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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be pissed off with pregnant women smoking

206 replies

boringbetty · 06/08/2017 07:03

I know i am being hormonal and emotional but i really don't care at this moment .
Currently suffering second miscarriage in 5 months so been to the hospital again yesterday . Obviously has to go to the antenatal ward and seeing all these women outside smoking clearly heavily pregnant.
I know it is their choice bla bla but it makes me so angry . I have done nothing wrong but have lost two . I'm not saying these women should have to go through this , nobody should but just makes me angry .
To be honest I don't know why I'm writing this . I know it's up to them what they do . Just wanted to vent really

OP posts:
Original poster
boringbetty · 06/08/2017 07:49

Everybody judges, whether it be pregnant women smoking , somebody not dressing the right way, parents feeding their kids junk food or something else . Everybody will have an opinion that has nothing to do with them . Like I said I'm not going up to these people saying it . But I am inwardly judging . And like I said I was just venting

OP posts:
EssentialHummus · 06/08/2017 07:57

Nothing to add to the debate but I'm very sorry for your losses OP Flowers

multicolouredroses · 06/08/2017 08:07

YANBU

Smoking during pregnancy makes for a very selfish person.

End of.

With every cigarette they smoke, they are directly taking oxygen from their growing baby, affecting their baby's heart rate, increasing the chance of birth defects, stopping them from gaining weight and increasing the chances of sudden infant death if they do make it out alive.

The worst thing is, they know all of this, and still do it. Force a vulnerable baby to take in all that shit when people aren't even legally allowed to buy them until adulthood.

If they won't give up smoking for a few short months, it makes me wonder what they won't do for their actual human being once born.

Of course it's none of your business what other women do and don't do during pregnancy, and nobody should take it upon themselves to lecture anybody. But it doesn't change the fact they are selfish.

Writerwannabe83 · 06/08/2017 08:11

YANBU

Where I work I have to walk through the doors to a Maternity Departmrnt and the amount of pregnant women I see outside is shocking.

I had an antenatal appointment myself recently and there was one women sitting on the floor of the waiting room making up her roll-ups with her Rizzlers and tobacco and then abounding to us all how she was "popping out to have a fag and could we let the receptionist know if her name was called." Judging may be wrong but ne and everybody else involved there were doing it.

MrsDc7 · 06/08/2017 08:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

bikerclaire · 06/08/2017 08:41

I smoked for 20 years, not everyday, but gave up entirely when getting pregnant at 39.

I knew both my mum and nan smoked up until they had their first child so maybe I was primed ready for that but, even though I was a bit worried about giving up (I always knew I would do it and stick to it but that I might find it tough/really want a fag etc), I found it a piece of piss!

Easier than I could have imagined. Maybe the hormones helped, maybe the morning sickness (not excessive)?
I considered the fact that I had been primed and it was kind of psycho-somatic and maybe it wouldn't work if I was aware of that but whatever it was - it worked.

Baby Beth is now 10 months and I'm still breastfeeding (will try for 3 years but see what happens) so I'm not going to start again anytime soon. Plus I have so much more free cash now!

I often think now that if I had to try to persuade someone to not smoke I wouldn't even stress the health aspect but the money aspect - it costs SO much now. When I started a pack of 20 was about £3, it's now over a tenner. Crazy!

Crumbs1 · 06/08/2017 08:46

Smoking is disgusting whether you are pregnant or not and smokers, as addicts, are very selfish. They think they're not because they smoke outside but they still impact on those around them. Horrible and I couldn't be friends with someone who smoked. Its so common and rough.

It is their business, of course. I just don't understand how you can love a cigarette more than your child so entirely agree about pregnant women and parents smoking. It's disgraceful and very sad.

Billben · 06/08/2017 08:52

We now do extra growth scans for women who smoke heavily.

Great, more taxpayers money having to be spent on selfish people.

YANBU. I judge and I would never have any respect for a person who smoked during pregnancy.

Pengggwn · 06/08/2017 08:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SeekingSugar · 06/08/2017 08:58

You poor darling 💜 Last thing you need to see.

ALLthedinosaurs · 06/08/2017 09:07

I'm so sorry Betty Flowers
I'm going through the same thing. 2 losses since January and the same thing upset me and DH too.

You know in your rational mind that they might actually be trying to give up and feeling horribly guilty, they might have gone from 40 to 10, that you don't actually know their situation, but it isn't nice to see when you're feeling so raw with the loss and the injustice of it all.

