To be pissed off with pregnant women smoking

[boringbetty]

I know i am being hormonal and emotional but i really don't care at this moment .
Currently suffering second miscarriage in 5 months so been to the hospital again yesterday . Obviously has to go to the antenatal ward and seeing all these women outside smoking clearly heavily pregnant.
I know it is their choice bla bla but it makes me so angry . I have done nothing wrong but have lost two . I'm not saying these women should have to go through this , nobody should but just makes me angry .
To be honest I don't know why I'm writing this . I know it's up to them what they do . Just wanted to vent really

We now do extra growth scans for women who smoke heavily.

Great, more taxpayers money having to be spent on selfish people.

Afraid so and tbh I'm not even sure if it's going to have the impact that was hoped for as more often than not the women just ignore the advice and usually decline referrals to smoking cessation service as well. Even when scans show baby is really struggling and the parents then see the consultant who makes it very clear what smoking is doing to their baby and what could be the potential outcomes, often the result is they refuse to see consultant again and carry on regardless. They just don't want to be told they are doing something harmful.

Try and see it as money being spent on the welfare of the baby rather than on the parents though as that's what it's about. We have to try something.
Occasionally, a patient will take in the advice and make a real effort which is great to see but sadly no where near as many as you would hope for

The only possible excuse I can think of (which is awful in itself) is that these women never really wanted their babies. Either through abuse, rape or family pressure to provide the next generation. Subconsciously at least they must know its affecting the baby. Also they are probably not the brightest sparks. I judge anyone who smokes in this day and age, but especially people who inflict it on others.
Even though my Mum smoked 20-a-day through 5 pregnancies. 1 (that I know of) was lost. That was a different era and medical knowledge has changed immensely.

Yep, selfish twats, who either know no better or worse still, don't give a shit.

I quit as soon as I found out I was pregnant, after years of failed attempts. It surprised me how easy it was too - all you have to do is be utterly selfless.

So embarrassing to say "your body, your baby." You don't have the right to make a bad choice that can and often will impact on the health of another person. My mother smoked while pregnant with me and I have asthma as a direct result of having to live with someone who smoked a lot and a relative is dead as a direct result of passive smoking. Three people in my family are also dead as a result of their own smoking.

How can you love your baby if you smoke through pregnancy? My mum was a smoker and gave up when she was pregnant with me.

It's just my opinion that the love for the baby should be stronger than the need for a fag.

You are grieving op and I am so sorry for your loss, a lot of us have been there and is is truly awful to be confronted with others negative behaviours towards their kids when you want one so bad luck and value them so highly. Life is unfair💐

Silverthorn, your assessment of smoking mothers is inaccurate. There are plenty of bright sparks; well-educated, well-informed women who choose to smoke in pregnancy.

Crumbs that is ridiculous I don't think smoking makes you a bad person "so common"! I'm sure some of the royals smoke!
However op I don't think yabu it's not nice to see and it is incredibly selfish. The poster who talks about it being illegal to smoke in the car driving your baby home makes a very good point.
Sorry for what you're going through op.

I would judge as well and I have smoked on and off since my teens. I get that it's hard to stop (I've relapsed several times over the years) but I didn't touch a single cigarette or a drop of alcohol while pregnant and I've never smoked around my children.

Where do you draw the line OP?

Obesity is bad for babies, yet so many mothers are obese.
Alcohol, stress, loneliness, poverty, etc should we have a pregnancy license?

Also their baby's body, and I'm sorry, but nobody has the right to purposely cause harm to another human being

They have every right. It's not legally a human being until it's born.

I judge, most of us do. I think they are total twats. But they have every right to do it and they should have that right, no matter what we think about it.

So embarrassing to say "your body, your baby." You don't have the right to make a bad choice that can and often will impact on the health of another person

What is embarassing about the truth? You do have the right, you know well you do. We all know it.
And frankly we should be glad, because the implications of the alternative are terrible.

So embarrassing to say "your body, your baby." You don't have the right to make a bad choice that can and often will impact on the health of another person

What is embarassing about the truth? You do have the right, you know well you do. We all know it.
And frankly we should be glad, because the implications of the alternative are terrible.

YANBU to be sick of the sight of it, Op! It's disgusting.

If a Mother purposefully blew cigarette smoke in her newborn's face, she would have outside agencies intervening in her crap and abusive parenting...but just a week earlier when it was in the womb, it's "Ur baby, Ur Rulz hun".

I understand that women have bodily autonomy and that it is an important right. However, if a woman decides to continue with a pregnancy then she should have a responsibility to that baby as well.

Embarrassing that someone can be so self absorbed to say it.

Alternatives are terrible ?'. Like consequences that are hard?

Some people have a total disconnect between being pregnant and having a baby. Others think they own their children and can subject them to whatever the parent desires.

Sorry for your loss Betty.

I agree that it's selfish. But outlawing it is basically policing women's bodies and I'd never ever want that.

Neutrogena's point is a good one:

MH issues?
Fat?
Abusive OH?
Drug use?
Alcohol?
Not enough money to have another baby but doing it anyway?

If the OP's circumstances not what they are, I think the trend of this thread would be telling her to wind her neck in.

This is a different perspective

I can't find it in me to judge them. Personally I have never smoked and found it very easy to try to be as healthy as possible in all my pregnancies, and still one of my children was stillborn at near full term.

That horrific experience made me, at times, turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms (well mainly wine and eating crap). I did the best I can to get through it but my rose-tinted life suddenly seemed very hard and I had a new perspective which is that it is almost impossible to think straight or be healthy when your mind's a mess. You just don't have the same mental strength to forego addiction or whatever. This is a fact. If you've developed unhealthy habits through life - like smoking - you are more likely to fall back on the same old habits in times of stress (and pregnancy is one of those times for many), and stress makes your resolve weaker.

I'm no mother Theresa but for that reason, seeing other women smoking doesn't make me feel any anger. We are all just doing what we can to get through.

I don't mean to sound patronising when I say that I wish there were better ways to support these women.

Yanbu it's disgusting they can't give it up for 9 months for the sake of their unborn child's health and that's coming from a smoker I gave up just before and during my pregnancies and any smoking now is strictly outside well away from windows and doors .

I understand that women have bodily autonomy and that it is an important right. However, if a woman decides to continue with a pregnancy then she should have a responsibility to that baby as well

You can't have it both ways.

Alternatives are terrible ?'hmm. Like consequences that are hard?

Well why don't you tell us what you think should be done to force people not to smoke (or whatever else you add to the list) while pregnant?

I'm sorry for your losses OP.

Nobody deserves to lose their baby, smoker or not. Those who are addicted to cigarettes won't be thinking it will affect their baby, they will be clinging to the hope that their baby will be one of the ones that aren't affected. Beating an addiction takes a lot of strength and not everyone has that at every point in their lives. Of course ideally no pregnant woman should smoke but that doesn't make a non smoker more worthy or deserving of a healthy baby.

Yep - I work in a hospital and often see heavily pregnant women standing at the entrance to the maternity hospital smoking, it absolutely engages me. There are women visiting the same hospital for fertility testing and when suffering from miscarriages, and they have to walk past these women who are lucky enough to carry a child, yet poisoning themselves and baby.
For those saying their baby their choice - would you be okay with them blowing smoke into the face of a newborn? If not, what's the difference??

YANBU but lots will say it's their body so their choice likewise with drinking in pregnancy.

It's nine months and for the sake of the most precious new life growing inside you it's not a lot to ask is it really. The baby doenst get a choice of the toxins it's given but the adult does.