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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To move out because of his attitudes to food?

384 replies

MuckyWindows · 06/08/2017 08:28

I moved in with DP in May. It's been a fucking nightmare since as he just eats innapropriately and it drives me insane.

Example, yesterday we bought curry and rice, a packet of popadoms and a pickle tray from ASDA as a treat meal for the night as we were child free. We get in, start putting shopping away, I go back to car and then come in to see him munching through the popadoms whilst he puts the shopping away! When he sees me he gestures for me to tuck in. I say "what are you doing?? They were for tea!" And he replies "well it doesn't matter does it? It's only a couple of hours away" - it was 2pm!!i was really pissed off ASD I was looking forward to that meal and because he'd eaten them, the pickle tray was now useless.

He does stuff like this all the time! A few days ago he munched through a bar of baking chocolate that I had bought to actually bake with.

I follow a strict diet and so buy protein drinks and protein bars. I'm also vegetarian so need this stuff to hit my goals. Whenever I go to the fridge the drinks have all gone. He just drinks them one after another "because they're nice". I've explained that they are meant as a one a day thing and he just says "I know but they're so moreish!" With a stupid grin. This means there is never any for me.

The protein bars are expensive and you only get four in a box. They're meant to last me all week. Friday he ate one in his packed lunch, one when he got home from work and went to get one after tea. I snapped and called him a greedy cunt - he said I was over reacting. Since I've moved in here my diet is all over the place because there is never anything in. He eats everything of mine. He even eats my quorn stuff and he's not a vegetarian!!! It's stressing me out so much I want to leave. He thinks it's a massive over reaction and that I should expect to share food when living with someone but this isn't sharing, it's him eating every fucking thing!!!!

OP posts:
IDoDaChaCha · 07/08/2017 12:08

Turnip haha you have special place in my heart Wine

demirose87 · 07/08/2017 12:09

A bit of an overreaction that you're considering moving out because of this. How is the rest of the relationship? If this is the only issue then there must be a way round it? It would annoy me though. My partner and I buy food for the week, we don't have separate food, but we put stuff aside if we're using it for a meal or if it's for the kids. Does he contribute to food bills?

KimmySchmidt1 · 07/08/2017 12:12

Men usually only learn in a transactional way - they stop doing things that annoy you when there is something that annoys them that they want you to stop doing.

So put a turd in one of his trainers and offer to stop doing it when he stops eating your diet food. Then try squirting all of his shampoo/deodorant down the sink and blunting his razors. This will give him some reason to bargain with you to stop doing what annoys you.

I don't think you can expect him to eat everything (eg poppadums) in the way you want, but you can expect him to stop eating food you have bought deliberately for your diet.

No man is born perfect - you do have to do a bit of training. If you have moved in the relationship deserves a bit of effort and understanding about how to get the best out of him before you give up.

HattiesBackpack · 07/08/2017 12:14

AlternativeTentacle

Bore off love.
HTH

AlternativeTentacle · 07/08/2017 12:17

Bore off love.

You have certainly helped with that. Zzzz.

Bemusedandpuzzled · 07/08/2017 12:21

This, to me, is not a food issue as much as it's a work issue.

I'm reading between the lines of your OP a bit but it sounds like you are the one in the house doing the meal planning and the shopping list and the emotional/mental work around ensuring a supply of food. He's coming in and disrupting that by eating whatever is in the house at the time. It's like you are dusting a room, and he comes in and chucks talcum powder all over it! It's unhelpful behaviour. You've had a lot of comments on here suggesting that you have some control issues with food, but it sounds as though your partner has some out-of-control issues too: this sounds quite compulsive!

You either need to start working together on meal planning, and cutting out his crazy random snacking, or you need to separate your food out completely. Doing the latter is quite a lot more hassle than sorting out the former: if you can plan and cook together, it actually saves a load of time and money and hassle, and it's much more compatible with a life with small children in it, if that is your plan.

Mustang27 · 07/08/2017 12:25

The op has starved to death people thanks to her greedy bastarding partner. He is probably cannibalising her as we speak due to his lack of self control.

HattiesBackpack · 07/08/2017 12:27

AlternativeTentacle

Chortle. Jongleurs missed a trick not booking you didn't they.

Blondebombsite83 · 07/08/2017 12:27

It doesn't matter what he's taking, he knows he's pissing you off. I bet if you said you'd been saving some nice wine for a Friday after work and he drank it all no one would think you were "weird" for being cross.
He sounds selfish and inconsiderate. If he's like this in other areas then I'd think carefully.

stevie69 · 07/08/2017 12:36

You have food issues OP.

