To be pissed off with pregnant women smoking

[boringbetty]

I know i am being hormonal and emotional but i really don't care at this moment .
Currently suffering second miscarriage in 5 months so been to the hospital again yesterday . Obviously has to go to the antenatal ward and seeing all these women outside smoking clearly heavily pregnant.
I know it is their choice bla bla but it makes me so angry . I have done nothing wrong but have lost two . I'm not saying these women should have to go through this , nobody should but just makes me angry .
To be honest I don't know why I'm writing this . I know it's up to them what they do . Just wanted to vent really

For those saying their baby their choice - would you be okay with them blowing smoke into the face of a newborn? If not, what's the difference??

It's not us SAYING it, it is the absolute FACT. You need to understand that, It is not an opinion of some, it just is.

And there is a big difference, you already know what it is.

YABU, OP, though I can see why. But you don't know these women, you don't know their lives. And we can never afford to have a foetus' rights outweigh their mother's.

I quit smoking at the start of both my pregnancies, but fell off the wagon toward the end of DS1's pregnancy. He was about 34 - 35 weeks? We had been kicked out by the LLs and were kipping at a relatives house I didn't get on with so I was very stressed. I am certain I had fewer than 10 fags the whole time. Do I not love my DS? Do I not deserve him?

The problem is I am addicted to fags. I have quit several times, once for over a year, but as soon as I am under stress or I've had a few too many drinks I want a cigarette. My dad smoked from 11 into his 30s then just quit one day. He could hold a fag in his mouth to light it, then pass it to my mum and not want one at all. There are some smokers who find it that easy to quit, but I am not one.

I am pregnant with my fourth and have never smoked and I don't agree with other people smoking when pregnant but I can't bring myself to get really angry or wound up about it as it is their choice and not me or my baby its hurting.

Sorry for your loss I've been there too

You've gone through one of the most painful things a woman can go through and for what its worth I agree with you. Its OK to feel angry I would be too if I saw smoking pregnant women at this time. I hope things work out for you.

Yanbu. I was waiting for a scan to find out the extent of my baby's heart problem at 26 weeks after a routine check had picked up an irregular heartbeat and saw another pregnant woman smoking outside the hospital. I felt such rage that she was putting her probably healthy baby at risk when I was so worried about mine. Thankfully my baby was fine and is healthy but I'll never be able to stomach someone putting their baby at risk. I know it's hard to quit for some people but surely you would do anything no matter how difficult for your baby.

Sorry for what has happened to you

I don't smoke and I never have, but I like to think that many of these pregnant smokers would like to give up for the sake of their babies. It's just they are addicts and they haven't managed to stop. I think quitting is easier said than done. I totally get where you are coming from though, it's so hard to see someone taking for granted something that you would cherish.

I honestly don't understand the logic behind 'your body, your baby'.

The fact is that in a civilised country, we have laws to protect the vulnerable and law abiding from members of society who would inflict harm.

We outlaw murder, rape, child abuse AND PASSIVE SMOKING.

We have the seat belt law in cars. I am old enough to remember the days before seat belts existed, before seat belt law was in place, when the argument was on 'personal freedom' and liberty to do what you wanted.

But flying through the windscreen and being splattered on the road is not exactly of benefit to society- it costs money to clear it up, patch up people .

How is inflicting harm on an unborn child any different? Parents can't smoke in cars if they carry children, so why should mothers force their unborn baby to be affected by fags?

I don't know how it could be policed, but that's not the same as shrugging and saying ' Their body, their baby' as if it's something society should accept.

Sorry, but you are being unreasonable. A woman is entitled to do what she wants with her body, even if she is pregnant. That's why it's ultimately our choice, and ours alone, if we decide to have an abortion. It's our body, so we have the final right to refuse or request one.

That doesn't mean that I agree with smoking whilst pregnant - it's selfish and stupid - but it's a choice the pregnant person is entitled to make, if they decide their desire to smoke outweighs the rights of the unborn.