Its all shitty. Sorry for your losses 💜Flowers

MrsOverTheRoad · 06/08/2017 09:10

I feel the same about pregnant women drinking alcohol.

Bluerose27 · 06/08/2017 09:10

YANBU
It's disgusting and selfish. Objectively and subjectively

crazyhairdontcare · 06/08/2017 09:13

YANBU it's fucking disgusting.

Sorry for your losses Flowers

justaguy · 06/08/2017 09:18

Absolutely agree with you. As soon as the baby is born, the parent will commit a crime if they smoke in a car with their child present, because of the danger of second-hand smoke. But apparently it's their choice if they want to puff away while they're baby is actually growing inside them. Selfish, selfish, selfish.

justaguy · 06/08/2017 09:18

*their

10greenapples · 06/08/2017 09:23

My mum smoked through all 6 of her pregnancies. I do think it's terrible tbh (I've never smoked) but unborn babies don't have 'rights' which is just the way it is.

10greenapples · 06/08/2017 09:24

Just to add I judge this to though and I don't care. It's vile. I also judge people that smoke whilst pushing a baby/child in a pram.

multicolouredroses · 06/08/2017 09:28

As soon as the baby is born, the parent will commit a crime if they smoke in a car with their child present, because of the danger of second-hand smoke. But apparently it's their choice if they want to puff away while they're baby is actually growing inside them.

This ^

Disgraceful behaviour to smoke so close to a child, never mind while one is growing inside of you.

Would love to hear why people do it.

"I'm addicted"
"I'm stressed"
"It's too hard to stop"

Are bullshit excuses

A baby growing inside you and living off everything you put inside your body should be enough reason to stop.

disneydatknee · 06/08/2017 09:32

I read that as "pissed off at penguin women". Bloody hell I need a coffee. But I do agree with you on this one. And this coming from an ex smoker. I quit as soon as I found out I was pregnant. If growing your own tiny human isn't good enough motivation to quit then what is?

kel1234 · 06/08/2017 09:36

I'm sorry for your loss op, but you need to understand that different people have different ideas.
It's very difficult to quit smoking completely if you're addicted and a regular smoker.
My mum struggled, she tried to quit but couldn't. So she smoke and drank through all 3 pregnancies. We were all okay.
I don't smoke much, and I'm not addicted and can easily stop and don't miss it. I was pregnant for about 3 weeks before i found out and I was smoking in that time. I stopped once I found out, and fair enough for me personally I didn't really miss it (except when I was planning our wedding). But it's not like that for everyone. My husband didn't smoke near me while I was pregnant. But other family members did. And my baby was fine.
I drank throughout my pregnancy though, I enjoy a drink. A lot less than usual of course, but I still did. My baby was fine. Fair enough other people give up drinking completely, I didn't want to, and I won't be next time either.

Mamabear4180 · 06/08/2017 09:38

Smoking is a serious addiction which is very hard to break. Regardless of whether one mum gives it up the minute she has a positive test or joe bloggs down the road gave up just like that, every situation is unique. There's a million ways you can be selfish in life and that's just one of them. We do all judge in our heads to a certain extent but I think your anger is more to do with your horrible sad situation. I'm so sorry op Flowers

TheVanguardSix · 06/08/2017 09:39

OP I am so very sorry for your struggles. I empathise and understand completely! We all know the 'Life's not fair/it is what it is' drill but it really hurt me intensely to lose my babies who'd been given so much love and blueberry super smoothies in the womb while a friend of mine smoked in all three of her pregnancies and produced completely healthy children exactly 18 months apart. She's never experienced difficulties. You know, good on her and all that and yes, her kids are not only healthy, thank heavens, they're wonderful, really lovely kids. But I cannot believe she smoked throughout her pregnancies. It's incredibly selfish and these mums make a choice in pregnancy not to give their child the best start. That's the killer. They choose risk. Weird. It says everything about that person. If they can't do the best by their own, what does that say?

jmscp2015 · 06/08/2017 10:01

I must admit I've always been firmly in the camp of your body your choice,

But after being admitted to hospital with a chance of going into preterm labour at 24 weeks, and when arriving and leaving seeing lots of women outside having a fag, I'm with you OP. I'm an ex smoker quit before I found out, and it was making me so mad, of course I'd never say anything, but inwardly I'm not afraid to say I was being very judgey.

SadBlush

greendale17 · 06/08/2017 10:06

YANBU- I detest these selfish women who smoke when pregnant.