To be pissed off with pregnant women smoking

[boringbetty]

I know i am being hormonal and emotional but i really don't care at this moment .
Currently suffering second miscarriage in 5 months so been to the hospital again yesterday . Obviously has to go to the antenatal ward and seeing all these women outside smoking clearly heavily pregnant.
I know it is their choice bla bla but it makes me so angry . I have done nothing wrong but have lost two . I'm not saying these women should have to go through this , nobody should but just makes me angry .
To be honest I don't know why I'm writing this . I know it's up to them what they do . Just wanted to vent really

Totally agree. It should be illegal. I gave up smoking when I was pregnant with my first one, it wasn't easy but I wouldn't have even considered filling my baby with that crap

YABU.

Their body.
Their baby.

Keep your nose out.

YANBU. They're selfish fuckers.

So are men who smoke around pregnant woman or with young children.

Also their baby's body, and I'm sorry, but nobody has the right to purposely cause harm to another human being.

LittleBoo - I do keep my nose out, I'm not going up to these women telling them my thoughts. Just judging in my head like most people do .

You are very understandably hurting right now

There are many reasons why people continue to smoke during pregnancy and generally those women know it's bad but continue -and are generally judged for that -by other people and themselves

Turning your hurt into anger against someone else is not going to make you feel better in the long run

I know exactly how you feel op. I went through 7 years of various treatments for infertility and had to walk past the maternity unit from the car park to the assisted conception unit. Ever time I went there would be women outside with a big bump and having a fag. I just wanted to go up to them and scream at them 'do you realise how lucky you are?' I think it's perfectly understandable to be really angry when you are going through difficult times.
I actually totally disagree with people who say it's their choice, as the unborn baby has no choice over it do they? I'm sure if you were to ask them they'd rather their mother didn't smoke.
Anyway, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Good luck for the future.

They're selfish. I know it's hard to give up but if they can't do it for a growing baby I worry that they won't give up everything else they have to!

But try to focus on yourself, not anyone else - you have no idea what shit cards in life anyone else has been dealt. Life's not fair (as well you know). Try not to compare.

Worry about you and you only for now.

So sorry for your losses.
I have been in a similar situation and also felt very angry/resentful at other women making questionable choices, even if I knew I was being a bit u at the time. It's a normal part of the grieving process.
Take care of yourself.

I'm sorry for your loss Betty.

You're right it's not good for the baby or the mother to smoke during pregnancy. But being pissed off with women who do it isn't going to help you, them or their babies.

Please take care of yourself.

Unfortunately you will get women on here telling you to keep your nose out - they're probably the ones you walked past on your way in

It makes me sick to see this. It may be there choice but what about the baby? They don't get a say at all and it them who are harmed.
My DD has narrow airways due to heavy smoking throughout pregnancy (not by me!). A cold gives her a rattly chest and she has had a ventilator pretty much since birth. Surely it is not worth it?

Sorry for your losses OP

Sorry for your loss Betty but AIBU is possibly not the best place to be when feeling vulnerable and grieving. I see your point and you're entitled to your opinion but the choices others make are nothing to do with you. You could say similar about very overweight women who get pregnant increasing risk to their baby, women on medication that might affect an unborn baby-where do you draw the line on who deserves our support and who deserves our judgement?

YANBU betty, ignore the 'keep your nose out' comments.

I'm sorry for your loss

YANBU. It's not just their body but their baby's body that they're harming. They can choose to have a cigarette or not but they're forcing it on the baby.

But, as others have said, focus on yourself for the moment as right now you need to look after yourself. I hope the little vent has helped, I know writing things down that upset me helps me too.

Yabu, however I do agree with you, we cannot dictate to anyone what they can and cannot to do to there bodies.

Oh yay. Another thread about women smoking whilst pregnant. Aren't these fun?

YABU

Quite rightly you have absolutely no say on what a woman does or doesn't do. This doesn't change because she is pregnant. She doesn't become your property to judge as you see fit.

You can disagree with her choices but they have no impact on your situation (which sucks by they way, ).

I don't have to smoke to recognise others have the right to do whatever they like.

Im so sorry that you've had to go through this! I am a smoker but quit as soon as i got pregnant. I just dont understand why anyone would intentionally cause harm to their unborn baby. I know as much as anyone how hard it is to quit and if a baby isnt incentive enough then thats very sad.

My sister has never smoked in her life and her DS was born 4 months prem and there was a 50 50 chance he would make it.

Life isnt fair sometimes but keep your chin up. You are doing everything right and your time will come

It's disgusting . Not only does it look awful it absolutely stinks . With my 3rd dc I was transferred in an ambulance from a midwife led unit to the city hospital with doctors because of complications . I was in full blown labour and il never forget the ambulance crew opening the doors of ambulance and the smell of cigarette smoked filled the ambulance. The entrance to maternity unit there must have been 8/10 pregnant / post natal women chuffing away on their tabs !!! It made me feel so sick the smell ! It looks horrible

Betty - I understand how you're feeling.

Whilst smoking is indeed selfish and irresponsible when pregnant I can see that you're finding a focal point for your anger.

After I lost my baby I got cross (and still do ) with those stating disappointment at their baby's gender rather than just being happy about carrying a healthy one!

Be kind to yourself OP. I'm sorry for your losses

I don't know whether to laugh or cry at the posters who say 'keep your nose out, their body, their baby.'

Does this mean that we aren't allowed to have an opinion on anything?

Do you apply the same logic to all forms of child abuse? Murder? Rape? Theft?

Do you have any moral compass, or do you turn a blind eye to what other humans do other humans?

Sure, we can scowl at them and walk by- few of us would stop and challenge them.

But having an opinion is unreasonable?

Do fuck off.

Do you apply the same logic to all forms of child abuse? Murder? Rape? Theft?

Yes, I condone child rape

It is tough for you I agree but I doubt any of these women are doing it to upset anyone.
Most of them will not be very bright, or they are in vulnerable situations. The medics will have told them the risks.
Smoking is also very difficult to give up too.

YANBU. We now do extra growth scans for women who smoke heavily. I am straight with patients and tell that reason for these scans is to try to reduce the rate of still births in this country and smoking in pregnancy is thought to a large contributing factor. This is still not enough to make most of them stop or even cut back. They all know better/had babies before that were fine/their sister smoked through all her pregnancies and all were ok etc etc. We're just banging our heads against a wall. Don't know what the answer is but the message is just not getting across.

YANBU, it sickens me too.

for you OP