It's very unfortunate you have had your experiences despite doing things right. Sadly that is how life works: a person can smoke 40 a day, drink heavily and live to be a hundred; someone else can eat properly, take regular exercise and be dead before they're 50.

I honestly don't understand the logic behind 'your body, your baby'

How do you not understand it? It's very very simple: it is your body and only you can decide what happens to it. What is the alternartive to that? There isn't one that isn't horrifying.

You don't have to like or approve what other people do to their bodies, but you do have to realise that its their choice to do it.

The difference between smoking in pregnancy and blowing smoke in the face of a newborn is the difference between a fetus and a human being.
The fetus isn't legally recognised as a living human being.
To do so (to give it the same rights as a newborn) would jeopardise our abortion laws.
HTH.

Ps, for anyone who is pro birth. I would like to know where the line is drawn
No smoking in pregnancy
No drinking in pregnancy
Don't stand near a smoker
Don't date a smoker (even if you're already married)
Don't eat soft cheeses
Don't eat home made mayo.
Don't have hot baths.
Don't have rare sneak, runny eggs or any other "banned food"....
If you work night shifts and live on microwave meals, should ss be involved? Much like they would be if you fed an actual child a microwave meal as it's only source of nutrients.
If you try to commit suicide could you be tried and convicted for attempted murder....?

How upsetting for you

It must feel like a slap in the face

But .... this is life and they are nothing to do with your issues OP

No different to the people that abuse , main and hurt the children they have

It's just upsetting in general and nothing is to be gained be thinking about these women

Onwards and wishing you luck

Disclaimer I don't think theyvare the same category as child abusers ! Just in the 'don't think about ' category when struggling with infertility

Smoking when pregnant is really common behaviour

Yanbu should be illegal in my view

I'm sorry for your loss OP

Around 1 in 10 women are still smoking at the time of delivery. They rarely come to MN for support to quit. Can anybody think why?

If anyone on this thread actually cares about this, beyond having a group of people to be outraged and discusted at, please lend support to this thread in site stuff, asking for someone really sensible to come on and do a webchat on smoking in pregnancy.

Yanbu should be illegal in my view

How would that be policed? What would the punishment be?

Smoking while pregnant or with babies/kids does really annoy me and I deffo think smoking when pregnant should be banned.
I work in a shop and hate seeing people coming in with milk tokens buying milk/healthy food for kids and then buying a pack of fags for themselves, if people can't afford milk and fruit then why can they afford cigarettes?!

I'm was a smoker and quit for my last pregnancy but slowly restarted a year after DD was born. I'm pregnant again now and quit as soon as I found out, and will not smoke again now.

YABU

Just because a woman is pregnant doesn't mean she should lose the right to do what she wants with her body. What a disgusting idea.

I'm was a smoker and quit for my last pregnancy but slowly restarted a year after DD was born. I'm pregnant again now and quit as soon as I found out, and will not smoke again now.

YABU

Just because a woman is pregnant doesn't mean she should lose the right to do what she wants with her body. What a disgusting idea.

YABU. None of your business.

If I smoked in my pregnancy and something was wrong with the baby - even if it wasn't expressly smoking related I actually don't think I could live with the guilt, I honestly don't.

OP two miscarriages one after the other is shit. I'm sorry love x

But it does mean that she should give enough of a damn about the baby to want to do the right things to look after it Scooby surely?

YANBU in the sense that it's a bad decision and horrible.

I also don't quite see how they do it, personally: my very first symptom during my first (unplanned) pregnancy was absolutely not being able to stand smoking, which I did regularly back then.

Having said that, from a philosophical and legal POV rather than a moral one: no, we absolutely must not stop pregnant women from smoking because fetuses do not have rights over the bodies of pregnant women and women are not incubators but people with agency and the right to make choices about their bodies. That includes bad choices, I'm afraid, because the alternative is untenable and creates horrible precedents.