what OP chooses to eat may seem a little odd to us, but there is nothing at all extreme or unusual about any of the above examples in relation to food.

I do like the idea of the laxative chocolates. That would soon cure him. He must be piling on loads of weight as protein bars are mega calorific, so perhaps a dose of the sh*ts would help to sort him out.

Goodasgoldilox · 06/08/2017 13:55

Your eating does sound to be a bit of a 'thing' and you are probably a bit precious about it.

HOWEVER

If he loves you he should respect and understand this.

If he understands your need but can't help eating stuff that is available to him - then this is something you need to find a way to cope with.

The two of you need to work out something that you can both live with.

If he really has a problem and can't stop eating things in cupboards/fridge, and you really need those things to be available, then you need a locking box for fridge and cupboard... or separate locking fridge each.

ScrambledSmegs · 06/08/2017 14:04

This sounds like classic laying claim to his territory, putting you in your place behaviour. It's weird and controlling. He's not an Alpha male, he's just being selfish.

A friend's boyfriend of a few years did something like this when they moved in together, although it was more disgusting (think purposefully messing up the bathroom and refusing to clean it). She moved out and moved on very fast, he was distraught and in shock but wtf did he think would happen?

pictish · 06/08/2017 14:05

"We get in, start putting shopping away, I go back to car and then come in to see him munching through the popadoms whilst he puts the shopping away! When he sees me he gestures for me to tuck in. I say "what are you doing?? They were for tea!" And he replies "well it doesn't matter does it? It's only a couple of hours away" - it was 2pm!!"

He's like a human labrador. No finesse or restraint.

Rachel0Greep · 06/08/2017 14:06

.

55hosting · 06/08/2017 14:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TheNightmanCometh · 06/08/2017 14:13

I remember the subway poster!

Luttrell · 06/08/2017 14:18

Sounds like a fat greedy baby. Very unattractive. He's probably just being juvenile and dickish, rather than a sinister plot to show you you aren't permitted possessions and more, but I'd be clawing back independence pronto.

(I love it when posters think protein bars are like steroids :D )

GherkinSnatch · 06/08/2017 14:20

YANBU, that would drive me fucking insane. It's so disrespectful, and he won't change because from what you've written it sounds like he doesn't see the issue. Move out.

TurnipCake · 06/08/2017 14:26

OP, do yourself a massive favour and move out

My ex was like this, I used to hide chocolate in my wardrobe because otherwise he would just help himself to the lot.

He even took food off my plate when I was eating, after a new flatmate had cooked for us. Flatmates were both dumbfounded.

It created so much stress, once I was out of there, the stress and resentment lifted like a cloud

Jux · 06/08/2017 14:27

I once read that when a relationship begins, the man't diet improves and the woman's degenerates. There's no need for that to happen, imo. You each need to respect the other's choices.

He doesn't respect yours.

Getoutofthatgarden · 06/08/2017 14:30

Honestly OP, you come across as a little unhinged

WTF are you talking about? No she doesn't. You sound like a total pain in the arse though.

Hubbabubbababy123 · 06/08/2017 14:32

I'm lactose intolerant and have crohns! I eat specific things. I have bars and shakes to help me when I can't manage food. My ex used to gobble everything. Like I mean everything. Kids stuff, my stuff, stuff for a party on the weekend. He never had any self control over food and it didn't bother him using all the soya milk after drinking two pints of cows milk with his dinner. We once had a caller at dinner time and I was at the door talking (and trying to get rid of her) when I came back my dinner had been eaten- all of it!! I would be gone.. I don't think op has food issues I think she just likes her stuff to be hers and some respect to that matter rather than a free loader gobbling everything up like.. I'd be gone tbh- lots of guys out there who respect boundaries and people having their own food etc..

ButchyRestingFace · 06/08/2017 14:32

WTF are you talking about? No she doesn't. You sound like a total pain in the arse though

Either greedy piggo boyf is on this thread or it's been invaded by a maraudering horde of Stepford Wives. Hmm

GreeboIsACutePussPuss · 06/08/2017 14:33

It is not food issues to want to get to eat the food you've bought for yourself.

DH had a really bad habit of pinching bits I'd bought for my packed lunch or was saving when we first got together, so now DH, DC and I have boxes each with different colour lids. if it's in the box it is yours and no one else is allowed to touch it. The rest of the kitchen is shared food, it works for us. We both do the shopping by the way, I'm not suggesting you have to buy anything to go in his box, he can do that himself.

If he still swipes your stuff after you've made it that obvious then yes, LTB.

TurnipCake · 06/08/2017 14:38

You could buy some Movicol chocolate, decant it into a jar and say, "Please don't touch my special new protein powder"