No, she doesn't. She plans her food carefully (some of us simply HAVE to) and is rightly annoyed to find that her DP has taken more than his fair share.

putdownyourphone · 07/08/2017 12:42

No one said she needed protein bars because she's veggie.

WellThisIsShit · 07/08/2017 12:45

He's greedy and selfish. It's like the leg spreading on tube seats, he's taking over all the space as he believes that due to his cock he owns all the space. And your 'd'p is leg spreading all over the food too!

Mutual respect, and a shared belief that you both deserve equitable amounts of everything, albeit space, food or duvet covers.

Sadly this respect seems missing from your relationship. Up to you whether you think it can be learnt or if there's no point continuing.

hoopyloopy2 · 07/08/2017 12:48

To all the people criticising the OP for her own diet, which is a greater health risk today: Mindless overeating or strict self-control. One leads to obesity and all its associated problems - including raised cancer risks, diabetes, huge NHS bill. The other leads to...erm what exactly? Making other greedy indisciplined people feel the need to self-justify their own bad habits apparently!

stevie69 · 07/08/2017 12:49

Your post comes across as many fitness fanatics do. Food obsession.

Food obsession comes with being a fitness fanatic sometimes. I cannot maintain my shape and muscle definition without a strict diet and exercise regime. If you want to call it obsession, then ....fine by me: go for it.

Take my eye off the ball and I can fairly rapidly lose everything that I've worked for. Accompanying the loss of definition comes a general feeling of 'meh'. I LOVE looking good and I LOVE feeling well. If the price for that is 'obsession', then .... charge my card Blush

Stevie x

Seeyamonday · 07/08/2017 12:55

I can't believe people are getting so upset over this, do a food shop, buy him his own snacks and drinks, go home and tell him he has his own snacks. Talk to each other without the sweary insults.... Be grown ups.

abigcupoffuckyou · 07/08/2017 12:56

can't believe people are getting so upset over this, do a food shop, buy him his own snacks and drinks, go home and tell him he has his own snacks. Talk to each other without the sweary insults.... Be grown ups.#

Be a grown up, by treating him like a child, buying him snacks and indluging his need to steal from her?
Jog on. And RTFT.

Hudson10 · 07/08/2017 12:57

Its territory marking, showing you that as The Man Of The House its his right to eat whatever he likes. I assume that you moved into his house? He's enjoying showing you that hes top dog.
I really hope this is said tongue in cheek or something. What a load of garbage Grin

RaininSummer · 07/08/2017 13:05

I dont think the OP sounds at all neurotic or obsessed about food. She obviously eats a different diet to partner (as do I). He knows which are her special things and eats them greedily anyway.

I am doing a high carb, low fat veggie diet and my partner checks before eating my yoghurt and cream for instance as he knows i shop for the week and will be messed up for ingredients if he is a pig.

OH's partner seems to be greedy thoughtless hog. I would be really annoyed if somebody scoffed the treat part of the evening meal, the poppadoms, before tea. I would want to move out if it continued.

Seeyamonday · 07/08/2017 13:26

I don't eat crisps, chocolate, or biscuits, my DH does, I always make sure that I have them in the cupboard for him. He does thoughtful things for me so in a caring relationship that what happens. To call someone a greedy c**t is totally unacceptable in my opinion and I would be seriously considering whether there relationship could move forward.

lynmilne65 · 07/08/2017 14:20

Am so glad I live alone !!😁

AuntMarch · 07/08/2017 14:48

It is hard to have a complete opinion without knowing what else is in the cupboards for him to snack on. It does sound like something that would slowly make my blood boil, but only if there were other non-diet friendly things he could be eating instead.

When I lived with my ex and followed various diets, I had a large tupperware box I would keep things in I bought especially, then he knew anything else was fair game.

I think I would tell him though that if he is going to use your quorn, that you will only buy veggie stuff from now on so he can eat what he likes and you'll still have things left (assuming you shop... I guess you do for him to not know that your bars are bought specially etc).

lynmilne65 · 07/08/2017 14:59

tahiti. GrinGrinGrin

Catsick36 · 07/08/2017 15:03

Mine is like that. We have our own food cupboard and a joint food cupboard. Anything in the fridge is fairly game unless specified. Lots of conversations led to this action. Needless to say his is always empty.

blackteasplease · 07/08/2017 15:04

I don't think you sound at all unreasonable.

He sounds like a greedy cunt, exactly as you say.

lynmilne65 · 07/08/2017 15:04

So much fucking I feel quite pale !!